Ok so Natalia Kills is kind of useless in terms of where she fits in on the music landscape, but that doesn't mean she's not good. Yeah she sounds like Rihanna and looks like what would happen if Katy Perry grew a penis and impregnated Lily Allen, but beneath all the similarities to every major pop act out there right now beats the heart of a pretty great performer.
Likewise, her new jam 'Wonderland' sounds like an amalgamation of a number of current or recent hits but actually boils down to what would happen if 'Disburbia' was ACTUALLY BETTER. Which leads us to the up-until-now-unlikely conclusion that Miss Kills might pull this whole thing off after all. And if she keeps putting out tunes like this we certainly hope she does.
As for the video, well, just watch for yourself. But we will say that if we ever wake up screaming in a pool of our own pee it will probably be because of those goddamned rabbit masks.
Tear Dispensery Associate: Yes, how many would you like?
Sky Ferreira: Well my first few singles didn't really take off like everyone thought they would, so probably quite a few.
Tear Dispensery Associate: Oh dear. Well how badly did they do?
Sky Ferreira: So bad I can't even make a real video for my next single. I have to do a "lyrics" video. Which sucks because the song is ACTUALLY AMAZING in an 80's THROWDOWN STOMPFEST kind of way.
Tear Dispensery Associate: What is a "lyrics" video?
Sky Ferreira: That's where the record company is super cheap and so they pay an unemployed UC Santa Barbara grad whose parents let him major in Communications because they don't love him to press some buttons on his Macbook Pro and throw together a clip that flashes the words to the song up on the screen as they are sung.
Tear Dispensery Associate: That sounds awful. How about 99 tears.
Yes, we know you're all waiting for the Katy Perry video that premieres at noon, but in the meantime we thought we'd point out that a VERY GOOD SONG by a VERY GOOD ARTIST got a VERY GOOD VIDEO and has just come out.
It is called 'Asthma Attack,' and it is by CockNBullKid, an act (a girl) that has been on "the blogs'" up-and-coming lists for what seems like ages now. And with good reason, it seems, as 'Asthma' is a delightful slice of Britpop with a nod back to that genre's golden age of Blur and all the other acts that weren't as good as Blur but sounded kind of similar.
So here it is, a really good track without a lot of bells and whistles, but one that is ultimately more satisfying than most any Katy Perry track. Now, for another hour and twenty minutes, until 'E.T.' comes down from the heavens and distracts us with its insanely-budgeted Kanye West-ness, we can all sit back, relax, forget all about KP for just a moment, and enjoy this hidden gem.
Britney Spears is super gung-ho for her new 'Femme Fatale' album project, what with some "surprise" (read: NOT SURPRISING) performances in Vegas over the weekend and then a stop by the Today Show this week. With her two singles out before the album and endless promotion, Brit's a great example of the NEW MUSIC MARKETING MODEL which equates to about 14 singles released a week-and-a-half apart from each other, and some sort of "Canis - Perfume For Dogs" tie in or something ridiculous, just to ensure a healthy chart debut based on moving a quarter of the units a blockbuster album would have shifted a few years ago. So yeah, the industry is in a great place right now.
Anyway, Brit's been tirelessly slogging her tracks for anyone who will listen, despite the fact (or perhaps BECAUSE of the fact) that 'Til The World Ends' faceplanted into the top 40 gutter after only a couple weeks. We're sure that the whole album leaking didn't help matters, but still. A single falling from #9 to #23 the week before its parent album comes out is never a good sign.
Having said that, Miss Spears is sure to be #1 this week, but it will be interesting to see how many copies she sells. It's a brilliant dance record, sure, but are we the only ones that think these live performances leave something to be desired? Lip syncing worked when her EPIC DANCING distracted us. But post-breakdown Brit never really regained her dancing mojo and watching her these days we can't help feeling a little bit....bored.
We'd like - just once - to hear BS actually sing. It's not like anyone is expecting a lot out of a BRITNEY LIVE VOCAL, so she has a pretty low bar to reach anyway. With her JUST-ANNOUNCED plans to tour this year with Enrique Iglesias, perhaps he can give her some lessons.
Ok so we did a whole thing a while back about how 'Born This Way' is kind of crap and is essentially a poor rip off of Madonna's 'Express Yourself.' And all that still applies - to the "original version." But this brand new recording of the track, the 'Country Road Version,' goes a long way in showing the song's merits on its own. It's clearly got a melody and also some lyrics, and that's really all you need, right?
No, it's still not the EPIC GAGA JAM that we were hoping for, and yeah, Kylie already did the country version thing for all of 'Aphrodite' with her "Dolly Parton Test," but at least Miss G still has some almost-inspired tricks up her sleeve.
Despite announcing that there will be no more singles from her hit album 'Aphrodite' (sad face), K-Mo has decided to chuck out a rather spectacular remix of fan-favorite 'Put Your Hands Up' (amazing). It was mixed by Pete Hammond, the knob-twiddler behind some of Miss M's VERY GOOD REMIXES back in the late 80's and 90's.
Accordingly, the new version is all RETRO and KITSCHY, and as such is also AMAZING. Kylie's also been kind enough to give us all a "lyrics video" for the song (just in time for our birthday!!), which is essentially the video backdrop for her current tour performance of the jam but is still miles better than most music videos today. Yes. We're looking at you, 'S&M.'
No word on a release date yet, but given K-Mo's recent rants about her record company ruining her chart placings through their refusal to join the "on-air, on-sale" wave, it better be pretty damn soon.
So we, unfortunately, did not score tickets to Janet's all-conquering (read: not at all conquering) tour. However, one of our friends did, and he was super excited to tell us about it this morning. His name is Tim D. and this is how our conversation went:
SS: Hello Tim.
TD: Hello Scopitone Saturday.
SS: You went to Janet and we'd like to ask you a few questions about it. First and most importantly, is she fat?
TD: No.
SS: Would it have been better if she was fat?
TD: No.
SS: Good. So it was "sexy Janet." Please go on.
TD: My date liked her "short lesbian haircut."
SS: Well in the interest of not offending anyone we will try to remember to change "short lesbian haircut" to something more culturally sensitive in the final article. But for now let's talk more about the concert. Did she dance a lot?
TD: Yes.
SS: Were her dancers hot?
TD: I don't know. I only remember her dancing with a couple of girls up on stage.
SS: That explains the lesbian haircut.
TD: Yes. She did dance with guys though. I just don't really remember that part.
SS: Were you high?
TD: No but I was very drunk and I think my date was too.
SS: You seem to be bringing up your date a lot. Did it not go well?
TD: Not particularly, no.
SS: I'm sorry to hear that. Do you think he was using you for the tickets?
TD: Not until you said that, no.
SS: Well did you at least get some action?
TD: No. But I think he has a developmental disorder of some kind so I'm ok with it.
SS: Well that's probably a good way to think about things. It's easier to cope with rejection when you vilify the person.
TD: That's very true. You are very insightful.
SS: Thank you. So now some final thoughts about the concert: First, what was the best song?
TD: 'What Have You Done For Me Lately' because it's what I was thinking about my date.
SS: And the worst song?
TD: 'Black Cat' because she didn't sing it and my date talked about it for 2 hours.
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