Aqua asks 'How R U Doin?' in their brand new track - listen to the premiere now!

"oh my god you guys this look is totally timeless"

Aqua, the 90's dance band that weren't the Vengaboys, were totally the jam for about 4 and a half minutes back in the day.  Everyone of course remembers their bona fide classic 'Barbie Girl,' but people seem to forget that the band have sold THIRTY THREE MILLION ALBUMS and are the most successful Danish act of all time.  (It's true - Google it.  And then pray for humanity.)

We're not going to tell you we didn't spend our late teens with their debut album on repeat, but we also can't pretend their output after about 1998 was anything but ABSOLUTE SHIT.  So, it's with some trepidation that we have watched as their "big comeback" has unfolded.

After a decade away from the spotlight, Aqua's uphill struggle to reclaim some sliver of relevance began with their holiday track, which was called 'Spin Me A Christmas' for no reason and was the musical equivalent to getting dog vomit stuck in your shoe.  It hardly made a blip on our radar, and if anything it just reinforced our view that the group had long surpassed their expiration date.

But now we have our first glimpse of the band's new non-novelty work, in the form of their comeback single 'How R U Doin?' and um....it's not horrible.  It's kind of a Euro Ke$ha thing.  Like Britney, but if she was a Russian hooker whose "go-to" outfit was made of purple vinyl.  So like Britney full stop, really.

Anyway, here it is in all its not-terrible glory.  It's nothing life changing, but Aqua have always been known for their videos, so with the right clip this might actually pull off the impossible and make them a bankable act one more time.  Dig out your JNCO Jeans and your glowsticks, cause it's about to get all 90's ECSTACY WAREHOUSE PARTY up in here.

EDIT:  the video below is probably already gone because UMG Music apparently doesn't want anyone to actually hear what their artists are doing.  So listen to the track HERE.  It's actually worth it.

Sign of the Apocalypse #10 - this Kazaky video is an ACTUAL THING

Pray.

Okay so a bunch of guys with sick bodies and lisps decided to become a boyband in the Ukraine and release a song whose lyrics consist of about 3 words all relating to SEX or FASHION or FASHIONABLE SEX. 

The result is a hyper-gay version of Beyonce's 'Single Ladies' clip but with an absolutely shit song playing over it, and, presumably, some VERY DISAPPOINTED FATHERS. To be fair, the guys are probably not too unattractive underneath all that makeup, and the song would be a decent dance tune without the stream-of-consciousness style horniness the boys keep spewing over the beats for no reason.  But at the end of the day the whole thing is a bit horrifying in an 'A-List does music' kind of way, and also AMAZING in that same exact fashion.

In the interest of journalistic integrity, we did some research by Googling "KASAKY WIKIPEDIA" and found that the band consist of "Artur Archibaz (Артур Арчибаз), Kyryll Fedorenko (Кирилл Федоренко), Stas Pavlov (Стас Павлов) and Oleh Zhezhel (Олег Жежель), who also choreographed the video."

So...there's that then.

Get a track off Good Goose's upcoming mixtape for FREE - download 'Might Like You Better' now

"did you remember to set the alarm on the coffee maker?"

Good Goose is part of a band called Menya, quite unobjectionable to look at, and a "disc jockey" at "the clubs."  He is also very good, as his name would suggest - but is somewhat unfortunately not an ACTUAL GOOSE.  (sad face emoticon)  Good is quite the busy guy these days, but has recently taken some time out for himself.

After touring with Menya for the last few months, Mr. Goose has decided to give the world a taste of his DJ skills with his very first mixtape.  It is called 'Lyin With The Flesh Flyin' With The Goose' (amazing) and is a collection of downtown-dirty dancefloor bangers with sparse lyrics and clever knob-twiddling.  The 11 tracks are all BANGING and SHOUTING and GROANING and BEING GENERALLY DEBAUCHEROUS IN THE MEDIUM OF RECORDED SOUND and are also, on the whole, QUITE ABOVE AVERAGE. 

While his band Menya serve up hooky pop gems with a sunny/skanky flair, Goose has taken the party night clock and fast-forwarded it to that point just after 3am when you realize you're in a terrifyingly humid BoHo basement with some shirtless twinks and a couple of trannies, wearing someone else's underwear and all out of poppers.  In other words, none of these underground electro nuggets is ever going to end up on KISS FM, but we have a feeling Mr. Goose quite prefers it that way.

The whole mixtape will be available tomorrow, March 8, but the Good man himself has given ScopiSat and our loyal readers a special exclusive sneak peek.  Take 'Might Like You Better' for a spin, download it, wear it out, and don't forget to come back tomorrow and grab the album HERE for absolutely free. 

  Good Goose - 03 - Might Like You Better (On Druggs!!!) by Scopitone Saturday

J.Lo and Pitbull get 'On The Floor' in their new video - watch now!

s'alright

We totally missed this one - apparently J.Ho's video for her new single 'On The Floor' debuted the other day, in all its Eurotrash glory, and with absolutely no fanfare.  

