Yes, we know you're all waiting for the Katy Perry video that premieres at noon, but in the meantime we thought we'd point out that a VERY GOOD SONG by a VERY GOOD ARTIST got a VERY GOOD VIDEO and has just come out.
It is called 'Asthma Attack,' and it is by CockNBullKid, an act (a girl) that has been on "the blogs'" up-and-coming lists for what seems like ages now. And with good reason, it seems, as 'Asthma' is a delightful slice of Britpop with a nod back to that genre's golden age of Blur and all the other acts that weren't as good as Blur but sounded kind of similar.
So here it is, a really good track without a lot of bells and whistles, but one that is ultimately more satisfying than most any Katy Perry track. Now, for another hour and twenty minutes, until 'E.T.' comes down from the heavens and distracts us with its insanely-budgeted Kanye West-ness, we can all sit back, relax, forget all about KP for just a moment, and enjoy this hidden gem.
Britney Spears is super gung-ho for her new 'Femme Fatale' album project, what with some "surprise" (read: NOT SURPRISING) performances in Vegas over the weekend and then a stop by the Today Show this week. With her two singles out before the album and endless promotion, Brit's a great example of the NEW MUSIC MARKETING MODEL which equates to about 14 singles released a week-and-a-half apart from each other, and some sort of "Canis - Perfume For Dogs" tie in or something ridiculous, just to ensure a healthy chart debut based on moving a quarter of the units a blockbuster album would have shifted a few years ago. So yeah, the industry is in a great place right now.
Anyway, Brit's been tirelessly slogging her tracks for anyone who will listen, despite the fact (or perhaps BECAUSE of the fact) that 'Til The World Ends' faceplanted into the top 40 gutter after only a couple weeks. We're sure that the whole album leaking didn't help matters, but still. A single falling from #9 to #23 the week before its parent album comes out is never a good sign.
Having said that, Miss Spears is sure to be #1 this week, but it will be interesting to see how many copies she sells. It's a brilliant dance record, sure, but are we the only ones that think these live performances leave something to be desired? Lip syncing worked when her EPIC DANCING distracted us. But post-breakdown Brit never really regained her dancing mojo and watching her these days we can't help feeling a little bit....bored.
We'd like - just once - to hear BS actually sing. It's not like anyone is expecting a lot out of a BRITNEY LIVE VOCAL, so she has a pretty low bar to reach anyway. With her JUST-ANNOUNCED plans to tour this year with Enrique Iglesias, perhaps he can give her some lessons.
Ok so we did a whole thing a while back about how 'Born This Way' is kind of crap and is essentially a poor rip off of Madonna's 'Express Yourself.' And all that still applies - to the "original version." But this brand new recording of the track, the 'Country Road Version,' goes a long way in showing the song's merits on its own. It's clearly got a melody and also some lyrics, and that's really all you need, right?
No, it's still not the EPIC GAGA JAM that we were hoping for, and yeah, Kylie already did the country version thing for all of 'Aphrodite' with her "Dolly Parton Test," but at least Miss G still has some almost-inspired tricks up her sleeve.
Despite announcing that there will be no more singles from her hit album 'Aphrodite' (sad face), K-Mo has decided to chuck out a rather spectacular remix of fan-favorite 'Put Your Hands Up' (amazing). It was mixed by Pete Hammond, the knob-twiddler behind some of Miss M's VERY GOOD REMIXES back in the late 80's and 90's.
Accordingly, the new version is all RETRO and KITSCHY, and as such is also AMAZING. Kylie's also been kind enough to give us all a "lyrics video" for the song (just in time for our birthday!!), which is essentially the video backdrop for her current tour performance of the jam but is still miles better than most music videos today. Yes. We're looking at you, 'S&M.'
No word on a release date yet, but given K-Mo's recent rants about her record company ruining her chart placings through their refusal to join the "on-air, on-sale" wave, it better be pretty damn soon.
So we, unfortunately, did not score tickets to Janet's all-conquering (read: not at all conquering) tour. However, one of our friends did, and he was super excited to tell us about it this morning. His name is Tim D. and this is how our conversation went:
SS: Hello Tim.
TD: Hello Scopitone Saturday.
SS: You went to Janet and we'd like to ask you a few questions about it. First and most importantly, is she fat?
TD: No.
SS: Would it have been better if she was fat?
TD: No.
SS: Good. So it was "sexy Janet." Please go on.
TD: My date liked her "short lesbian haircut."
SS: Well in the interest of not offending anyone we will try to remember to change "short lesbian haircut" to something more culturally sensitive in the final article. But for now let's talk more about the concert. Did she dance a lot?
TD: Yes.
SS: Were her dancers hot?
