So apparently 2012 is not only the year in which the world ends, but is also the year in which England once again launches a pop invasion of the US. With Cher Lloyd already gunning for the American charts with 'Want U Back,' fellow teen popstars The Wanted have just upped the ante by performing their UK #1 single 'Glad You Came' on Ellen.
The group have already been trapsing around to radio stations and playing club gigs in seedy eurotrash gay bars, but with a radio re-release of the track slated for January 24, it appears the boys are going big or going home to jolly old England.
The performance itself is pretty by the numbers, with some awkward standing around and then some QUITE THRILLING (read: not thrilling at all) running around in the audience. But it is notable for being pretty damn on-point vocally, and even for the world's top pop acts that's a big feat these days. If anyone had doubts these kids have some serious vocal chops this video will go a ways toward silencing them. But that doesn't mean their infectious brand of UK cheese will make any impact in the charts.
As we've seen lately with everyone from Kylie to Leona Lewis, US success has less to do with quality than it does with quantity and relentlessness of promotion. Despite a balls-to-the-wall fierce America's Got Talent performance, K-Mo's singles off her latest album floundered outside the dance charts, and with no in-person promotion to speak of, Leona's 'Collide' barely made an impact. A lot of this is just because the US is so damn big that a few tv and radio spots can't possibly cover the number of people required to have an actual hit, but it's also because the charts have become so homogenized of late that unless you're Katy Perry, Britney or LMFAO, no one is going to play your song anyway.
Sure, the UK gave us Adele, but let's not forget that she also was on most every awards show there was in 2011. Her whole album was lightning in a bottle, but more importantly, she had the touring and promo schedule to back it up. The question for The Wanted is whether they are willing and able to do the same, and are ready to sacrifice the time and effort it takes to make it Stateside.
We're guessing they are - if only just so they can have ultimate bragging rights over JLS.
'Glad You Came' is out to download now in the US, and will be rereleased to mainstream radio on January 24.
What do you mean I wasn't supposed to put on ALL the makeup?
If you live in the UK you've probably already made your mind up as to whether you love or hate Cher Lloyd. If you live anywhere else, you probably have very little idea who she is, which is exactly why Cher's handlers have gone ahead and chucked an American rapper on her new track for literally no reason at all.
The dude's name is Astro and he came in like 11th on US X Factor or something, but no one cares so that's all we will say about that. What people SHOULD care about is the video, which is KIND OF TREMENDOUS.
Cher's strong suit has always been her personality - she doesn't just sing words, she injects them with her own unique weight and meaning - and it's on full display in this clip. It's basically her spunkily stalking her old (very hot) boyfriend and his new girl, jumping into their pictures and videos and dumping stuff on them.
For anyone who's been through a painful breakup recently it could be a meaningful and cathartic experience, but for the rest of us it's just QUITE A LOT OF FUN.
Also she looks amazing. So good for you, Cher. Now stop letting them put rent-a-rappers on your tracks. Thanks.
Goldfrapp is an amazing band that everyone thinks of as an EPIC DANCE GROUP but is really an EPIC ELECTRO-CHILL GROUP. Much of this confusion comes from the fact that nearly every chart hit the band has had has been a poppers-o-clock thumpfest, but has also not really been representative of their overall sound. Like, at all.
Sure, they did one largely-clubby album, but other than that their output has always consisted of mostly low-key melodic e-folk. Which is fine. We don't judge. ("hahaha, that's a joke" etc.)
Anyway, their slower, more pensive tracks are arguably their best ('Black Cherry' and 'A&E,' anyone?), but we have to admit that every so often we still long for the stomping, faux-flapper discobitch that gave us 'Ooh La La' and 'Strict Machine.'
Every time we get our hopes up,though, they let us down - albeit in literally the BEST WAY POSSIBLE. Everything inside us calls out to them to give us a donkfest club stomper, but instead we are given gorgeous, glittering, pitch-perfect downbeat pop that puts most every other group to shame. And their new single is no exception. It's ethereal, melodic, and a wholly immersive experience that pretty much no other band is doing and certainly no other could pull off, which might be exactly why the group insist on giving us these tracks instead of going along with the current dance music trend.
