Sometimes when I'm sad I just look at my boobs and then everything is ok
In the future everything small will be smaller and everything big will be bigger and everyone will be smarter and prettier and Robyn will sing lead vocals on everything because that IS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.
It is truly one of the wonders of the modern world that Robyn keeps managing to chuck out brilliant tunes with such alarming consistency. More shocking is that her tracks are awesome EVEN WHEN THEY AREN'T HER TRACKS. You see, usually when we see any incarnation of "Random DJ ft. Established Pop Star," it is a signal to groan, beat our heads into our desks and then go on and on about "The 90's" and how everything bad is Jay-Z's fault, but RoRo has thrown our entire worldview into utter disarray with her latest offering.
The song is by some people called Savage Skulls & Douster, who we think are lumber suppliers or the owners of a mildly successful glass repair business or something, but none of that is really important. What IS important is that Robyn sings on it and is in the music video and that both are GOOD.
The video, quite thankfully, breaks out of R's usual "Omg I love this song...wait THIS is the video? That's stupid." mold and instead we get a delightful romp with a van and tennis and Robyn wiggling her hips while holding a rose. Also, in the video Robyn is wearing a jean jacket, which everyone knows is the harbinger of AMAZINGNESS.
There is a thing called Menya and it is very good. It is 2 girls and a boy and some listenable music and also, sometimes, stuffed animals, even though the plush things don't actually sing ( :( ). One of the members, Good Goose (the boy), is about to put out a balls-to-the-wall-brilliant mixtape (Note: exciting), and ScopiSat might just have some exclusives for you from the man himself (Note: EXCITING). But until then we can all get our Menya fix on by downloading the band's first two EP's for ABSOLUTELY FREE.
For the unindoctrinated looking for a jumping off point, check out 'Oh!' off the band's 2008 'The Ol' Reacharound.' It's fun and happy and it has a video, and really, in a recession that's about all you can ask, isn't it. Also the band as a whole are not unattractive which certainly doesn't hinder the clip in the least, and at the end of the day, the fact of the matter is the song title features PUNCTUATION which means it is AMAZING.
Now go get your free downloads at the Menya website HERE
"I can TOTALLY go two weeks without washing it, right?"
We always know a video is going to be good when it says the person's name in big letters at the beginning. We imagine it's because there is some sort of approval process, where the artist sits down and says "ok that was alright, but I'm not putting my name in big letters at the beginning because it's not THAT good" and then the dejected crew cancel their plans, go off and add some special effects, post-produce out some wrinkles and cellulite, and then the artist says "hurrah, now I love it, here's a giant stamp of my name in a super special font that I had made at Kinkos" and everyone goes home happy.
Even if that's not what happens, it still holds true that videos with the artist's name at the beginning in big letters are, as a rule, 35% better than videos without it. And Avril's new clip is no exception.
Any regular ScopiSat reader knows that we pretty much hate Avril Lavigne, and it QUITE VEXES US when she puts out stuff like 'Girlfriend' or, in this case, 'What The Hell,' because it's difficult to truly despise someone while you're nodding your head to their tune. But whatever, life is hard, and we just have to deal with it.
For the video to the aforementioned 'Hell,' Miss Lavigne has pulled out all the stops, thrown on her best emo makeup, her Hot Topic fingerless gloves, and F*CKING GONE TO TOWN. Quite literally, in fact. She wakes up with some hottie, does some things, crashes a cab, and then gallavants around the city while a very good song plays and she mouths along. In short, it's an extremely adequate video, and in this day and age that's really all anyone can ask.
We know you have like, a baby and stuff, but if you could get your ass moving on that new album that would be super. We have heard from "the blogs" that you have recorded a number of songs (all of which are obviously brilliant) so it really shouldn't be too much trouble to throw a dart at a list of completed tunes and compile a track listing. You could even make it a game - some sort of Twister with song titles, or, in a pinch, just have the maid pick some. We're really not fussed how it gets compiled, just as long as there are a minimum of 11 tracks and no more than 14 because any more than that and it looks like you're taking the project way too seriously.
And none of this "I'm not doing an album as such, I'm just recording tracks and letting them have a life of their own because I'm such an artist and record labels are evil" bullshit either. We want a FULL ALBUM with a PHYSICAL RELEASE and PROPER PROMOTION on at least one mid-table primetime chat show. You don't have to talk - in fact, it's probably best that you do not, as the "Irish AND ginger" thing kind of creeps people out - but you do have to sing the album's lead single and wear something batshit insane while doing it.
