Taio Cruz and Flo Rida have a 'Hangover' in new video - watch the premiere now!

Everything about this photograph is painfully on-trend.

One time we had a house party and invited all our friends and everyone laughed and danced and listened to music and got drunk and did some drugs we bought from a girl who thought she was Ke$ha and broke things and fornicated with each other and then all fell asleep and when we woke up we had a HANGOVER.

That is the sort of thing that Taio Cruz has done as well, apparently - as nearly all of us have - except that instead of cleaning up the mess afterward like a normal person, he decided to just hire a maid and go off to write a song about it.  Or, more accurately, Tramar Dillard, Lukasz Gottwald and Henry Walter decided to write a song about it, and then Taio came along and said "this sounds like just the sort of thing I am looking for, but wouldn't it be a much better track, artistically speaking, if I could get royalties for it?" and added two words to the background of the middle eight and listed himself as a lyricist in the liner notes.

That, of course, is the kind of thing that happens all the time in "the industry", and we're usually fine with it as long as the added words are good or at least serviceable.  But in this case THAT IS QUITE SIMPLY NOT POSSIBLE because literally each and every word of this song is its own, centralized black hole of swirling poo.

It is four minutes of hedonistic nonsense that is the unfortunate end result of the long-building trend in music where a committee of parrots or squirrels or something randomly select words relating "the club" or "being drunk" or "wanting to get drunk", and then put a donk over it and watch it go to number 1.

But just when we think it can't get worse, there is the video, which is essentially a straight-to-dvd sequel of AN ACTUAL MOVIE THAT THEY ALREADY MADE TWICE called 'The Hangover,' but with a worse soundtrack and less attractive actors.  It even has a wacky Asian guy who does ridiculous things and humiliates himself, because it's not like everyone in the world saw those movies and knows exactly what is going on here.

"Womp womp" etc.

Kelly Clarkson rocks out The X-Factor with 'Mr. Know It All'

omg y'all no way

Kelly Clarkson visited the new show by the man who made her a star, and showed everyone exactly why she was the one that made it.  Because if Justin Guarini was up on that stage....well, let's just not go down that road. 

While performing 'Mr. Know-It-All' on Simon Cowell's U.S. version of 'X-Factor', Miss Clarkson ruled the stage in pitch-perfect voice and with a commanding presence, along with a troupe of drummers wearing the now-requisite (thanks, Gaga) ridiculous outfits that must accompany ANY SORT OF LIVE PERFORMANCE FOR ANY REASON.  Luckily Kelly was able to ignore them completely and go about her divaish business.

It was a great performance of a great song, but we can't help but feeling like having someone like Kelly on the show only underscores just how lackluster the contestants are.  Sure, they don't have a team of handlers primping and prodding them, and no, they haven't had months of vocal coaching to perfect every second of each song they sing, but Kelly just has a certain something that blows most everyone else off the stage. 

Also she's looking quite thin.  So...good for you, Kelly.

Garbage is BACK, BITCHZZZZZ - listen to their cover of U2's 'Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses' now

This is why I'm hot.

There are several reasons why Garbage is amazing.  They are, in ascending order:

5: #1 Crush
4: Shirley Manson
3: Version 2.0 generally
2: Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go)
1: Shirley Manson again

We've been holding our breath over the band's INCREDIBLY EXCITING REUNION ever since we heard about it, and now, finally, some new material has surfaced.  Ok, so it's not exactly "new," in that it's actually a cover of an old U2 song, but it's new for them, and it's something we haven't heard before.  And really let's be honest - our personal perception of things is all we care about.

The track is a by-the-numbers cover with a little bit of the old Garbage attitude thrown in for good measure, but it certainly works as a primer for what's to come and is at the very least an exciting sign that somewhere in the world, Shirley Manson is standing in a room being sexy with a microphone.



"mmm."

Dragonette and Martin Solveig are BACK and 'Big In Japan'

"I am French so I make this gesture."

Dragonette (aka the best band in the world that you've never heard of) has once again teamed up with French DJ producer extraordinaire Martin Solveig for a brand new single that sounds exactly like their last one, 'Hello.'  Which is an amazing thing.  Because 'Hello' was amazing.

Dragonette have long been a ScopiSat favorite, due to their being the actual greatest group doing music at the moment, but have yet to break through on their own.  Nevertheless, they've achieved great success with the aforementioned 'Hello,' which ruled clubs the world over all year, and a number of writing credits on some very big albums.  They even penned one of our other pop pets, Nicola Roberts' latest single 'Lucky Day.' 

Solveig, for his part - his quirky, head-banded part, has been pretty active in his home country, and actually made quite a few waves around Europe.  Once 'Hello' came out, of course, he "blew up" as the kids say, and has since been rumored to be working with no less than THE ACTUAL MADONNA.  So...stay tuned.

