Sunday, June 20, 2010

WHY DOES THE SITUATION HAVE A SINGLE? Listen to the premiere now!

I think you'll all join us in a collective "WTF" about the new The Situation "single" called, imaginatively, 'The Situation.'  It features Fatman Scoop, who the world was clearly clamoring to hear more from, and some fist-pumping, eyebrow-threading, muscle-juicing beats that wouldn't sound particularly out of place in a Miami nightclub in 2002. 

Sure it's terrible, but come on, we still TOTALLY WOULD. 

We actually looked for a release date for this gem but apparently no one actually cares.

Christina Aguilera's 'Bionic' is an EPIC FAIL

Oh, Christina.  How it has all gone so very, very wrong.  First the lead track 'Not Myself Tonight' sputtered just about everywhere it was released - it only made it to #23 on Billboard's Hot 100, and even in the UK the track struggled to a disappointing #12 - and now any hopes of the campaign being saved by the album release have been dashed, diced, and spat upon by a troupe of Lady Gaga drag queens with murder on their minds.

Yes, we've seen some rather lackluster album debuts recently, but 'Bionic''s 111,838 even throws under Mariah's disastrous 'Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel' which debuted with 180,000 in the U.S.  In a sad coincidence, both records bowed at number 3 on the Billboard Top 200.    'Bionic' fared a little better - chart wise at least - in the UK, where it scraped to the number 1 position.  It certainly did better than 'Memoirs,' which tanked outside the top 20, but Christina's accomplishment is somewhat tarnished by the fact that it had no competition and sold only 23,000 copies.  In a country that still buys records by the bucketload, that's pretty dismal.  Like, 'MacGruber' dismal. (EDIT - it only gets worse, as this week the album plunged from 1 to 29. Yes.  29.)

So today, as you are celebrating your fathers, take a break from all that masculine energy to spare a thought for Miss Aguilera, who is probably crying into her macrobiotic what germ as we speak.

Chalk this up to a terrible choice of first single (didn't we learn anything from Kylie's '2 Hearts'/'X'??) and Christina's refusal to give the public what they want.  Her fan base has matured, and as much as she wishes she was still 'Dirrty,' we have plenty of electro-skanks already.  What we don't have plenty of are seriously talented vocalists who can literally rule a tune like 'You Lost Me.'  Let's hope her label chucks it out as the next single and turns this ship around.