Lady Gaga continues her 'Marry The Night' campaign on UK X Factor - watch now

Oh.

So the other night Lady Gaga visited the UK X Factor in her ongoing blitz to ensure that 'Marry The Night' becomes a hit even though everyone got over it a few months ago.  And while the performance was "interesting" in that way that Gaga's performances are always interesting, it also wasn't anything special. 

Miss G spent the first few minutes of the track sitting in a confessional box underneath a big cross because OF COURSE, and then burst out of it to reveal herself as an oddly-proportioned headless woman who sings.  So, par for the course for team Gaga then.  The thing that really troubles us though is that, practically speaking, the whole thing shouldn't work because HOW CAN A HEAD SING IF IT IS NOT ATTACHED TO LUNGS?

We demand answers and fully intend to "Occupy Gaga" until this is resolved.

Anyway, it was good and well done and Gaga was in fine voice as (almost) always but we can't help feeling like this would have worked a bit better 2 weeks ago around Halloween. 

The Wanted's new video for 'Warzone' begs some VERY SERIOUS QUESTIONS - watch the premiere now!

Yeah.  It's that big.

Oh, The Wanted.  They're all set to "break America" (which for them likely means playing a few gay clubs in major cities and getting their tops off, all while talking about how absolutely straight they are) and are still riding quite nicely atop the UK charts.  They're all relatively good looking except for one of them (you know who you are), none have had a public mental breakdown (yet....fingers crossed on that one) and we're sure that when they go home at night they probably smile to themselves and think "I AM THE WANTED" and then poke needles into JLS figurines.  AS MANY OF US DO.

With everything going so swimmingly for the boys, their handlers are quite wisely keen to keep the momentum going.  And they're doing just that by slave-driving the gents to chuck out music videos at near-Rihanna-esque pace.  "Lightning" came out like, a few hours ago or something, and already we have a new one because blah blah youth attention span blah blah on-air/on-sale blah.  This time it's called "Warzone" and it features the boys in some sort of garbage dump or something for some reason and also a lot of fire.  Additionally there is a song that plays while all the "imagery" is happening, but to be honest it might be better if you turn the clip pretty far down because it is NOT THEIR BEST WORK although it's not terrible in a "at least it doesn't feature Nicki Minaj" kind of way.

Furthermore, as deep and meaningful as it is all probably supposed to be, rather than finding answers and emotional validation in the video, we find ourselves instead FILLED WITH BURNING QUESTIONS and, quite frankly, demanding some answers which The Wanted's people are welcome to provide in the comments section of this post.

Questions like:

1.  While we can all agree that the opening 2 seconds is amazing, why was it artistically necessary to feature a LITERAL FIREBOMB erupting from Max's ass?
2.  Why the hell was this filmed in New York City?  There is not one single aspect of this clip that identifies it as having been shot there, or would have required any sort of "on location" filming.  In fact, it could have been easily filmed on some dodgy soundstage in Wales for all we know, except that QUITE A BIG DEAL was made of it being filmed IN NEW YORK CITY.  This certainly begs the question whether illegal downloads are truly "killing the industry" or if the people who plan this sort of thing are doing a very nice job of it on their own because this whole endeavor was clearly a colossal waste of coin.
3.  Who the f is Director X?  Is he (or she) some sort of supervillain?  If so, this could do quite a bit to explain question #1 above.  If not, you have a stupid name, sir or madam, and we would very much like it if you could refrain from plastering it all over your clips in the future.
4.  Why is 'Warzone' a single? :(

Here is the new Madonna song 'Give Me All Your Love' and it is AMAZING

If you don't say I'm normal looking I will have you killed.

We often find ourselves wishing that Madge-Mantis would return to the fun, happy days of the 80's, way before she started taking her self seriously and speaking with a really bad British accent.  And it looks like she's done just that for her big post-'Hard Candy' comeback.  Sure it's got a little rocky twist (kinda Kelly Clarkson, but with worse singing, obvs) but it's undeniably a return to form for the Queen of Pop.  If these previews are anything to go by, one Miss Gaga better watch her ridiculously dressed ass...

