The new Taio/Kylie video is one big, moody BMW ad - watch the premiere now!

"If we just keep smiling they'll never know which one of us farted"

Let's just get this out of the way - this song ('Higher') isn't particularly great or groundbreaking, and the video is even less so.  But each are still far more than adequate, and all parties involved should be very proud for managing to look airbrushed without LOOKING AIRBRUSHED. 

As we've said before, though, average Kylie equates to above average anyone else, so we're not complaining.

Having established the foregoing, we are left with the burning question of EXACTLY HOW MUCH MONEY BMW paid for this spot.  Our guess is in the mid-six-figures, but we could be way off the mark.

We also should note that Taio and Kylie never actually touch or really interact, because while the Taio/K-mo track will be released worldwide (it's already topping charts in Australia), the U.S. version (not North American - Canada is getting Kylie too, leaving the U.S. the only odd man out) will feature something called a Travie McCoy whom we just found out is not a woman.  Presumably, then, the video will be re-cut to include the Travie thing in place of Kylie, but - and again we're presuming - doing different things than Kylie so the video doesn't seem GAY which would be TERRIBLE.



The Kylie version is out worldwide January 16

EDIT:  does anyone else feel like they were building up to a BIG EPIC DANCE BREAK and then ran out of time and said 'eh, let's just throw some more shots of the cars in there instead'?

FREE DOWNLOAD - Lykke Li's gonna 'Get Some' in new video - watch the premiere now and get the single for FREE!

Are you a music lover that likes your pagan ritualism mixed with 60's go-go dancing and beachwear?  If you are, then have we got the video for you!

The ALL NEW, ALL SWEDISH Lykke Li video is all of the above things, with the added bonus of being shot in ACTUAL BLACK AND WHITE - the film of choice for such music video classics as Madonna's 'Oh Father' and EYC's 'Feelin Alright' (Look it up.  It's pretty brilliant).  

'Get Some' is a clusterbomb of percussion and punchy vocals, in a kind of Moloko-meets-Florence and the Machine way, and hopefully signals that there are good things to come from Lykke's forthcoming album.  And if it doesn't, well, we'll always have the black and white.

 

The single is out now for FREE DOWNLOAD, with the album to follow early next year. 

FREE DOWNLOAD of Florrie's new - and AMAZING - debut EP - listen now (and DL link)

This is what Florrie's head looks like while she is doing a shit.

Florrie, despite our never having heard anything by her til now, is already somewhat of a pop goddess in our minds and is such based mostly on several pictures we have seen of her looking QUITE FETCHING.  Well, we're happy to report that her photographs did not steer us wrong, for she is actually a little bit amazing, musically. 

To be fair we kind of knew she would be going in, because she is the new Xenomania front-songstress, but it's still nice to have some solid confirmation.

As a sort of introduction to the pop masses, Florrie's people have chosen to chuck out an EP onto the interwebs for all to enjoy.  And by "all" we actually, for once, mean ALL, as the entire record is available for free from her website here. 

If you're not convinced by the fact that it is FREE, perhaps you will be convinced by the fact that it is, in large part, also AMAZING, as evidenced by the following:




Yes.  Very good indeed.

Jessie J wants to 'Do It Like A Dude' - which is unfortunate, because most of the ones we know don't do it very well :(

Jessie J is a bit of an issue for us.  She's super good-looking and seems to have genuine talent (she co-wrote Miley's 'Party In The USA'), but she insists on putting out tuneless dated crap like 'Do It Like A Dude.'

This is the kind of unfortunate R&B style-over-substance unfortunateness that preceded, and arguably brought on, the pop renaissance, and certainly would have fit into the music landscape of the mid-2000's.

In a way us pop fans owe a debt to that time... it took the image-over-melody movement to its extreme, and drove the idea so far into the ground that it allowed pop, with all its hooks and earnestness, to come back with a vengeance. 

But now, in the 20-teens, a track like this seems hopelessly out of place.  The song itself is essentially non-existent, instead letting the beats and sound effects do all the heavy lifting - which is odd, as she is quite an accomplished songwriter ('PARTY IN THE USfreakinA', PEOPLE).  Indeed, if someone were to attempt to remake 'Do It' in a different, more straightforward style (say, a rock or country cover), they would be left with little more than a terrifying mess resembling a not-very-gifted-five-year-old's poem.

It irks us, dear readers.

It keeps us awake at night.

It leaves us shaking our fists at the sky and screaming "WHY WOULD A MERCIFUL GOD ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN" while the camera pans up through falling rain, VERY DRAMATIC music plays, and the image turns sepia because that is what is done when something is meant to be MOODY.