Additionally, we would like you to drum up interest in the project by starting a feud with a "current" pop strumpet. Right now we're thinking Avril Lavigne because she's not a real musician and probably doesn't know who you are, and thus wouldn't know what she was getting herself into. Also we think she's a fake bitch, though her new single is quite alright so she gets a pass for now, but if you could take her down a few pegs we'd really appreciate it and it might sell a few of your records to boot.
Anyway, back to the music - on the album we shall require:
- 1 ballad (not a weird "ambient noise-with-vocal" thing, a PROPER POWER BALLAD that will make us cry when we are drunk). A duet is unacceptable.
- 1 sell-out single (Max Martin or equivalent)
- 1 techno song that goes on for at least 7 minutes for no reason
- 2 filler tracks that will someday be lauded as masterpieces
- a hidden track in which you subtly declare your allegiance to a weird religious cult or something, just so you can get on a few morning shows and "defend your position" while shilling the record shamelessly.
We realize a lot of your "crazy" thunder was stolen by one Miss Gaga over the past couple years. And to be honest we're not real sure what to do about that, but we have complete faith that you will come up with something unique and artsy (like when you shuffled around London dressed as a series of walking, fully-lit set designs) and if worst comes to worst we'd be fine with you doing some sort of nip-slip or pantless drunken rage.
Having said all that, we do appreciate the constant trickle of VERY GOOD tunes dribbling from your talent-teat, like this new jam, 'Boadicea,' you did with dance producer Mason. But seriously, Ro. Let's get this album thing together.
Yesterday we chucked up some Cloverfield-style footage from a fashion show, during which a good deal of thumping went on. This thumping was apparently a new Lady Gaga song, but no one could really tell anything about it for sure except that it was kind of like 'Teeth' but "stompier" and also that it was VERY GOOD.
Well now there's a full-on remix thing on the interwebs, posted by one of the team behind the fashion show. It features a super art-school-y video that shows a bunch of things that very few people would care anything about if it wasn't paired with a new Gaga track, but all around the whole thing is doing quite an alright job of drumming up interest in the Lady's 'Born This Way' album.
Because it needed so much help.
Anyway here's the video. We warn you. It is good. Well, as good as 4 minutes of one phrase repeating over and over to a beat can be. Which is still pretty damn good.
We have a whole theory about Miss Gaga that she has achieved a completely unsustainable level of fame and notoriety, and that she will soon end up being the Cyndi Lauper of this generation, eclipsed by a new Madonna. Part of that is because her music is brilliant but also challenging, but mostly it's because she wears MEAT AS CLOTHING because it is somehow interesting.
To be fair we really have no idea how the whole Gaga thing will turn out, but with the debut of this 'Born This Way' album track yesterday at Thierry Mugler's runway show, her sophomore (sort of) album is shaping up to be nothing less than fantastic.
Many a pop diva have relied on the svengali-like talents of RedOne to bolster their careers, and J.Lo is the latest to jump on the producer's magical bandwagon.
'On The Floor' samples Kaoma's 1989 track 'Lambada,' which was a number one smash worldwide, but stalled in the States just outside the top 40. Something tells us that J.Lo's jam may have an oddly similar run at the charts. It's got the J.Lo name, which still means something to people who buy perfume in supermarkets, and samples a pretty well known song, which means something to older people who remember J.Lo and who also tend to buy perfumes in supermarkets. It'll probably rocket up the charts real fast (and go back down them just as quickly) in Europe, but in the US....not so much.
It's once again that time, ScopiSubjects. This week's installment of our namesake post is a doozy, too, so get your Dramamine out because it's going to be a Technicolor orgy of PURE CLASS up in here in a second.
First some boring history bullcrap: Jody Miller was a kind of mid-table country singer back in the 1960's and 1970's, with a few top ten country hits and a couple mainstream top 40 singles. At the beginning of her mediocre journey through semi-fame, though, things were looking up when she released 'Queen Of The House,' an "answer record" to Roger Miller's smash 'King Of The Road.' The song made it to number 12 on the Billboard Hot 100, and remains Miss Miller's signature tune.
Now the interesting stuff: Jody's version of 'House' gave us far more than just a track for aging drag queens in the south to mouth along to in between bourbon shots. The tune also spawned Jody's first Scopitone, an ABSOLUTE GEM of a clip. It really has just about everything you'd want in a video - dancing milkmen, girls in bikinis frying things, and an AquaNet budget more than the GDP of most developed nations.
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