Today is the day The Saturdays got a budget for a video - watch 'All Fired Up's' teaser now

"there is a lot of sex at our college."

The Saturdays have crap videos.  That's just something we have all accepted and learned to deal with.  Which is why it came as such a shock to see this teaser appear on the interwebs for their new single 'All Fired Up' - which became available for download yesterday in the UK. 

It's almost classy looking (!), and has a cool water bit to boot (!!).  It's not going to end up on Twitter associated with tags like #AMAZEBALLS or #GROUNDBREAKING or #WERKYOURPUZZY, etc., but we're talking about the band who gave us the American Eagle-advert that was 'Missing You,' for chrissake, so let's have some perspective.  Seriously, look it up.  You'll vomit.  (yay skinny!)

We already talked about how 'Fired' is one of those songs you have to let grow on you - a bit like a slow-moving fungus that is completely innocuous until it reaches your brain stem, at which point it makes you do a few booty bumps, rip off your clothes and TWIRL TWIRL TWIRL on the dancefloor - but the video at first glance is an in-your-face, moderately-budgeted clip that isn't really special in any way but can at least keep up with whatever botoxed-miming that the Sugababes have coming down the pike. 

AND THAT'S ALL WE EVER REALLY WANTED FROM THEM.

Nicole Scherzinger getting 'Wet' is kind of great - watch the new video now

"what do you mean your mom doesn't like me"

Nicole S has a new video and it is porn.  Like, straight up, full on, tits out/ass up porn.  Which is fine we guess - who are we to judge - but lord, she could at least have some subtlety right?  After all, the song is called 'Wet' and is about 'getting wet' and then going off to a dark corner to 'have some fun.'  So the whole thing just comes off as a bit on the nose if you ask us.

But no one DID ask us, so what we have essentially ended up with is a super skinny Kardashian look-alike shoving her box at the camera alongside a group of girls who look exactly like the Pussycat Dolls but are not the Pussycat Dolls because they're totally broken up and that would be stupid.

And all this happens to a kind of strange song that sounds like something we would have called ACTUALLY AMAZING until Lady Gaga ran the sound into the ground 2 years ago.  It's not bad, but it's one of those tracks that has really good verses but doesn't bother with a catchy chorus.  Which is ridiculous because THE WHOLE POINT OF A SONG IS THE CHORUS.

But whatever.  It probably won't even be released here anyway.  So all of our straight male readers (who clearly ended up at this site by complete accident) go ahead and enjoy this clip.  The rest of us will move on to something a little less crass.

Listen to Jason DeRulo's brand new track - 'It Girl'

I seem to have misplaced my shirt.

Jason DeRulo has done some very nice pop songs.  We know this because we named one of his tracks in our top 10 of 2010.  And we obvs have impeccable taste.

His current single didn't really set the charts on fire - 'Don't Wanna Go Home' petered out at #14 in the US - but nevertheless our expectations were pretty high for his new output.  In fact, when 'It Girl' was announced as the follow up single from his sophomore album, we got super excited for a minute and ate some carbs in celebration. (Ed: Don't lie.  No one believes you ate carbs.  Delete.).  Because come on.  "'It Girl.' It's such a great title, with so much potential! Something fierce (fingersnap/hip pop) or sassy (shouts of "werk") could have been on tap.  Or even something with a donk on it.

BUT IT WAS NOT TO BE.

To be fair, it's not bad.  It just wasn't anything (read: ANYTHING) like we were imagining in our unicorn-glittered minds.  When it starts out it sounds like it's going to be all OVERSUNG R&B SCHLOCKFEST FROM HELL but develops nicely into a decent little jam.  Jason sidesteps the plague of oversung vocal trickery in favor of a straightforward delivery, and turns what could have been an R.Kelly nightmare into a decent little filler track.  DeRizzle certainly has a talent for a hook, and while it's nothing groundbreaking, 'Girl' is executed pretty damn well.  And at the end of the day not everything can be an amazing club banger.  They have to play SOMETHING in doctors office waiting rooms don't they...

It's the kind of song that really won't change anything, and besides serving as the soundtrack for some middle schoolers' first "over the shirt action" in a 2002 Chevy parked outside a Friendly's,  no one is going to remember it.  But still - if we have to listen to one boring ballad this summer, this might just be it.

Maybe just give us a donk next time, eh J?

Who wants a FREE DOWNLOAD of the new Joe Jonas single remix?

This is a picture of two Joe Jonases.  It is also known by the title "the hottest couple in the world."

It has to be tough for a former boybander to break out on his own and fail.  And when the band you were in was as wildly obsessed over as the Jonas Brothers, it must be even harder than usual.  Which is why it must have stung terribly when Joe Jonas took the leap and launched his debut solo single to a resounding 'meh.' Though it's probably somewhat of a consolation to look in the mirror every day and see THAT staring back, but whatever.

Despite being a walking satchel of sex, Joe was unable to turn the seat-wetting fanaticism he incites into any sort of actual chart success, which is unfortunate since his first track 'See No More' actually had the makings of a nice hit.  But it was not to be, as it plodded its way to #92 and disappeared back into the pop abyss from whence it came.

It's not the first time this has happened, of course, and it certainly won't be the last, but if failed popstars have learned anything over the last decade or so of pop culture, it's "if at first you don't succeed, chuck out another song and put a donk on it."  AND DONK IT HE HAS.

