Christina Aguilera takes on T.I. in new track 'Castle Walls' - listen to the premiere now!

Oh, Christina. 

Life just hasn't been what we all expected for our little genie in a bottle, has it? 

After countless (this is a lie, we could easily count them but cannot be bothered) hit singles and albums, her last LP straggled into the public consciousness already saddled with an "EPIC FLOP" metatag.  And, sadly, on the flop front it did not disappoint.  Not content to reject ONLY HER ALBUMS, the public decided that even her individual tracks should be shunned like a leper in a steamroom.  Singles wise, she hasn't troubled the top 20 since 2008, and her last track didn't even dent the HOT 100.

Then came 'Burlesque,' her 'Showgirls' wannabe film debut currently being laughed out of theaters, and a host of bad reviews that placed much of the blame on Xtina's shoulders.  Sure the gays love it, but the gays love anything shiny these days - doubly so if Cher is somehow involved.

So what's a down and out bottle-blonde to do when her career goes tits-up?  Yeah, you guessed it.  Duet with a rapper.

Here's her knockoff of 'Love The Way You Lie' or 'Empire State of Mind' or any other generic heartwrenching-but-not-really rap/vocal collaboration, featuring the GENIUS AND ELOQUENT WORDSMITHING of a fresh-from-Federal Prison T.I.

TI ft. Christina Aguilera - Castle Walls by omarafuni

Kylie wants to 'Let It Snow' in brand new track - listen to the PREMIERE now!

As we all lolled about in tryptophan comas and ran frantically on treadmills in a vain attempt to work off the full-fat Cool Whip we ate straight from the tub over Thanksgiving break, Kylie performed atop some ducks in the Macy's Parade and readied her brand new holiday track 'Let It Snow.'  A track that, luckily for us, can be previewed RIGHT NOW.

A word of caution though, this link comes to us from Perez Hilton, and we cannot promise that your viewing of it will not support his site/evil cause/bileous plot to overthrow the world by punching one Black Eyed Pea at a time.  Why Kylie has decided to give him the exclusive no one will ever know, but whatever, it's done and it's the holidays so we should be filled with the spirit of FORGIVENESS and FESTIVE TIDINGS and all that bullshit. 

'Let It Snow' is a jazzy little holiday tune that (wisely) sidesteps the tendency for artists to try and make Christmas very NOW and TRENDY (see: Mariah/Christina/N*Sync/the inevitable Glee debacle that is sure to come) and will slide in nicely alongside her 'Santa Baby' to become a perennial classic.





Our only complaint is that it for no reason is not the b-side to her new single 'Better Than Today.'  If there ever was a way to boost its sales, this would be it. 'Let it Snow' is available from iTunes starting next week.

Black Eyed Peas' crap new song gets a crap new video - watch the premiere now!

And suddenly Fergie realized she was at the wrong Quinceanera

Alright, we all know the new BEP track is a steaming, lowbrow amalgamation of everything mediocre in this world.  So, coming from a group once known for their ground-breaking jams, you'd think they'd at least try extra hard to make a super great video for 'The Time', wouldn't you?

Well, they didn't.

The musical collective - who are fast becoming the Old Navy of pop music - have decided to do the ABSOLUTE LEAST AMOUNT OF WORK POSSIBLE in creating the clip, and mostly just mouth things at the screen while walking through streets/clubs/other places Snooki probably hangs out, and then have GROUNDBREAKING VISUAL EFFECTS layered on top of them by other people who specialize in that sort of thing.

In all honesty the pixel thing is pretty cool, but it's nothing we haven't seen before and certainly can't wash away the taste of pure evil that lingers in our ears every time we hear the song.  So to Fergie and the other people in the group who are not Fergie but wish they were, we would like to just say: either try harder or don't bother.   



"See me after class" etc.

'The Time (Dirty Bit)' is off the BEP's new album 'The Beginning' (ironic, because they certainly are starting to sound like they are very much at THE END) which "drops" November 29.

Who wants to see Miley embarass herself in front of millions? We thought so - watch now!

Miley and a pal shortly after switching outfits

We here at ScopiSat are generally positive and uplifting people.  It is not in our nature to revel in the misfortune of others, even when they bring it on themselves by wearing RIDICULOUS THINGS AND BLEETING LIKE A SHEEP INTO A MICROPHONE.

So, having said that, here are some good things about the Miley Cyrus performance of her new death dirge 'Forgiveness and Love':

1.  Her hair didn't look as horrible as it has in the past.

2.  By recycling a burial shroud BEAUTIFUL GOWN from the late 19th century she set a fine example for the youth of America, leading the charge in the "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" campaign.