Long story short, 'Melancholy Sky' may not be the banger we were hoping for, but if disappointment sounds this good, we'll take it.
These three things all happened in 2011, but only one was good enough to end up on our list
It's New Years Eve and in a few short hours no one will care about 2011 anymore, and instead will be looking ahead to the gloriousness/apocalypse that is sure to come in 2012. So we'll save you the big into and instead get right to the good stuff.
Here are the best singles from 2011:
11. Nicola Roberts - Lucky Day
Before everything went off the rails for Nicola, her handlers picked this Dragonette-penned gem for her second single. Her first release, 'Beat Of My Drum' stalled at #27 on the UK charts, but everyone was all "oh this could be a total fluke for no logical reason other than that we want to believe it is" and figured 'Lucky' could be just the kind of midtempo corker to turn everything around. But, while it was easy on the ears and had a simple-but-cute New York City-filmed video in tow, 'Day' ended up being just like everything else Nicola Roberts does - critically loved and commercially ignored. Chart peak: UK - #37
10. Kylie - Put Your Hands Up (Pete Hammond Remix)
K-Mo's 2011 was largely spent on the road, thrilling European and Australian audiences with a concert tour featuring water jets, a "splash zone" in which fans got wet (from the water, not excitement...hopefully), and an entire ancient Greek temple on stage. It was universally lauded as a triumph, and set the benchmark for "those other" divas, namely Madge and one Miss Gaga. The Daily Telegraph even noted that "when it comes to the classier brand of arena kitsch, she, not Lady Gaga, remains supreme authority." But K-Mo didn't stop there. In 2011 Kylie traveled to the U.S. for her second-ever North American tour, and put out single 'Put Your Hands Up' as a kind of promo track for her trek. And her fans lapped it up - the song became her fifth number one on the dance chart in a row in America and for good reason - because it is brilliant. Chart peak: US Dance - #1
9. Hyuna - Bubble Pop
Hyuna is a Korean pop star who has been no stranger to success. As a member of the girlgroup Wonder Girls and then as one of different girlgroup 4Minute, she racked up a sizeable number of hits. But it was when she finally went solo that she really came into her booty-shaking own. Like a tiny Korean Beyonce she shimmied and shook her ass off and it paid off in spades. Her video for the genius 'Bubble Pop' was key in the wave of K- and J- pop awareness sweeping the English-speaking world, and the song ruled any half-decent Fire Island iPod dock for the entire summer. We're also assuming it sparked a run on "BOY" t-shirts, but we don't have the figures for that handy. Chart peak: Korea - #4
8. One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful
So there's this whole "boyband resurgence" thing happening (particularly in the UK) which means quite a few four-and-fivesomes of hot young gentlemen have been thrown at us over the last 12 months. The Wanted and JLS each solidified their status as the premiere Euro boybands, and set their sights on America - The Wanted even look like they might make it, as their track 'Glad You Came' is gaining steam in the US. But it was the adorably earnest barely-legal boys from One Direction who stole the show with their unpretentious brand of pop perfection. While JLS and The Wanted tried to prove they were SUPER-LEGIT ARTISTES, the third-place runners up of UK X-Factor decided to cut an album and just have fun with it. 'What Makes You Beautiful' was one of the biggest surprises of the year, with its catchy chorus and its almost rebellious refusal to play into the autotune donkfest that pop has become. And we are all better for having heard it. Chart peak: UK - #1, AUS - #8
7. Wynter Gordon - Buy My Love
There's something about this track that transcends the sort of C-list status Wynter Gordon holds in the pop world. She first guested on Flo Rida's 'Sugar' and scored a top 5 hit in the States, but then kind of trailed off into "come see me at Splash nightclub tonight at 1am" mediocrity pretty quickly. Sure, the gays love her, but they're not a hard group to crack if you have access to glitter and cheap amphetamines. So when 'Buy My Love' made its debut late in the summer, we were a little blown away. The song's kitschy without being sappy, ironic enough for the hipsters but not in an annoying way, and comes with a rather inspired video. Which, of course, means it was totally ignored by just about everyone. Because that's how these things work. Sadface, etc. Chart peak: AUS - #77, US Dance - #7
6. Adele - Rolling In The Deep
There's not much we need to say about this track. Its worldwide dominance is undisputed. Its singer's genius is unchallenged. The subtle and quietly intense video is pitch-perfect. And no matter how many times we hear it, 'Rolling' was and will remain, A JAM. Chart peak: US - #1, UK - #2, AUS - #3
5. Maroon 5 feat. Christina Aguilera - Moves Like Jagger
