Britney is in love with a 'Criminal' in new video - watch the premiere now!

Don't drink and drive, kids.

Britney certainly is riding high, isn't she?  She's had quite a streak of worldwide hits off her Femme Fatale album, has just conquered the globe on tour, and now has two RATHER ATTRACTIVE MEN fighting over her in her new video.

Yes, the long-awaited clip for new single 'Criminal' is finally here, and IT IS A DOOZY ladies and gentlemen.  It's by far the best clip off the album to date stylistically, but more importantly Britney looks better in it than she has in years.  And even more importantly than that, it extends her already lengthy history of having LITERALLY THE HOTTEST MEN in her videos. 

First glam-Brit is all chillin at some posh party with a smooth talking Englishman who is an asshole to her in kind of a hot way.  Like, it would suck to get talked to like that, of course, and we're not condoning abuse in any sense, but goddamn, he could toss us around the room a bit and we totally wouldn't call the police until afterward because...well, because we have some issues.  Whatever it's none of your business.

Anyhoodle... 

Then B gets herself in a strop because apparently she isn't nearly as turned on by Duke Douchebag as we are, and marches outside only to run into some random gorgeous tatted pornstar-looking guy who kicks the crap out of the jerk and then whisks Britney back to his....storage unit?  Converted warehouse loft?  Whatever, doesn't matter, he's hot and then he bones her.

So everything's good right?  WRONG.

Apparently Porno Paul has been into some shady stuff (he is....wait for it....a CRIMINAL) and the police show up to make him pay for his many presumably hot and sexy transgressions.  Some stuff happens and for some reason they all open fire on the building because, why not, and then BritBrit and Smutty Sam tool off into the London distance on his bike because they're immune to bullets or something.

Long story short the whole thing is VERY GOOD and if nothing else reinforces the fact that no one in this world can fast-dance to a slow song like Britney Spears.

FREE DOWNLOAD: Britney's new single (?) 'Seal It With A Kiss' gets a BANGIN REMIX

...because a lady should never be seen without lipstick.

So Brit's been doing pretty well, eh?  The first 3 tracks from LP 'Femme Fatale' have gone top 10 in the US - something she has never achieved before - and her personal life has been pretty calm in comparison to her storied past.  She's on a world tour with sellouts all over the place, and gets groped by hot dancers every night.  Also she's not fat anymore.  Not that we care about that sort of thing, but it should be noted. 

In any case...IT IS GOOD TO BE BRITNEY.

Understandably, Brit-Brit and her people want to keep the good times rolling, so they've begun gearing up for a fourth possible single from the album, by commissioning some remixes.  Some F*CKING BRILLIANT REMIXES.  Like this one.

It is a version of 'Seal It With A Kiss' and it's by something called a Peter Thomas who apparently remixes things.  It is VERY GOOD, and thanks to music journalist extraordinaire Arjan we can all enjoy an absolutely free download of it as well (just click on the download button at the right side of the player).  Make sure you hug him if you see him. 

The mix keeps it short and sweet - clocking in at under 4 minutes - but packs a hell of a punch.  It's all thumping beats, high-energy synths, and of course Britney's trademark autotune vocals.  So staple in your "going out" weave, put on your best leopard print mini, and ROCK THE F OUT, because this baby's a corker.


Britney Spears - Seal It With A Kiss (Peter Thomas Remix) by arjanwrites

It's BRITNEY VS XTINA IN LAST NIGHTS POP-OFF - watch their stuff now

We love each other, y'all

Last night was a VERY BIG NIGHT for teen pop divas-turned adult pop divas.  Not only did we get the first performance of Xtina's new single with Adam Levine, but Britney decided to one-up her and chuck out her own slick new video.