Here, in download form, is the RATHER BRILLIANT Jump Smokers Mix of the brand new Joe Jonas single 'Love Slayer.'  It is urgent and energetic, and easily the best thing we've heard from the kid so far.  It might not get him the top 10 single he really needs to take off as a solo star, but we're guessing this jam will be tearing up the clubs in no time.

 FREE DOWNLOAD AHOY!
http://www.mediafire.com/?052sw1yo977mymi

Nicola Roberts' Lucky Day official preview will start your week off right - listen now!

If this one isn't top 10 I'll bleach everything I swear

One of our readers, whom we shall call "Ray" because that is his actual name, recently opined that we have been prone to hyperbole in a few of our posts. Fully accepting that, on occasion, this might be the case, as an experiment we are putting up the following official preview of Nicola Roberts' forthcoming single without fanfare or praise.

Instead, we are forgoing our usual overzealous handwringing by posting of the new 'Lucky Day' snippet without taking sides, or calling it PHENOMNUTS or whatever word we came up with during a Xanax and TheraFlu binge, or screaming at you in caps lock about how it is a terrifyingly excellent gift to humanity sent down from the heavens to reward us for not making Rebecca Black's new single a hit.

It has some vocals by Nicola, some words and music by Dragonette, and is out officially on September 18 for download and physical purchase in the UK.  And that is all we are going to say about it, because we are fully committed to giving our readers non-biased, fact based information that is not tainted by our personal opinion.

And because if you all don't realize it is F*CKING AMAZING on your own then you have no business calling yourselves pop fans.

DISCOWHISTLE CLUB BANGER AMAZINGNESS - Will Young's big, giant, amazing comeback track gets a big, giant, amazing remix

They always say "it's what happens beneath the surface" that matters...

A couple weeks ago we told you all about how Will Young got amazing again and is ACTUALLY BACK THIS TIME.  Well all that is still true but the whole thing is in fact a bit better than we originally stated because not only is Will Young amazing again and ACTUALLY BACK, but he is back with a dancy (read: amazing) song that has been REMIXED IN SPECTACULAR FASHION.

'Jealousy' was already certified pop genius, but with a bass-bump and a donk on it, it becomes something WHOLLY TRANSCENDENT.

Some highlights:
1.  The beginning
2.  The thing that happens between 1:28 and 1:30
3.  The NEARLY FULL MINUTE of buildup that starts quietly at 2:40 and ends, shirt off and arms up,  in a giant bomb of molten discoglitter at 3:30
4.  EVERYTHING ELSE

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what a very good song sounds like when it buys a fancy outfit, straps on some f*ck-me heels, drops a double-stacked ecstacy and GOES TO TOWN.

 Will Young - Jealousy (The Alias Radio Edit) by POPONANDON

HRNK!

Watch SixD's 'Best Damn Night - This is what would happen if Glee, Black Eyed Peas and Step Up:3D had a baby

Seriously you guys I lost my contact, check your shoes.

Ok so here's the thing.  When it starts you'll be like "omgsies I'm totes ready to hate this garbizzle" but something about it will make you keep listening and shortly before the first chorus you'll be like "well at least it's not as tragilicious as that tranny Countess LuAnn mess" and, resist as you might, by the time the breakdown bit ends you'll be all "goddammit now I'm supes obsessed" and will immediately download it from some dodgy blog or something and play it every night before you go out to whatever hotspot that cute boy with the spray tan and the sick calves (you know, the one who works in accounting but is only doing that until his modeling/event-planning career takes off) told you about, but for obvious reasons you will NEVER TELL ANYONE EVER.

Here is some of Nicola Roberts' new single 'Lucky Day'. We don't need to tell you that it's amazing. (but we will anyway)

This is Nicola filming the video for 'Lucky Day.'  In New York.  WHERE WE LIVE.

It is no secret that Nicola Roberts is amazing.  That is, it is no secret to us and two of our friends that Nicola Roberts is amazing, while it remains a complete secret to the rest of our friends, some people we don't like, and the record buying public at large.

Her debut single was a love-it-or-hate-it phenomfest of the highest order, that limped to #27 thanks to an ill-advised on air/on sale release.  We wrote all about that debacle here but the long and short of it is that IT WAS A STUPID IDEA AND SOMEONE MUST PAY.  

Chart floppage aside, Nicola IS amazing, ladies and gentlemen, to the point where if the next song she chucks out isn't number 1 for seventeen weeks we will do something drastic and unpredictable like move into Xenomania's basement or become vegetarians. So....do with that what you will.

Also, while we're on the subject, you know who else is amazing?  Dragonette.  Yes, the ones that did that song 'Hello' with that guy whose name you can't pronounce.  But also the ones who did the phenomenal debut album that no one heard, and the even better sophomore album that a few more people, but still not enough to not qualify as "no one," heard.  So when we discovered that Nicola's second single will be 'Lucky Day,' her collaboration with the band, we squealed we with delight, did a bit of the dance from the 'Beat Of My Drum' video and then exploded into a cloud of pixie dust.

BUT NOT BEFORE WE WROTE THIS.  (obviously)

Anyway, here's a video of some parts of the song. 



AMAZING.