Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The new Alexandra Burke video is a lubed up torso-fest that is so tragically bad it is actually very good - watch 'Don't Let Me Start Without You' now!

SETTING:  The interior of a grubby Hoxton studio flat.  A number of strapping young rentboys room together here, in their time off from being tied up in Boy George's basement.

                   *Phone rings*

Casting Person:  "Hello, can I speak to (Miguel/J'Syn/Other model-ly male name) please?"

Model:  "Speaking."

Casting Person: "Congratulations, you've got the Alexandra Burke video gig!"

Model:  "Hurrah!  Now I can pay off my crippling chest-wax debt!  Tell me, what can I expect when I arrive?"

Casting Person:  "Some lights left over from an old ad campaign, a bit of glitter foil and a sub-par catering table, I'm afraid."

Model:  "I see.  Well, at least there will be food.  Though I don't eat very much.  I am a model, you see.  What should I wear?"

Casting Person:  "Just jeans will be fine."

Model:  "Okay jeans and t-shirt, got it."

Casting Person:  "No. Just jeans."

Model:  "Ah.  And what sort of rehearsal will there be?"

Casting Person:  "Unfortunately we spent the bulk of our budget on the lights and foil I was telling you about.  So, the choreography will have to be learned over the course of about 20 minutes, primarily from a dated aerobics workout tape."

Model:  "Hmm.  Well, all that aside, it's still Alexandra Burke isn't it, so I'm rather excited even so."

Casting Person:  "Yes, I can understand that, but I feel you should know that she will be dancing alongside you in the clip"

Model:  "Oh. This isn't going to be very good, is it?"

Casting Person:  "No."