As for their new single, it's called 'Big In Japan,' and it is a banging, hop-up-and-down-to-the-beat-until-the-floor-collapses type tune, complete with a donk on it and a catchy melody. 

The track also features something called an Idoling!!! (yes, 3 !!!s.  Because, why not.) which "the blogs" say is a girl band or something who is kind of like a Japanese version of Sugababes but a bit more shit.  They don't have a whole lot to do in the song, but they are indeed BIG IN JAPAN so we suppose it made sense to include them.

Here's the tune in all its glory, along with a delightful video. 

As the track says:  "Keep my head down, look away from the flash/ I’ve got a plane full of people saying I’ve got a smash."

Let's hope they're right.

Britney is in love with a 'Criminal' in new video - watch the premiere now!

Don't drink and drive, kids.

Britney certainly is riding high, isn't she?  She's had quite a streak of worldwide hits off her Femme Fatale album, has just conquered the globe on tour, and now has two RATHER ATTRACTIVE MEN fighting over her in her new video.

Yes, the long-awaited clip for new single 'Criminal' is finally here, and IT IS A DOOZY ladies and gentlemen.  It's by far the best clip off the album to date stylistically, but more importantly Britney looks better in it than she has in years.  And even more importantly than that, it extends her already lengthy history of having LITERALLY THE HOTTEST MEN in her videos. 

First glam-Brit is all chillin at some posh party with a smooth talking Englishman who is an asshole to her in kind of a hot way.  Like, it would suck to get talked to like that, of course, and we're not condoning abuse in any sense, but goddamn, he could toss us around the room a bit and we totally wouldn't call the police until afterward because...well, because we have some issues.  Whatever it's none of your business.

Anyhoodle... 

Then B gets herself in a strop because apparently she isn't nearly as turned on by Duke Douchebag as we are, and marches outside only to run into some random gorgeous tatted pornstar-looking guy who kicks the crap out of the jerk and then whisks Britney back to his....storage unit?  Converted warehouse loft?  Whatever, doesn't matter, he's hot and then he bones her.

So everything's good right?  WRONG.

Apparently Porno Paul has been into some shady stuff (he is....wait for it....a CRIMINAL) and the police show up to make him pay for his many presumably hot and sexy transgressions.  Some stuff happens and for some reason they all open fire on the building because, why not, and then BritBrit and Smutty Sam tool off into the London distance on his bike because they're immune to bullets or something.

Long story short the whole thing is VERY GOOD and if nothing else reinforces the fact that no one in this world can fast-dance to a slow song like Britney Spears.

Girls' Generation talk about 'The Boys' in new video - watch the teaser now!

Let's all talk about how Korea is going to take over the world. 

No, not that one.

That one.

That right there, folks, is Girls' Generation, which is a band that consists of nine attractive girls because eight would not be enough, who all have their own "personalities" and quirky manner of dress.  They are one of those manufactured girlgroups - like Pussycat Dolls, or N'Sync - and have had a great deal of success in their home country and Japan.  A lot of success.  Like, every single since their second one has gone to number 1. 

All you really need to know, though, is that they are about to launch their first worldwide single called 'The Boys,' and it is amazing. 

This is what it is like:



"Amazing."

After 'Bubble Pop' and now this, we're starting to get very worried about "the Korea problem."  Our pop girls better start stepping it up, lest the Axis of Amazing overthrow us for good.

Kelly Rowland wants you to 'Lay It On Me' in new video - watch the premiere now!

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Sunday Girl wants to 'Love U More' in new video - watch now!

I AM A MOODY POPSTAR WITH A RIDICULOUS (AMAZING) NAME

You know what was a great song?  'Love U More,' by Sunscreem.  You know, that dance song that came out in the 90s that everyone would recognize if they heard it but haven't thought about for years because they haven't heard it since that one rave in Detroit where the warehouse burned down and Donna got pregnant by that high school sophomore? 

You know, this one:





 Yes.  That one.


And you know who else thought it was great?  Something called Sunday Girl, which is a girl, or a day, or something, which has done a remake of 'Love U More' with a QUITE STYLISH video to boot.  And when we say stylish we mean literally stylish, in that we're pretty sure it was cobbled together from b-roll of a Gilt Groupe sale page shoot.  But whatever, the slo-mo bits are kind of cool so it's fine.

If anyone cares, Sunday Girl is actually a woman by the name of Jade Williams, but we think we can all recognize that Sunday Girl is a much better name for a pop star than Jade Williams which at the end of the day is probably why she is called Sunday Girl and not Jade Williams. 

Long story short, though, 'Love U More' is still amazing and Sunday Jade Girl-Williams's version of it is very good, and also just FYI, Doc Martens are coming back so that's something we all need to make peace with.