Wednesday, February 29, 2012

JoJo's big comeback single 'Sexy To Me' is LITERALLY EVERYTHING - listen to the premiere now

We have not posted anything in 7 days for the sole reason that we have been locked in our room listening to JoJo's new track on repeat.

It is called 'Sexy To Me' and is tremendous in a way that is somehow both completely old-school but also forward-thinking through and through.  It's kind of what would happen if P!nk's 'There You Go' had a baby with Britney's 'Blackout' album that then shot discoglitter out its pop-snatch.

In other words it is a stellar shitshow of amazingness, and accordingly will probably flop but whatever, the gays will love it and it'll keep B-list remix DJ's in business all summer.

By the time it is officially out, JoJo will have been off the radar for a full 6 years, which in pop time is about the length of the entire Industrial Revolution and JoJo is like some random pastoral rhubarb farmer who was in a coma or something - because she was kicked by a cow, let's say - and now it's 1910 and she's woken up all like HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS HAVE COMBUSTIBLE ENGINES except the combustible engine is THE INTERNET and "you guys" is ALL THE OTHER POP STARS who have been actually doing things for the last half-decade and have learned how to properly record and market a pop single in the modern age.

In other words we are not entirely convinced this whole "comeback" thing is going to be a blazing success.  First, because everyone forgot about JoJo and these days once people stop caring it's nearly impossible to reverse that decline unless you get fat and judge a TV singing competition or bang someone who is actually still famous, have a well-publicized meltdown and then judge a TV singing competition, and second, because even in all its EVERYTHING-AMAZINGNESS, 'Sexy To Me' still kind of sounds like a Hilary Duff b-side.

But whatever, as long as her leaked track 'Forever In My Life' is on the new album we'll be fine.

Here's 'Sexy To Me' in all its glory: