Monday, March 26, 2012

UK XFactor Judge Tulisa's New Donkfest Single Is Here

Terrifyingly, this is not the sex tape.

Is it a coincidence that the brand new single by former N-Dubz group member and current UK X-Factor judge Tulisa is coming out mere days after her sex tape "accidentally" leaked?  Tulisa's team says that yes, it is, but we're pretty sure they were winking and maniacally laughing the entire time.

After all, it seems pretty convenient that the whole idea of the track is "oh when you're young you do stupid things, so screw you all I was young and also when I say I'm sorry in the song what I actually mean is f*ck off and then buy my album" considering the surrounding circumstances.

Even if the one-two punch of a sex tape and single (a phenomenon which we're terming "sex single") is a giant promo stunt and everyone knows it, the truth of the matter is it will probably work.  Which is good because otherwise there's no way this song would get noticed.  Pre-sex tape, this track would be a top 40 also-ran.  Now Tulisa's likely looking at a top 10 hit and a place on every tired Ibiza-themed compilation from now until next summer.

"We Are Young" - not to be confused with the Fun/Janelle Monae track that actually contains some artistic merit - is a by-the-numbers Euro donkfest meant to appeal to the lowest common denominator, and will do just that.  Sure there might be some killer remixes, and yeah it'll sound good as background noise while we drunkenly glitter bomb the drunk girl who shoved in ahead of us at the bar, but nothing about this track is particularly special or memorable in any way.

Which is fine.  Thanks to her sex tape we at least know she's good at SOMETHING.