Here are some observations about 'Give Me All Your Love':
1.  Amazing
2.  Amazing
3.  Amazing
4. Amazing

Those were some observations about 'Give Me All Your Love.'

And here is 'Give Me All Your Love':

Madonna - Give Me All Your Love (2011)

"Amazing."

Rihanna's new track with Drake is pretty great - listen to 'Take Care' now!

He's kind of like Carrie, but his pyrotechnic rage is brought on by ASS

To be completely fair, before today we couldn't have really cared less about Drake.  Like, there was no possible way that we could have had less of an opinion about him either in terms of his musical output or as an actual person.  He had some tracks and was kind of famous, apparently, but most notably (for us, anyway) he featured on Rihanna's 'What's My Name.'  Well now we have to rethink everything, because the Barbadian minx has returned the favor, guesting on Drake's new track called 'Take Care.'  And IT IS KIND OF REALLY GOOD.  

These days it seems every track is vying to be more autotuned and more slick and more "thumpin beats, brah" than the last, and that is doubly true in the world of "urban pop" which is a genre that doesn't really exist officially but is essentially everything that you hear on the radio that isn't Adele.  HOWEVER, Drake has decided - rather wisely - to take things in a completely different direction, and chuck out an organic sounding, almost disco-y, understated affair.

But never fear, those of you who demand a donk and discowhistle (i.e. everyone who reads this website), word has it that some RATHER BANGING club mixes are in the works, and even on first listen it's not hard to imagine how this groovy little number can go from "sultry evening wrapped up in 300-count JC Penney sheets" to "POPPERS O'CLOCK ON TOP OF A BOX SPEAKER IN A DOWNTOWN WAREHOUSE" in pretty short order. 

So, welcome to our radar, Drake.  Also, if you could make a baby with Rihanna that'd be great for us.  Because HOW CUTE?!




"Delightful."

Let's all watch Florence (and her Machine) sing her new single on X Factor UK

I am a triangle with a head.

So last night Florence Welch, of Florence And The Machine, had what people generally call a VERY GOOD EVENING.  First came word that her new album 'Ceremonials' had mounted the summit of the UK album charts, like a hooker mounting a (Ed.: STOP IT RIGHT NOW) and then the ginger genius took the stage to perform her single 'Shake It Out' on the biggest show in the British Isles.  

In typically understated fashion (sarcasm!) Flo-Wo begins all demure and quiet, and then the camera pans out and a huge dress train carried by her minions starts flapping about while a church choir sings, because OF COURSE.  

Really the best part of the whole thing is Florence, though, and her undeniable vocal prowess.  None of her songs are particularly easy to sing, but she consistently pulls them off with a flair that most pop strumpets would kill for.  Sure, she doesn't dance around, and she's not going to glitter bomb the audience or nip-slip her way into a tabloid, but as grown-up, down-to-earth female chart acts go, she's certainly one of the best. 

Though, if we're entirely honest, if one of these days Flo wants to strip down and vogue a bit to a discowhistle donkfest, we would not object in the least.  But until then, here's 'Shake It Out':

"Well done."

Jailbait Boyband Ahoy - here's the One Direction album sampler!

Not an American Eagle ad.

So One Direction came in third place in the UK X Factor, but by all accounts have done QUITE WELL since then.  They signed a £2 million record contract with SyCo Music, chucked out a number 1 single, and are gearing up to foist their debut album on the world.

And here's the thing - it's not crap.  Well, it's kind of crap.  But it's good, wholesome, radio-friendly crap, featuring songs written by Ed Sheeran and THE ACTUAL KELLY CLARKSON.  There are some definite jams on the record, as you can hear below, and if you can get past the fact that it's a bunch of kids who can't even get served in a pub jumping around talking about how amazing real love is, then you're a) better at ignoring logical inconsistencies than we are, and b) probably going to enjoy this record very much. 

