Friday, March 30, 2012


Only in the rarest of circumstances do we post twice in the same day but THIS IS ONE OF THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES, albeit mostly because we were lazy and forgot to post the Saturdays thing earlier.

But the real reason we are posting twice is because no matter what else happens in the entire world we are morally obligated to write about any new Dragonette music because they are LITERALLY AMAZING, and because they are without a doubt the most underrated band in existence today.  Both of these statements are facts and if anyone reading this doubts them, they can sit on a knife because that person is of no use to a society that values incredible songs and also because fuck you, don't question us.

Anyhoodle, here's the new Dragonette.  We already mentioned that it is AMAZING but let us just underscore once more that it is ACTUALLY TREMENDOUS in the most epic sense possible and deserves to be number 1 for 17 weeks and then win every Grammy including the spoken word children's book category which is an actual thing for some reason.

If you like The Saturdays, you will like their new song '30 Days' - listen to the premiere now!

One of us is wearing very blue tights.
Does anyone else remember a time when an artist's music came out at reasonable intervals and entire album campaigns weren't abandoned after a couple of months?  BECAUSE WE DO.  Apparently, though, the rest of the world has forgotten how nice it was to have a band put out some tunes and then "live with them" for a while.  We loyal listeners would be treated to a few different performances of each single on some different tv shows, and maybe even a live jazz version or something after the track had become a hit so it didn't seem too pretentious, of course.

But those days are over, ScopiSubjects, or at least they are for The Saturdays and their ilk.  Their last album was released in November of 2011, but they group have already moved on to new material - ostensibly from a new LP.  It might be for the best, of course - it's not like "On Your Radar" set the charts afire.  It limped in at a dismal #23 in the UK, and then disappeared into Wikipedia quiz obscurity immediately thereafter.

But never fear, suits at Fascination Records whose new home balloon payments depend on the girls' royalties!  In the interest of "keeping the momentum going" for the band, The Sats' handlers have decided to gloss over that album, pretend it never happened, and start fresh and new with brand-spankin fresh material....that sounds more or less like a track that would have been rejected from the very album they're trying to forget for being "a bit too crap."

Because of course.

That's not to say it's bad by any means - '30 Days' finds the foxy fivesome doing what they do best: slick dance-pop with a ravey poppers-and-glitter vibe.  It's not going to win the band any converts, but at least it's not a complete misfire. 

And on the upside, at this rate we'll have 3 full new Saturdays albums by Christmas.

'30 Days' is out in the UK in May.

Monday, March 26, 2012

UK XFactor Judge Tulisa's New Donkfest Single Is Here

Terrifyingly, this is not the sex tape.

Is it a coincidence that the brand new single by former N-Dubz group member and current UK X-Factor judge Tulisa is coming out mere days after her sex tape "accidentally" leaked?  Tulisa's team says that yes, it is, but we're pretty sure they were winking and maniacally laughing the entire time.

After all, it seems pretty convenient that the whole idea of the track is "oh when you're young you do stupid things, so screw you all I was young and also when I say I'm sorry in the song what I actually mean is f*ck off and then buy my album" considering the surrounding circumstances.

Even if the one-two punch of a sex tape and single (a phenomenon which we're terming "sex single") is a giant promo stunt and everyone knows it, the truth of the matter is it will probably work.  Which is good because otherwise there's no way this song would get noticed.  Pre-sex tape, this track would be a top 40 also-ran.  Now Tulisa's likely looking at a top 10 hit and a place on every tired Ibiza-themed compilation from now until next summer.

"We Are Young" - not to be confused with the Fun/Janelle Monae track that actually contains some artistic merit - is a by-the-numbers Euro donkfest meant to appeal to the lowest common denominator, and will do just that.  Sure there might be some killer remixes, and yeah it'll sound good as background noise while we drunkenly glitter bomb the drunk girl who shoved in ahead of us at the bar, but nothing about this track is particularly special or memorable in any way.

Which is fine.  Thanks to her sex tape we at least know she's good at SOMETHING.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The Gossip are back with 'Perfect World' - listen now!

I am Beth Ditto and you are now my slave
The Gossip are an underrated band and everyone knows that except the people that should be rating them more.  Their frontwoman Beth Ditto is an amazing force of musical nature, and even though she's off pursuing solo stardom she still has been working with her band because THE WORLD CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH BETH.

It's certainly taken a while - their last single was back in 2010 (though their most recent chart hit came in 2009) - but the group are screaming back onto the scene with alt-pop corker 'Perfect World.'  It's not the usual poppers-and-glitter donkfest we fawn over here, but to be fair Gossip have always turned out some BALLS TO THE WALL remixes so we're not too worried.  Also the single is produced by F*CKING XENOMANIA so anyone who has a problem with it can just go sit on a knife.