First up we had good ol' Christina, trudging her caboose out on stage for the last few seconds of Maroon 5's new single her new track with Maroon 5, 'Moves Like Jagger' on which she is NOT AT ALL AN AFTERTHOUGHT.  This song is actually growing on us - a bit like a fungus - but it's not like Chrissy has anything to do with that.  She's literally featured for about three seconds, during which she does some vocal runs and proves, ONCE AGAIN, that she can "saaang."  Still, it's very good and will hopefully set her down the road to musical recovery. 

Shall we take a look? Yes, we shall - but first, a warning - for the first .5 seconds of this video you will see the face of Carson Daly.  We apologize.


Not one to be outdone by her former rival, soon after the announcement that 'Jagger' would be performed last night, Brit Brit tweeted her intention to debut the brand new video for 'I Wanna Go.'  We already raved about the preview, in which she wears ironic things, stands by an ironic sign, and slashes paparrazzi with a microphone.  Ironically.  It's all RATHER GOOD INDEED if you can get over her one eye trying to get off her face.  Seriously, her makeup people can't fix that?  Whatever, it's still awesome and the rest of her looks hot.  Plus, flashing kids on the street is always cool. 

So did it live up to our expectations?  Yes.  Yes it did.


ADVANTAGE: BRITNEY.

Britney looks GOOD in her RATHER AMAZING 'I Wanna Go' video - watch the preview now!

I'm coming for you, Gaga

When we first saw the preview for Brit's new video our expectations were pretty low.  If the single artwork was anything to go on, we reasoned, we were about to get some low-budget crapfest with lots of closeups of Britney's eyes or just her boob flopping around rhythmically for 4 minutes or something.  So you can imagine our surprise when the preview ended up being A LITTLE BIT SPECTACULAR.

Our initial thought upon seeing Britney's newly toned bod was "damn," and it only got better from there.  The microphone trick, the filming style, the distinct sense of "THIS IS HOW A VIDEO SHOULD BE DONE..."

We are very, very pleased, ScopiSubjects.  If Gaga thought she had won the pop diva battle she was obviously sorely mistaken.  Brit has certainly come out swinging - swinging a studded microphone, no less - and one gets the feeling it would be.....unwise... to count her out.

There are a few things in particular that make this preview amazing, and they are, in ascending order of amazingness:

1. Britney's abs
2. The marquee that advertises "Crossroads 2: Cross Harder"
3. EVERYTHING ELSE

So welcome back, everyone, to a world where Britney puts out amazing videos. 

BRITNEY'S BRAND NEW MADONNA COVER IS AMAZING - Listen to 'Burnin Up' in full

oh hello.

So however we feel about Madonna-mantis nowadays, no one can deny that she had some DEFINITE JAMS.  One of our favorites of the above-mentioned jams was a 1983 tune called 'Burnin Up,' which was actually Madge's first ever single.  It didn't dent the Hot 100, but did peak in the top 3 of the dance charts, and set the Material Monster up for her worldwide dominance that she enjoys from her macrobiotic oxygen pod today.

So when we heard that Britney was planning a cover of the song we were understandably VERY EXCITED.  And then we heard a clip and we were VERY VERY EXCITED.  And now the full version has leaked and it is KIND OF AMAZING.

Sure, it sounds like a b-side, and yeah it doesn't top the original, but who here really expected that it would?  The answer is no one.

But it's still amazing.

ATTENTION EVERYONE: THIS IS THE NEW BRITNEY SINGLE ARTWORK

We will let you come to your own conclusion, as long as that conclusion is that IT IS TERRIBLE.

Thank god the song is still amazing.

Last night a thing happened that was amazing and this is a video of that thing - watch Britney and Nikki Minaj perform now!

"I don't feel real good, y'all"

So last night was the Billboard Awards or the Irrelevant Magazine World Cup or the CHARTS MEAN NOTHING NOW AND WE FEAR FOR OUR CAREERS ceremony or something.  It was basically one of those self-congratulatory crapfests where the people who were always obviously going to win won and the people who obviously weren't going to win didn't even show up, but the evening was notable for one thing.  And this is that thing:



No, Britney can't dance still, and no, Nikki Minaj is still nothing more than a big personality with kinda crap songs, but goddamn if that wasn't a blast to watch.