The label certainly has a lot of faith in the band (KELLY CLARKSON!) and as evidence of that, the band - before they've released a single album - have already announced a headlining tour of the UK and Ireland.  Sure, it'll probably be in the back lot of an Asda, but come on.  How many headlining tours have YOU embarked on?

(KELLY CLARKSON!!)

Foster The People 'Call It What You Want' in new video - watch the premiere now!

Come with me, away to a place where three hot men stand in a picture and have kind of a rapey vibe

Foster the People are awesome and everyone knows it, which is probably why they have been doing QUITE WELL in "the business" lately.  This is apparent from the band's presence at the top of charts all over the place and their high profile appearances on shows like SNL, but perhaps most obvious from the fact that their new video clip has a VERY BIG BUDGET.

It's all shiny and pretty and well-lit, and is also interesting and playful and fun to watch.  In short, it is a very good music video.

Here are some things about it:

1.  There are four giant golden fists in it which, much to our dismay, were not used for actual fisting at any point during the clip.
2.  The band hangs around a super nice house and destroys parts of it, which probably means that they won't be invited back so don't be holding your breath for a sequel video
3.  The clip features all sorts of nonsensical still-lifes, like a band member sitting on a couch holding an umbrella even though he is inside (whimsical!), and one of the band with his head in a fishbowl while the fish flops around desperately on the ground (MURDER!)
4.  There is some text at the bottom of the screen sometimes but you don't need to concern yourself with that because it doesn't really advance the "plot" of the video very much at all so if you are at work or something and you have to watch the clip in a tiny window and keep minimizing it because you think you hear your boss shuffling down the hallway in that way she does because she insists on not doing up her shoes because she's always trying to prove how "laid back" she is and how she's just "one of you guys, dudes", then don't worry because you won't be missing much.  But it's still a fun read if you have a few minutes
5.  Several (all) of the band are VERY HOT.
6.  Altogether the video is, as we said before, what we call "a very good video" and is just the kind of video a very good band should be making at this stage in their career.  So...well done everyone.

Foster the People

Little Boots is back - hear 'Shake It Til Your Heart Breaks' now, and get a FREE MIXTAPE DOWNLOAD

Behind these eyes is a tiny amazing song factory filled with a round-the-clock workforce of pop goblins.

Maybe the most shocking thing about Little Boots is that to our knowledge no one in any interview ever has asked her just how big her boots actually are.  That's a troubling fact, to be sure, but is likely because every interviewer has found themselves utterly overcome with her output of VERY GOOD POP MUSIC.

And can we blame them?  After all, this is the woman who gave us 'New In Town,' with its urban-jazz hands video clip, and the post-Gaga RedOne brilliance that was 'Remedy.'  In fact, screw it, this is the woman who gave us the entire 'Hands' album which is literally amazing in parts and a bit crap in others but averages out to a SOLID B+ which is pretty much the best a pop album can get these days unless you're Kylie.

And now Ms. Boots is back with her follow-up LP, or at least the lead buzz single from it.  The track is called 'Shake Until Your Heart Breaks,' is already the frontrunner for "most brilliant song title of the year," and is amazing.  It sees the artist go in a harder, clubbier direction than her past output, with pretty spectacular results.  And thanks to the magic of the interwebs, you can hear it here right now:

Little Boots - Shake Till Your Heart Breaks by mdrezk

Amazing.

Also, Little Boots is embarking on a "DJ tour" which is apparently a thing that DJs do, which will see her spinning in clubs literally all around the world.  Presumably to show just how awesome that is going to be, she's also offered up a mix tape of tracks that everyone can have as a download for ABSOLUTELY NO CHARGE because she knows pop music fans are cheap. 


FREE MIXTAPE DOWNLOAD (feat. 'Shake It Til Your Heart Breaks')
SHAKE UNTIL YOUR HEART BREAKS MIXTAPE by LittleBoots

Also amazing.  And free.