Ok so if 'Rolling In The Deep' is one song we don't need to justify making this list, 'Moves Like Jagger' might just be the flip side. It's gimmicky (the whistle, the presence of Xtina for LITERALLY NO REASON), it's pandering, and the video is weird for several reasons, not the least of which being that they actually stretched the footage of Miss Aguilera so she wouldn't look like she ate a dumptruck on the way to the shoot. But no one can deny that the song was EVERYWHERE this year, and despite that, we somehow didn't get sick of it. If anything, we warmed to it a bit more with each listen. And that's the mark of a real hit, ScopiSubjects. When this track originally debuted we said no one would remember it in a year. We've never been more delighted to be proven wrong. Chart peak: US - #1, UK - #2, AUS - #2
4. Lady Gaga - Edge Of Glory
We're over Gaga. A lot of people are over Gaga. Yes she's brilliant and genius and blah blah, but she's also the reason every gayborhood was full of guys in ridiculous jean cutoffs and black military boots this summer. She's always essentially been Madonna's shoutier, bitchier, crazier little sister, but 2011 was the year when she all of a sudden decided that everything she does is SUPER IMPORTANT (it's not) and that being a pop star comes with some sort of great responsibility to be douchy and heavy handed (it doesn't). But 2011 is also the year that, in between spastic bouts of insanity and preachiness, she also gave us some great music. 'Edge Of Glory' is a glittering firework of a song that couldn't even be killed by its shambolic music video (notice we put up a RATHER TREMENDOUS live performance below instead), and for a few precious short-lived months, it gave us back the fun, poppy Gaga we fell in love with so long ago. Chart peak: US - #3, UK - #6
3. Will Young - Jealousy
2011 was the year that Will Young reminded everyone why he is amazing. The "Kelly Clarkson of the UK" (he won the first ever Pop Idol tv show, even before American Idol existed...so really Kelly is the US Will Young but whatever) has really been going pretty strong since his first single back in 2002, but to be quite honest it could have gone either way for him after his greatest hits package. His first few singles were guaranteed success thanks to winning Idol, and then the flurry of press coverage when he came out cemented his status as a bona-fide media darling. Right about that time he proved he had the songwriting and vocal chops to be the real deal, and then...well, he just got kinda quiet for a while after releasing his retrospective. Diminishing chart returns on each of his tracks meant 'Jealousy' was released at a time when Young hadn't even appeared in the top 20 of the singles countdown in 3 years (though, to be fair, his albums consistently have been top 10 smashes). As the lead single of Will's fifth studio record, hopes were high. But they were all exceeded when this glittering synth gem gave us all a taste of Young's new, electro-chill direction. The Guardian said it best when it described the track as "stately." 'Jealousy' is a respectable, honorable, mature earworm of a song. And it's got some killer remixes to boot. Chart peak: UK - #5
2. Selena Gomez and the Scene - Love You Like A Love Song
This song is tremendous. We really can't overstate that enough. Had it been given a slightly better production treatment and a bit more promotion (though not through live performances - seriously, it's terrible live, google it) it could have been huge. Like, Kylie's 'Can't Get You Out Of My Head' huge. But instead, whoever was in charge of the whole Selena Gomez thing gave the song to a producer, thought "eh, that's good enough" and chucked it out as a single, and instead of a world-conquering stomper, we got a mid-level hit that sounds a bit like a demo recording that would leak on the internet ahead of a huge superstar's release but is still knock-down, drag-out PHENOMENAL. So even though it's riding high on our list of tracks of the year, we still can't help but feel this was a bit of a missed opportunity. And Miss Gomez, we're still waiting for the remixes. Thanks. Chart peak: RUS - #1, CAN - #10, US - #26
1. Cher Lloyd - Want U Back
So there are a couple things that could get us into trouble with this pick. First, it's Cher Lloyd. A ton of people hate her. A ton of people love her too, but they're usually pretty quiet about it and just download her tracks in the dark at night from a Starbucks nowhere near their house out of fear someone they know could see them. But generally we are comfortable saying that Cher Lloyd is a....divisive figure. The second issue is that this track isn't OFFICIALLY out as a single yet. Its release date is pegged for February 12, 2012 and it's only just recently gone out to radio stations. But, thanks to THE WORLD WE NOW LIVE IN, it's available as a single download from its parent album, so we are including it in this list. Because it is amazing. And also since it's like, 8 hours until 2012 and we feel kind of bad our list is coming out so late and giving a tip for what is going to be huge in the new year makes us feel a bit more relevant and on point. But mostly because it's amazing. It's fresh, it's got personality, and it is, most importantly, unique. It sounds nothing like the autotuned Katy Perry/Ke$ha/Britney dreck that is constantly on the radio and which makes every day sound like one long thumping headache of a song, and for that, Cher, we thank you. Chart peak: TBR
Happy 2012, ScopiSubjects, and see you on the other side.