It's a welcome return and we can't wait to hear the rest of the album.  Unless it's crap.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Marina and the Diamonds are about to drop the single of the Spring - 'Primadonna' is here and it is amazing

So Marina and the Diamonds are this thing that is mostly just a girl named Marina who sings some songs.  A couple years ago two or three of those songs became major players on "the blogs" and minor players on the charts, but it appears that all of that may have just been a quiet, unheralded precursor to Marina ACTUALLY TAKING OVER THE WORLD.

Marina's past "hits" were brilliant in their own understated way - 'I Am Not A Robot' was a particularly enjoyable tune - but it was clear all along that the songs weren't really intended for big chart success.  But with the band's new album 'Electra Heart' EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED.  Big names, big tunes, and (hopefully) big success.

The first real track from the album (the earlier released buzz track 'Radioactive' has been axed from the LP) is called 'Primadonna' and it is one of the best singles to come out so far in 2012.  It's got a killer melody, a sickeningly catchy hook, and - judging by the teaser - is going to have a rad-ass video to go along with it.

Here's 'Primadonna' in all its radio-ripped glory, and a short snippet of the video just to whet your visual appetite.


Friday, March 9, 2012

Madonna GOES FOR THE GAYS with 'Girl Gone Wild' video - watch the teaser now!

I'm like your grandma.  But naked.
So not everyone (read: almost no one) was super pleased with Madge-mantis' BIG COMEBACK SINGLE 'Give Me All Your Luvin,' and after it made its one-and-done appearance on the US charts and epically flopped in the UK, all the new album's hopes were pinned on the second track from her new LP.  

The track is called 'Girl Gone Wild' and it is kind of a shitshow.  It's essentially a retread of 'Celebration' (both songs were done by Benny Bennassi) and manages to sound both over- and under-produced at the same time.  It's a bit behind the curve of the whole "dance revolution" that has taken over the pop world, but to be fair it has some stomping remixes to accompany it so not everything is lost and it might just rule the clubs for a good few months.

While its chart prospects may be in doubt, we're not sure that was ever the point.  Because what we are sure of is that this is not a track intended to appeal to the mainstream.  Like, at all.  Madonna knows that her only remaining hardcore fan-base is THE GAYS, and anyone with one or more gay as a Facebook friend knows that the second this came out they were ALL OVER IT in epic fashion, tossing all the "werk"s and "furrce"s they could muster at it even though it is terrible.

If that wasn't sign enough that this track is squarely aimed at the confirmed bachelors of the world, we also have handy proof in the video teaser for the clip which showed up online today.  It's all Kazaky-ish abs-and-pecs madness with guy-on-guy action and quick black and white cuts (courtesy of the literally awesome photo team Mert & Marcus of Vogue, W, and general Conde Nast-y fame) and the whole thing would be RATHER SHOCKING INDEED if this was 2003 and if Lady Gaga never happened.

Also Madonna fingers herself in the preview.  Because of course she does.

'Girl Gone Wild' is out now for download and is....not doing well.  But when you're selling out 100,000-capacity stadiums at $400 a pop and boatloads of albums, who cares about putting out a relevant single?

Not Madonna.  Because fuck you she's Madonna.

As a caveat to all of this, however, the rest of the album is kind of brilliant in an epic sense - which actually just angers us more because OF ALL THE TRACKS SHE COULD HAVE CHOSEN WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THIS GARBAGE?

Madonna - Girl Gone Wild (Teaser) from Roberto on Vimeo.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Calvin Harris keeps chucking out singles - listen to 'Let's Go' feat. Ne-Yo now

This is Calvin Harris with his hair done.
There was once a time when musical artists would release a song to promote an album, and then actually release an album.  But that time has passed and we are now living in an age where an act can get away with shooting parent-albumless singles out every orifice like some musical Teen Mom nightmare in a Wal*Mart bathroom.  We call these tracks "orphan songs" (sadface) and though most end up on an album sooner or later (even if it is a NOW! collection or some other nonsense) we still feel a bit sorry for them.

Calvin Harris hasn't quite gone that far, as he keeps telling us an actual LP is coming.  But we're now on the fourth (!!) single from his new album and there's not even a release date on the books. 

Not that it seems to matter - all of the singles have done VERY WELL INDEED - 'Feels So Close' and his duet with Kelis, 'Bounce' each barely missed #1 in the UK (they both stalled at #2), and everyone in the world is still humming along to his #1 smash with Rihanna, 'We Found Love.'  So maybe Calvin is on to something here.  Rather than sell an entire album of songs for ten bucks, sell a couple EP's of the same song for 7.99.  With no parent LP eating into later singles' sales, the only way to get each song is to buy the track or remix package, so Calvin's label gets tons of money, the people get their track, and everybody goes home happy not knowing the difference except the people who bought the 7th Heaven Remix EP because SERIOUSLY GUYS, DO SOMETHING A LITTLE DIFFERENT FOR ONCE.

Regardless of the weirdness of the Calvin Harris promo campaign, 'Let's Go' is still a nice little dance romp, though probably only if you like Calvin Harris.  If you don't then you probably will not like it and also probably shouldn't listen to the radio at all for the rest of the year because literally everything that is coming out sounds exactly like this.