TD: I don't know. I only remember her dancing with a couple of girls up on stage.
SS: That explains the lesbian haircut.
TD: Yes. She did dance with guys though. I just don't really remember that part.
SS: Were you high?
TD: No but I was very drunk and I think my date was too.
SS: You seem to be bringing up your date a lot. Did it not go well?
TD: Not particularly, no.
SS: I'm sorry to hear that. Do you think he was using you for the tickets?
TD: Not until you said that, no.
SS: Well did you at least get some action?
TD: No. But I think he has a developmental disorder of some kind so I'm ok with it.
SS: Well that's probably a good way to think about things. It's easier to cope with rejection when you vilify the person.
TD: That's very true. You are very insightful.
SS: Thank you. So now some final thoughts about the concert: First, what was the best song?
TD: 'What Have You Done For Me Lately' because it's what I was thinking about my date.
SS: And the worst song?
TD: 'Black Cat' because she didn't sing it and my date talked about it for 2 hours.
"If you keep touching yourself you'll grow paint on your hands."
Remember when Calvin Harris was super awesome and popular?
Us either, but apparently he was both of those things at some point.
The hitmaker - who gave us gems like 'Dance Wiv Me' (AMAZING), 'Merrymaking at My Place' (AMAZING) and 'I'm Not Alone' (shit), is back with a new album and a sort of new sound. He's always been known as a "DJ who sings" but evidently he LOATHED EVERY MINUTE OF THE RESULTING WORLDWIDE FAME AND OBSCENE FORTUNE and has sworn off singing on his own records because, quite simply, he can't be bothered.
Accordingly, Mr. Harris' new album's lead single features no vocals over its thumping beats, but in all fairness isn't as terrible as we were expecting. Still, it's hard to imagine he'll manage another number 1 UK single if he stays this vocal-less course. Which we don't particularly care about, one way or the other, but we thought it was worth mentioning.
Queen of Hearts is a thing that makes music and that music is very good. We think it is a woman but it could be something else altogether, but as long as it chucks out some nice jams we really couldn't care much less.
For the time being it's probably safe to guess that it is a she, because first of all it would be ridiculous to have more than one queen of anything - we're not in Narnia, you know - and also because "NEW ELECTRO POP DIVA" is much more exciting sounding than "NEW GROUP OF A FEW UNIVERSITY STUDENTS WHO DECIDED TO MAKE SOME MUSIC IN THEIR BASEMENT."
In any case, "she" is apparently going to be huge, so any of you ScopiSubjects out there who like to be in the know etc. should probably watch this video. It's kind of what would happen if Little Boots ripped off Kylie's 'Aphrodite' imagery and then blew all her label's promo budget on KFC or something instead of making an actually good video, but THE BLOGS are jumping all over it so it can't be as bad as we are making it out to be.
At least there's a "look" happening, which is a lot more than many new artists can boast, and there is definitely a WICKED TUNE in there somewhere. So keep your eyes peeled for more from Queen of Hearts, and in the meantime click your way over to "HER" WEBSITE for some more teaser-y crap.
This is her brand new, VERY GOOD collaboration with the adorably-named Teddybears (whose 'Cobrastyle' she covered a few years ago), and in it Miss R shows off a rockier, edgier, and more natural sounding "I drink beer but you still want to f*ck me" vocal than we're used to. Could it be that Robyn's picked up on the growing wave of electro backlash? It certainly seems like it would be a wise career move. With all the autotune and synths flying around these days, it seems inevitable that a more organic, live sound will pick up some steam, and while Gaga and Britney may be ruling the charts with overly slick club bangers, their tracks are becoming increasingly divisive among music fans. In fact, the Gaga and Brit albums might just be the collections that push the movement over the edge, as listeners start to hunger for something different.
The more popular these things get - and the more artists jump on a genre's bandwagon - the more " tHe hAteRz" etc. will gain steam and decide that they love whatever music is exactly the opposite of whatever is popular at the moment. So essentially right now we're in the 90's Ace of Base stage of the game, and if we're not careful we will ALL HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH GRUNGE AGAIN. Or, at the very least, we'll chuck Dave Matthews and co back to the top of the charts and have to deal with another Boyz II Men "ooh they can sing without any effects and no music" movement.
Seriously. Don't believe us? Well, even Poppers Princess Kylie Minogue is working an acoustic album for her next release.
TRAGIC FORESHADOWING.
So get out your Kurt Cobain t-shirts, spark up some Reds, stop bathing, and be glad that Robyn won't be left behind when this whole DANCE MUSIC IS AWESOME thing goes south and club acts have to start dueting with the Hootie and the Blowfish reuinion lineup.
But until that happens, let's all enjoy a very good song:
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