We get that Jessie J is a BONA FIDE TALENT or whatever but that doesn't mean she can't still piss us off. We're not sure why either. Are we annoyed that she always looks like a tranny in that awful bob? Or that she over-emotes to the point that we want to cut her face off?
It could be both.
Which is unfortunate, because each of those things is on FULL DISPLAY in her new video for the admittedly very very good 'Domino.' It's a jam and it has a beat and you can dance to it but to be fair it could have been sung by literally anyone and still be just as good, if not better.
Anyway, the video finds JJ mugging for the camera in some glittery catsuits and some 90's gear, and it's all jazzed up by some "inventive edits" in order to disguise the fact that the whole thing was done "on the cheap." And here it is.
Rihanna just wrapped up her GIANT ALL-CONQUERING TOUR in London, but apparently she was quite busy even while that was going on, shooting videos and collapsing from exhaustion and the like. Luckily the 'You Da One' video, which just premiered, doesn't find her actually doing that much, so hopefully it didn't contribute to her fatigue too much.
Unfortunately the fact it doesn't find her doing much means it's a pretty boring watch, unless you're a fan of dodgy wigs (which we understand many of our readers are). To be honest we've never been a huge fan of Rihanna's midtempo "jAmZ," as we're not sure she has the voice for such things and they always trend to the boring side of "good," but as generic pop songs go we're not going to complain about 'You' and instead will just say it's highly unlikely to unseat her current #1 track 'We Found Love' from the peak of the charts.
Speaking of 'We Found Love,' congrats, RiRi, on your longest running chart-topper ever. Maybe you can celebrate by donning a tacky blond weave and running around in black-and-white for a few minutes.
First off we would like to apologize for our SHOCKING LACK OF POSTS over the last few days. We've been doing several things, including organizing our "BEST OF 2011" list and also drinking quite a lot. But lo, ScopiSubjects, our silence is broken! For the large-lipped Lana Del Rey has foisted another video into our pop pubis and it absolutely demands to be snarked about.
Initially we were kind of interested in Lana, in a "she totally gets that she's that cat lady with all the plastic surgery and it's fun and self-knowing and winkingly ironic" way, but then it turned out that actually she had no idea she was a walking fauxhemian joke and pretended to be all REAL and AUTHENTIC while attempting miserably to speak out of her labia-with-an-allergic-reaction mouth.
It wasn't that we were no longer interested at all, however, as most pop stars these days seem to have a healthy amount of selective memory and social blindness when it comes to their own ridiculousness. But then she did that awful video teaser thing where she was naked and cuddling with a homeless and called it the OFFICIAL VIDEO but then also stuck a thing at the bottom of the OFFICIAL VIDEO saying "OFFICIAL VIDEO COMING SOON."
And THAT is when we completely lost interest.
Anyway here's her new video and it's actually not half bad but for us it is TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE and we're afraid that to us Lana Del Rey will always be that vagina-lipped girl who hugs smelly hipsters for cash.
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