BRITNEY and RIHANNA sing TOGETHER on DUET - listen now

...and then the autotune machine exploded

The entire world (read: the world of teenage girls and some gays) has come crashing down today at the news that Rihanna and Britney have recorded a track together.  It's clearly a RED LETTER MOMENT IN POP HISTORY on par with the Beyonce/Gaga collab... unless it isn't.  Which it's not.

You see, the whole thing started when the Def Jam Recordings intern who tweets as Rihanna asked who RiRi's fans most wanted her to sing with.  The answer was Britney - which is good because it is the correct answer, and also because Britney + Rihanna = awesomesauce.

Apparently Britney took the news super well, cause she phoned in some vocals to Rihanna's answering machine and some producer chucked them onto a karaoke track of 'S&M' for us all to enjoy.


So yeah, not the WORLD CHANGING POWERBALLAD SLASH POPPERS-O-CLOCK-CORKER we would have liked, but whatever we'll take what we can get. 



"neat."

It's the Britpocalypse in the Britney vid for 'Til The Wolrd Ends' - watch the video now!

I can't get up, y'all

Britney can't dance anymore.  She just can't.  Whatever happened when she shaved her head and popped two kids out of her Spearsness just annihilated that special spark inside her that allowed her to dance like a super talented stripper with daddy issues.  With each of her live performances, her newly acquired ineptitude at moving her body becomes more and more apparent, and we're just about to the "acceptance" stage in the timeline of THE SEVEN STAGES OF ACCEPTING THAT A POP DIVA HAS LOST HER TALENT which is approximately where we were at with Whitney before she "forgot to modulate" at her Central Park concert.

But take heart, ScopiSubjects, because we live in a world where even though your ONE ACTUAL TALENT is gone, you can still make some rather amazing records, and a few really good videos to boot.

Case in point - Brit's new preview video of 'Til The World Ends,' which is all THINGS EXPLODING and NAKED PEOPLE and DANCING NAKED PEOPLE EXPLODING and also Britney flailing about lazily like a dying fish.

It's only 30 seconds long, but this preview alone is better than half the videos that are chucked out these days.  We're sure it'll be weighed down with product-placement and probably have a point somewhere in the middle where the music stops and they let Britney speak for some reason, but in whole it will likely still be AMAZING and we are very much looking forward to it.

EDIT: IT IS GOOD.

Britney does ok on Good Morning America - watch now plus new tour plans!!

...and this is how I got my record deal

Britney Spears is super gung-ho for her new 'Femme Fatale' album project, what with some "surprise" (read: NOT SURPRISING) performances in Vegas over the weekend and then a stop by the Today Show this week. With her two singles out before the album and endless promotion, Brit's a great example of the NEW MUSIC MARKETING MODEL which equates to about 14 singles released a week-and-a-half apart from each other, and some sort of "Canis - Perfume For Dogs" tie in or something ridiculous, just to ensure a healthy chart debut based on moving a quarter of the units a blockbuster album would have shifted a few years ago.  So yeah, the industry is in a great place right now.

Anyway, Brit's been tirelessly slogging her tracks for anyone who will listen, despite the fact (or perhaps BECAUSE of the fact) that 'Til The World Ends' faceplanted into the top 40 gutter after only a couple weeks.  We're sure that the whole album leaking didn't help matters, but still. A single falling from #9 to #23 the week before its parent album comes out is never a good sign.

Having said that, Miss Spears is sure to be #1 this week, but it will be interesting to see how many copies she sells.  It's a brilliant dance record, sure, but are we the only ones that think these live performances leave something to be desired?  Lip syncing worked when her EPIC DANCING distracted us.  But post-breakdown Brit never really regained her dancing mojo and watching her these days we can't help feeling a little bit....bored. 