Having said all that, it is unfortunately for all these same reasons that it will inevitably be huge and inescapable for the next year, after which it will disappear entirely until being resurrected by the "This Is 2010" special edition of the NOW series - which will by that time be delivered, Matrix-style, directly into neck-mounted USB drives - on which the track will feature not because it is a brilliant song, but because the royalty payment is so cheap.

The whole debacle is made all the more sad because her other tunes are actually quite listenable, and despite the rather intimidating (read: ACTUALLY FRIGHTENING) video below, Jessie herself seems like a perfectly decent person.  We're sure we'll be hearing more of her in the future, but you'll forgive us if we wait til the next single to jump on the Jessie J bandwagon.

Robyn's 'Time Machine' is set to take over the world - listen to the premiere now!

We were discussing Robyn with one of our friends today, and the conversation went something like this:

Friend:  How is Robyn not bigger than Ke$ha?

ScopiSat:  Totes - her teeth are jacked but at least she showers.

THE END

Well, if Robyn's brand new track 'Time Machine' doesn't finally put The Unwashed One in her place once and for all, nothing will, because it's pretty effing brilliant.

Robyn first burst onto the global pop scene with Max Martin-penned jams like 'Show Me Love' and 'Do You Know (What It Takes)' all the way back in 1995.  And just in case you wanted our opinion on those, it is summed up by a word that starts with A and ends with G and is AMAZING. 

Now, 14 (FOURTEEN) years later, Robyn has come full circle and has teamed up with Max Martin again.  Martin has found the kind of longevity, hits, and success that most songwriters only dream of, and Robyn's renaissance has been nothing less than spectacular, so you'll forgive us if we expected quite a lot out of their new collaboration.  In fact, this pairing seems like a Paula Deen butter-covered recipe for disaster, simply because pop fans' expectations will surely be high, but at times like these all we can really do is sit back, hit play, and pray for the best.



And THAT, ScopiSubjects, is how you do a pop song.

This LITERALLY EPIC tune is out on Robyn's 'Body Talk' LP on Nov 22 and is slated to be a North American single soon.

The next big thing is here, and her name is Kimberly Nichole - watch now!

Miss Nichole burps the alphabet

In this world where "the next big thing" is already old by the time it shows up on the interwebs, it's refreshing to come across a truly underground (seriously, this video is from a basement somewhere in Atlanta) talent poised to burst like a glittery, self-assured firecracker onto the scene.  Her name is Kimberly Nichole, and she's kind of (read: actually) amazing.

She's Janelle Monae with more of an edge, and rocks outlandish fashion that, unlike Gaga's, is entirely eccentric while completely wearable.  Poised to be one of the big splashes in 2011, she's been written up by MTV, BET, the Washington Post, and even receives a rave review in December's Vogue.  And it's probably good that everyone seems to have generally positive things about the young starlet, as we get the distinct feeling that she would have little to no problem "cutting a bitch."

Check out her live cover of 'Crazy,' and tell us you're not just a little bit excited about what the future holds:

Kylie kills it on The X Factor - watch her debut of 'Better Than Today' now!

Kylie ingests her carbs for the year

If there's one thing that the relative failure of 'Get Outta My Way' in the UK (and oddly, its building success in the United States) has taught us, it's that there is a big difference between slick and soulless Kylie and bubbly personality-driven Kylie.  'Outta' was certainly the former, and was rejected as a bit generic and throw-away by the European public, who expect a little something more from their pop princess.  The US, on the other hand, just wants a good dance jam, and could care less about a back story.

It seems K-mo's people have finally caught on as well, because tonight's performance of new single 'Better Than Today' on The X Factor was everything it needed to be to put Miss Minogue back on top in her adopted homeland.  High concept (Pac Man - amazing) but also real, it had energy, neon, some ridiculous hats and miles of leg.  In short, it was pure Kylie all the way.

The entire performance is lifted from her US mini tour, bubbles over with energy and personality and features a near-miss with falling on her ass.  In short, well worth the watch.



'Better Than Today' is out now as an album download, and out Dec 7 as a single.

Amy Winehouse is back and still very very drunk - listen to 'It's My Party' now!

If we had to guess what a track by our batshit-crazy grandma, recorded after a few too many of her "nervous pills" would sound like, this would be it.  Unfortunately, our grandma doesn't have a record deal and this is actually a song sung by 27 year old Amy I'm-not-on-drugs-anymore-except-I-totally-am Winehouse:  




'It's My Party' will feature on Quincy Jones' new record 'Q: Soul Bossa Nostra' out November 9, and if we're lucky Quincy will put some of the sales proceeds toward getting Winebox to a recovery facility pretty damn quick.