Friday, April 20, 2012

Cheryl Cole's 'Call My Name' may be the SONG OF THE SUMMER if you live in like, Wales or something

Much ink has been spilled about Cheryl Cole's viability as a solo artist, and not without reason.  Since her days in Girls Aloud she's been "the one to watch" and with her epic divorce, brush with malaria-death, and often-wobbly X-Factor judging, she has never exactly shied away from the limelight.  But even in the throes of explosive diarrhea, she has always managed to chuck out VERY GOOD SONGS by what seems like complete accident.

In short, she's not one of those artistes who puts out a song and says JUDGE ME ON MY MUSIC, O PUBLIC but for our immediate purposes that's just what we are going to try to do.  So here are some things about the big Cheryl Cole comeback single:

1.  It is a dance corker with a donk on it
2.  It is a thing by Calvin Harris, because of course it is
3.  It is not as good as "We Found Love" but Cheryl Cole is not as good as Rihanna so that seems appropriate
4.  It has a nice eastern-y feel to it sometimes which makes the track feel "a little bit different" in the way that purple cotton candy seems to taste slightly different than pink cotton candy even though it is exactly the same in every way
5.  It is very good and will likely have some discowhistle shirts-off hands-up rave remixes that we'll barely remember dancing to this summer
6. Somewhat confusingly it is by someone named only Cheryl, and not by Cheryl Cole.  This is ostensibly because Cheryl Cole's people feel that she is enough of an icon that she can go by one name.  (She is not.)
7.  It is out June 10, because apparently it's 1994 and people still release singles to radio A MONTH AND A HALF before they are available to purchase even though time and time again this has proven LITERALLY DISASTROUS to the chart prospects of "big time single launches."

Those were some things about the Cheryl Cole single.  And now here it is.

There it was.