We'd like - just once - to hear BS actually sing.  It's not like anyone is expecting a lot out of a BRITNEY LIVE VOCAL, so she has a pretty low bar to reach anyway. With her JUST-ANNOUNCED plans to tour this year with Enrique Iglesias, perhaps he can give her some lessons. 

Britney's new album title sounds like bad softcore or worse perfume, but 'Femme Fatale' will still be AMAZING

Logo nonsense FTW

Here's something about Britney from Britney's people. It basically talks about Britney in a way that makes her seem awesome and then says some stuff about her new album before talking about how super she is again. We're going to let the self-congratulation go because, to be quite frank, no one has ever written a press release about us and so we're really not ones to talk, and also we'd very much like to not alienate the whole of the "press-release-writing" union just in case it happens sometime in the future.

There is, however, still the matter of the album artwork which is alternatively AMAZING and SHIT depending on which part of the record cover you are looking at. To illustrate:

AMAZING

SHIT

Because Britney is obviously VERY CLEVER, we can only assume that the juxtaposition of these extremes is quite on purpose, as a sort of preview of how the album is going to be. So, going off the cover art ratio, we are forced to conclude that the album is going to be 63% BRILLIANT and 37% TREMENDOUSLY BAD, which will slot it in very nicely above 'Circus' but below 'Blackout' in the list of Top 3 Greatest Britney Albums.

Here's the press release:


Britney Spears New Album Titled “Femme Fatale” – Official Press Release

New York, NY – Britney Spears announces her seventh studio album is titled Femme Fatale. The iconic global superstar’s title Femme Fatale is a tribute to bold, empowered, confident, elusive, fun, flirty women and men. It’s not a conceptual album, Spears is letting the music speak for itself. She’s worked hard on it for two years and she considers it to be her “best album to date,” true to where she is now personally and professionally.

Femme Fatale (Jive Records) is executive produced by Max Martin and Dr. Luke.
Spears is peerless among her contemporaries. Throughout the years, Britney has consistently released hit after hit for over a decade, selling close to 70 million albums cumulatively worldwide.

Few artists have earned the distinction of having five No.1 debut albums, and 24 Top 40 hits. She most recently set a new one-day precedent for single sales with her current No. 1 hit song, “Hold It Against Me.”

The ACTUAL new Britney is RIGHT HERE - listen now!

If i don't hold it, my weave will come off :(

The other day we chucked up a guide vocal demo of Britney's new 'Hold It Against Me.'  It was alright.  Like, not terrible, and we could certainly see it being played ont he radio and such, but it was nothing that reached out and grabbed us. 

Oh how a few days can change things.  Brit's version of the song has just shown up on the interwebs, and we're pleased to report it is a billion times better than the one we'd already heard.  It's BIGGER, STRONGER, FASTER and BRITNIER.

Mmm.  Britnier.

Listen to (maybe) the brand new Britney now!!

Aw damn y'all, I leaked again?

So we all knew it'd happen - Brit's track has (maybe) leaked a few days ahead of its official radio date.  But as Britney herself knows all too well, loose lips sink ships and all that.

The track that leaked doesn't feature Britney's vocals but is likely a demo of the song, sung by a session singer that has a lot more vocal ability than B-Sizzle but isn't batshit insane and therefore can't sell her own records.  :(

As for the song, it's a kind of Ke$ha-but-less-disease-riddled dirty dance affair with a pretty catchy chorus.  Like it's totally a B+, but with a hot video or a date with Justin Beiber it could easily bump up to an A- by association.  It's all about the buzz these days anyway. 

Anyway, you all can hear it right now by heading over HERE to our Facebook page and liking us!

Glee does Britney - listen to some Glitney tracks now!

We're just going to come out and say it.  We hate Glee.  Not the idea, no, and we actually loved the first couple episodes.  It was biting, satirical and - most importantly - it told a compelling story.  Since then, however, it's devolved into a messy hour long commercial for the music it churns out.  At this point it's pretty clear that the "men upstairs" just decide what super great songs they want to rape, and then shoehorn the plot around them while a bunch of 32 year-olds dance around pretending they are promiscuous teenagers with biologically autotuned voiceboxes.

