Thursday, April 7, 2011

Kelly Rowland polishes a turd with her 'Motivation' video - watch now!

Yes we can.
Kelly Rowland is apparently taking a two-pronged approach to achieve complete dominance of the b-list of music celebrities.  She's won over the gays repeatedly, but with a couple good dance jams that's not hard to do.  Her 'Commander' and 'When Love Takes Over' ensured she'll be a Pride-float mainstay for years, but mainstream success has so far largely eluded her.

K-Ro is hoping her new song will change that.  It's called 'Motivation,' and it is slow and sultry and also not very good.  The first problem with the track is that it is tuneless and a bit boring, but the most damning aspect of it is that it features Lil' Wayne.

So what's a girl to do when her BIG AMERICAN COMEBACK SONG is kind of awful?  Why, make a sexy video for it, of course.  In this day and age the number of listeners a song has is pretty irrelevant to its success anyway.  So when thousands of 14 year old boys click on Rowland's Youtube link, grab their dirty sweatsocks and lock themselves in their rooms for 4 minutes, everybody wins and Kelly gets to notch up another sort-of-hit.

So what is this super-sultry video like then?  Let's take a chronological look at some key points:

1.  Boobs - good
2.  Boobs - good
3.  Boobs - good
4.  BOOBS - very good
5.  No boobs - bad
6.  Boobs - good
7.  Lil' Wayne - VERY BAD
7.  Non-stop hip-thrusting for an extended period - excellent
8.  Boobs - good

So 6 out of 8 - which translates to a solid 3 out of 4 (MATH!!) but that only applies if the volume is turned down.  Because no matter how perky or lubed up they are, no amount of boobs can make up for Lil' Wayne rapping.