The clip really isn't anything to write home about, and we're not in love with the song but it's given J her first U.S. top ten in like, a decade or something, so we can't bitch too much about it.  Sure, the video looks like it was cobbled together from outtakes of a Cascada clip, and yeah Jenny looks like she's not only from the block, but also works THE CORNER OF IT, but really we couldn't have expected anything different and there certainly is something comforting about consistency.   




"meh."

Sky Ferreira has great 'Sex' - listen to the premiere now!

This is my hipster bathtub

Sky Ferreira gives us some BIG-ASS MUSICAL WOOD, if you haven't picked up on that by now.  If anyone should be the NEXT BIG THING it should be this little pop strumpet, who rocks the street cred Madonna had back in the early 80's and the looks Gaga would kill for.  Sky's got that uber-hip Meatpacking district look going on, has some serious musical chops, and is pretty much Mary-Kate Olson but, you know, with talent.

Her new track - currently offending the obese heart of America in a series of CK ads - is an 80's retrofest of the best kind, with synths and drum breaks galore.  Sky's output has been a little scattered so far, as her handlers try to decide what direction to take the starlet in, and she's been testing the waters with a variety of very different sounding buzz tracks.  Though she hasn't managed any real chart success yet, her electro masterpiece 'One' (her UK debut) bowled over the critics, while her more mainstream fare (her American releases) have met with a resounding "meh" from pretty much everyone.  So hopefully the upcoming official release of 'Sex Rules' signals a definitive turn toward the 80's electro sound, since no one is particularly interested in having another Ke$ha foisting pestilence upon the world. 

The track doesn't come anywhere near the brilliance of 'One,' but is a nice enough tune with a summery vibe, and should act as a great soundtrack to the return of warmer weather. Now if she could just get that damn album out without it being delayed...again.

Gaga's 'Born This Way' video premieres and it is.......ugh, just watch it

She was born this way.  With a makeup artist, airbrushing and a giant wind machine.

This whole Lady Gaga thing has swiftly turned a corner and become a sort of epic shitshow of self indulgence and art-school narcissism.  It sorta began with the 'Alejandro' video, which received some pretty scathing reviews from just about everyone, and, apparently, Gaga took those criticisms and said 'screw you all, I'll do the same thing just weirder and with less of a point and an actual birthing scene for no reason.'

Sure there are some good bits.  But there are far more bad bits.  Also, we do not need to see ANYONE being ACTUALLY BORN, thank you very much, regardless of....well, regardless of anything, really.  

To be fair to the woman, you certainly can't look away from this clip - but it's kind of the music video equivalent of last night's Oscars ceremony.  It's trying desperately to be young and hip, but really just ends up being self-congratulatory, expected, and a little cringey to watch.

Womp womp.

Ke$ha makes one of her best videos for what is easily her worst song - watch 'Blow' now

"Thanks for hiring me but just a heads up, you smell real bad."

What the hell, Ke$ha.

Everyone knows you are a trashy whore with a debilitating fear of bathing facilities, but despite the fact your disease-riddled weave looks like it was dyed with a combo of Clorox and toilet water we've always had your back because your music is undeniably catchy.

UNTIL NOW. 

'Blow' is a ridiculous mess of a song and your odd vocal affectations are doing it ABSOLUTELY NO FAVORS WHATSOEVER.  Furthermore, how it possibly took an army of songwriters and producers to chuck out this garbage is beyond us because a small band of infant gorillas could have crafted a better tune in less time and with less of an entitlement complex about it.  But, once again, we find ourselves crapping all over one aspect of your creative output while being brutally forced to praise another.  Pure crappiness of the song aside, your video for the track is actually kind of cool, albeit in a low-budget schlockfest kind of way, and with the sound down it's very nearly enjoyable to watch. 

The vid is all UNICORNS and LIGHTS and "KE$HA SEXY POSE" and also Jason Van Der Beek for some reason - and even though it has a definite "fifth single from the album" vibe to it, the video is likely the only thing that may save your 'Blow' single campaign from outright disaster.  We know you've become accustomed to life in the upper reaches of the charts as of late, but  come on, let's be honest - even if this garbage was by the Glee cast featuring Justin Bieber, it would still be a push to scrape the top 40.

It's pretty obvious Team Ke$ha are just treading water until your mess of a remix album comes out, so at this point everyone should really just cross their fingers, hold their noses, and pray this song tanks quickly. 


Ke$ha, honey, we're not mad.  We're just disappointed.  

It's Scopitone Saturday! Donna Theodore has 'Femininity' in this week's selection

Once again it is time to suckle at the teat of 60's genius, as your Saturday Scopitone returns with a doozy.

Donna Theodore was a staple of shows like Johnny Carson and something called B.J. and The Bear which was not, we were disappointed to find, a gay porn.  She was one of those singer/actress things that were ALL THE RAGE back in the day, long before autotune and airbrushing allowed fat southern girls with no talent to be famous. 

Donna's most famous song was 'Femininity,' which chronicled the hatred and discrimination she faced because she was SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL.  She really was a looker, and was quite the fruitfly as well, apparently, since in this clip she spends all her time surrounded by gay guys in pastels.