That said, a Britney episode is coming up and that is AMAZING.  Why, you ask?  Because it is BRITNEY. 

Here's a preview of what tracks we can expect to hear:



The Britney episode airs Tuesday at 9 EST on FOX

Britney finally shows us her '3' - watch the entire video now

Britney's US chart-topper (and, one would imagine, soon to be international smash) '3' finally gets a video and anyone hoping for a Spears sex-fest will be sorely disappointed. But if you're a fan of hooker-pole dancing and quick edits that manage to not show Brit doing more than one move at a time, you'll be quite pleased.

Still a good jam, and at this point the video is just window dressing. So we're totally on board with the vid.



Out now in the US and out Nov 9 in the UK

A first look at Britney's '3' video - watch it now (it doesn't take very long)

Us: Well that was satisfying, wasn't it?

You: No.

:(

Britney turns '3' - listen now

The world waits.  A universe holds its breath.  And then the new Britney single debuted.  And it was ok.  It's a bit 'old Britney' but with all sorts of new production fun.  It has a nice low-key breakdown.  It will make some KILLER remixes.  It could be better, of course, but as long as she's not shaving her head it's fine with us. 



By the third listen it becomes pretty amazing.  Almost literally so. 

Britney sings 'You Outta Know' live in this new vid

We are as shocked as you are. Britney can apparently stand up, hold a microphone AND carry a tune all at the same time. Two questions:

1. Where has this Britney been hiding?

2. Ok that's really it. WTF WOMAN, WHY HAVEN'T YOU DONE THIS BEFORE




Amazing. A glimpse of what could be - and if she knows what's good for her, what will be.

Chart Chat UK: Aug 2, 2009

For the first time in a while there's a changing of the guard as the Black Eyed Peas hop from 3 to the number 1 slot with "I Gotta Feeling' and push boyband JLS down to number two. BLP's 'Boom Boom Pow' is still hanging around at number 13 and doesn't show signs of bunking off anytime soon either, so this is shaping up to be quite a good summer for the band. JLS won't be crying into their hoodies anytime soon either, as a few week run at the top is more than the X Factor runners-up could legitimately have hoped for a couple months ago. Meanwhile, Pitbull continues his ascent, finding a new peak of 4, up from 7 last week. Elsewhere, the chart is pretty quiet. Noisettes finally scrape into the Top 20 with their followup to the smash 'Don't Upset The Rhythm,' 'Never Forget You.' It's a pleasant enough track and while nowhere near as balls-out phenomenal as 'Rhythm' I'll be surprised if this one doesn't peak a bit higher when all is said and done. Frankmusik's latest attempt at a hit slides down to 32 after a rather lowly debut of 29 last week. He puts out the kind of androgynous electro-rock that the kids go crazy for these days, so it's beyond me why he hasn't caught on. The once 'next big thing' is now starting to look a bit like an also-ran destined for the bargain bin. Just below and very much on the upswing, Little Boots clocks in at 33 with 'Remedy,' two weeks ahead of the single release. After the disappointment of 'New In Town' (peak: 13) the boys in marketing will be chucking everything at the wall for this baby. Finally, a moment of quiet reflection for Britney's 'Radar' which despite being released with remixes and the whole shebang this week can't even scrape into the top 40. This one just wasn't on record buyers'...radar.

The UK Top Ten:
1 - Black Eyed Peas: I Gotta Feeling
2 - JLS: Beat Again
3 - Mr Hudson Ft. Kanye West: Supernova
4 - Pitbull: I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)
5 - Cascada: Evacuate the Dancefloor
6 - Beyonce: Sweet Dreams
7 - La Roux: Bulletproof
8 - Lady Gaga: Paparazzi
9 - David Guetta Ft. Kelly Rowland: When Love Takes Over
10 - Chicane: Poppiholla