Monday, February 28, 2011

Gaga's 'Born This Way' video premieres and it is.......ugh, just watch it

She was born this way.  With a makeup artist, airbrushing and a giant wind machine.
This whole Lady Gaga thing has swiftly turned a corner and become a sort of epic shitshow of self indulgence and art-school narcissism.  It sorta began with the 'Alejandro' video, which received some pretty scathing reviews from just about everyone, and, apparently, Gaga took those criticisms and said 'screw you all, I'll do the same thing just weirder and with less of a point and an actual birthing scene for no reason.'

Sure there are some good bits.  But there are far more bad bits.  Also, we do not need to see ANYONE being ACTUALLY BORN, thank you very much, regardless of....well, regardless of anything, really.  

To be fair to the woman, you certainly can't look away from this clip - but it's kind of the music video equivalent of last night's Oscars ceremony.  It's trying desperately to be young and hip, but really just ends up being self-congratulatory, expected, and a little cringey to watch.

Womp womp.

Ke$ha makes one of her best videos for what is easily her worst song - watch 'Blow' now

"Thanks for hiring me but just a heads up, you smell real bad."
What the hell, Ke$ha.

Everyone knows you are a trashy whore with a debilitating fear of bathing facilities, but despite the fact your disease-riddled weave looks like it was dyed with a combo of Clorox and toilet water we've always had your back because your music is undeniably catchy.


'Blow' is a ridiculous mess of a song and your odd vocal affectations are doing it ABSOLUTELY NO FAVORS WHATSOEVER.  Furthermore, how it possibly took an army of songwriters and producers to chuck out this garbage is beyond us because a small band of infant gorillas could have crafted a better tune in less time and with less of an entitlement complex about it.  But, once again, we find ourselves crapping all over one aspect of your creative output while being brutally forced to praise another.  Pure crappiness of the song aside, your video for the track is actually kind of cool, albeit in a low-budget schlockfest kind of way, and with the sound down it's very nearly enjoyable to watch. 

The vid is all UNICORNS and LIGHTS and "KE$HA SEXY POSE" and also Jason Van Der Beek for some reason - and even though it has a definite "fifth single from the album" vibe to it, the video is likely the only thing that may save your 'Blow' single campaign from outright disaster.  We know you've become accustomed to life in the upper reaches of the charts as of late, but  come on, let's be honest - even if this garbage was by the Glee cast featuring Justin Bieber, it would still be a push to scrape the top 40.

It's pretty obvious Team Ke$ha are just treading water until your mess of a remix album comes out, so at this point everyone should really just cross their fingers, hold their noses, and pray this song tanks quickly. 

Ke$ha, honey, we're not mad.  We're just disappointed.