3.  There wasn't a stripper pole in sight, although we're sure in a pinch any one of those candelabras could be straddled and ground against - which in retrospect really could have taken this performance to the next level.

4.  The performance provided temporary employment to a number of live musicians, and in these economic times that is truly something to be applauded.

5.  Clocking in at a measly 3:25 the whole debacle could have been dragged out much, much longer.

THE END.

The Kylie onslaught continues - watch the premiere of 'Better Than Today' now!

ScopiSat is of the opinion that 'Better Than Today' is VERY GOOD, and is, in fact, the best choice the K-Mo folks could have made to put the pop princess back on top after the disappointing chart run of 'Get Outta My Way.'  Others - namely die-hard Kylie fans - disagree, but perhaps this shiny new video will silence some of that discontent. 

They certainly didn't blow the budget on this one, but somehow it still manages to come off looking less thrown together than 'Get Outta My Way' did, and is the most "Kylie" a Kylie video has been in ages.

It's also a world better than yesterday's debut of the video for her Taio Cruz duet 'Higher,' which isn't horrible but is essentailly one long BMW advert.

Anyway, here is 'Better Than Today' in all its Pac Man pop goodness:


Kylie Minogue - Better Than Today
Uploaded by EMI_Music. - See the latest featured music videos.

"VERY GOOD"

The new Taio/Kylie video is one big, moody BMW ad - watch the premiere now!

"If we just keep smiling they'll never know which one of us farted"

Let's just get this out of the way - this song ('Higher') isn't particularly great or groundbreaking, and the video is even less so.  But each are still far more than adequate, and all parties involved should be very proud for managing to look airbrushed without LOOKING AIRBRUSHED. 

As we've said before, though, average Kylie equates to above average anyone else, so we're not complaining.

Having established the foregoing, we are left with the burning question of EXACTLY HOW MUCH MONEY BMW paid for this spot.  Our guess is in the mid-six-figures, but we could be way off the mark.

We also should note that Taio and Kylie never actually touch or really interact, because while the Taio/K-mo track will be released worldwide (it's already topping charts in Australia), the U.S. version (not North American - Canada is getting Kylie too, leaving the U.S. the only odd man out) will feature something called a Travie McCoy whom we just found out is not a woman.  Presumably, then, the video will be re-cut to include the Travie thing in place of Kylie, but - and again we're presuming - doing different things than Kylie so the video doesn't seem GAY which would be TERRIBLE.



The Kylie version is out worldwide January 16

EDIT:  does anyone else feel like they were building up to a BIG EPIC DANCE BREAK and then ran out of time and said 'eh, let's just throw some more shots of the cars in there instead'?

FREE DOWNLOAD - Lykke Li's gonna 'Get Some' in new video - watch the premiere now and get the single for FREE!

Are you a music lover that likes your pagan ritualism mixed with 60's go-go dancing and beachwear?  If you are, then have we got the video for you!

The ALL NEW, ALL SWEDISH Lykke Li video is all of the above things, with the added bonus of being shot in ACTUAL BLACK AND WHITE - the film of choice for such music video classics as Madonna's 'Oh Father' and EYC's 'Feelin Alright' (Look it up.  It's pretty brilliant).  

'Get Some' is a clusterbomb of percussion and punchy vocals, in a kind of Moloko-meets-Florence and the Machine way, and hopefully signals that there are good things to come from Lykke's forthcoming album.  And if it doesn't, well, we'll always have the black and white.

 

The single is out now for FREE DOWNLOAD, with the album to follow early next year. 

FREE DOWNLOAD of Florrie's new - and AMAZING - debut EP - listen now (and DL link)

This is what Florrie's head looks like while she is doing a shit.

Florrie, despite our never having heard anything by her til now, is already somewhat of a pop goddess in our minds and is such based mostly on several pictures we have seen of her looking QUITE FETCHING.  Well, we're happy to report that her photographs did not steer us wrong, for she is actually a little bit amazing, musically. 

To be fair we kind of knew she would be going in, because she is the new Xenomania front-songstress, but it's still nice to have some solid confirmation.

As a sort of introduction to the pop masses, Florrie's people have chosen to chuck out an EP onto the interwebs for all to enjoy.  And by "all" we actually, for once, mean ALL, as the entire record is available for free from her website here. 

If you're not convinced by the fact that it is FREE, perhaps you will be convinced by the fact that it is, in large part, also AMAZING, as evidenced by the following:




Yes.  Very good indeed.