Beyonce's 'Countdown' preview is rather amazing

"I told you I'm not Tyra Banks, so stop calling!"

Beyonce is probably the most consistent pop star on the planet these days.  We say that not because she's necessarily our favorite, but because no matter what she does or when she does it, we all know well ahead of time that it will be UH MAY ZING.

But beyond the raw talent, B has something that most other acts don't have anymore - a little bit of subtlety.  Sure, everything is highly stylized, and yeah, a lot of the stuff is over the top, but this is pop for chrissake, it has to be.  What we're talking about is Bey's ability to make a point without beating the listener over the head with it, or get a message across without ramming it down our throats.

Like in her new video preview for 'Countdown.'  Where the message is 'THIS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING.'  And rightly so.  It's the best song on the album and arguably one that could have started things off a tad better for the campaign.  The LP wasn't the flop some were predicting, but it didn't exactly blow everyone away with its sales either.  But had 'Countdown' led things off, we have a feeling history would be VERY DIFFERENT INDEED.



"Yes."

Jessie J's is 'Who You Are' in her new video - watch the premiere now!

I am Jessie J and I have an angular haircut

Two things.

1.  We love Jessie J.  She's got a buttload of talent and is generally amazing in most every way in which a popstar can be amazing.  However, her new song 'Who We Are' is kind of a bit too much.  It's not a bad song at all, mind you, but during 85% of the track we are overcome with the urge to throw our speakers against the wall while screaming "IT ISN'T A SHOUTING CONTEST, CALM DOWN."  Seriously.  Dial it back a little.  We know you can SANG and all that but you don't have to beat us over the head with it.  Take a page out of Pink's book. She knows how to take it to the edge and push right up against it, but also knows that NOT EVERY BALLAD NEEDS TO BE SLEDGHAMMERED INTO A MICROPHONE. 

So are we saying that Pink would have done this song better?

Yes.  Yes we are.

Ok 2.  This whole "WE R WHO WE R ARE BECAUSE WE ARE BORN THIS WAY AND EVERYTHING IS FINE BECAUSE WE ARE ALL FIREWORKS" thing is great for the kids but how many times do we have to hear this song?  Does anyone else remember a time when EVERY SINGLE SONG ON THE RADIO was not about either going to "the club" or about telling us how amazing we are?  We're not even going to go into the fact that NOT EVERYONE IS AMAZING and that telling a bunch of selfish, immature, bratty 13 year-olds who have never been punished by their "best-friend" parents and who think being successful in life only requires a great audition on a reality show that they are perfect already just the way they are is MAYBE THE WORST IDEA EVER, or that your cousin who slapped her teacher and then got arrested shoplifting from Wet Seal listens to 'Born This Way' and takes away the message that it's EVERYONE ELSE'S PROBLEM.  No, that's a whole different issue and this is simply about the music and how maybe it's time someone wrote a song about something else like trees, or mideast political policy or something.

Whatever, here's Jessie's video.

The Saturdays put down the poppers for 'My Heart Takes Over' - listen to the premiere now!

Not Girls Aloud.

The Saturdays, in all their handlers' infinite wisdom, decided to chuck in the R&B-lite sound they had since their inception, and go for a full-on club attack on their new album 'On Your Radar' - a new album which has already had three singles taken from it, and won't even be out until next year.  So basically it will be a compilation album of a bunch of singles you've already heard, and some filler tracks that after hearing you'll wish you hadn't.

But insane state-of-the-industry rantings aside, we're totally fans of The Sats' new direction, albeit in an apathetic "meh" kind of way.  Sure, they're chasing the Britney/Rihanna/Everyone Else trend, and yeah, they haven't put out even one song in their entire history that could qualify as a "classic," but is anyone really expecting any sort of artistic achievement from these ladies?

The answer is no.

To be completely fair (AS WE ALWAYS ARE Ed: this is blatantly false. Delete.) the album's second single 'All Fired Up' was a bit of an underrated masterpiece of forward-thinking pop, but again, to be completely fair (Ed: STOP SAYING THIS) the band themselves really had nothing to do with it other than showing up for a few minutes and yelling into an autotune machine.

For album single number 3,  the girls have done one of those songs that happens during a concert right after the band has said something like "if it's all right with you, we're going to slow it on down."  Inevitably, in those situations, it most certainly is NOT alright with us, but it's something we all have to deal with and sometimes we all have to realize not everything can be glitterbomb donk fierceness all the time.  As mid-tempo ballads go, it's actually not half bad, but it's got a shelf-life of about a week on our iPod after which it will fade into oblivion only to be recalled in the context of the group's Wikipedia discography.  

Long story short, at the end of the day we're left with some girls who sing what their told to, some label execs who have made relatively wise decisions regarding their repertoire, and the comforting personal knowledge that the Sats' new track is fine and that when the album FINALLY comes out after another six singles and a stadium tour, it will be fine too.

Which is good enough.

The boys from The Wanted do a porn - watch the video for 'Lightning' now!

And this is only two of them.

Ok so it's not really a porn.  But it's close.

It seems like ever since the young one (Nathan, we think, or Chris, or James or something...) turned 18, The Wanted have gotten racier and racier.  Not that we're complaining mind you - it's just an observation.

We basically "would" with them all, even though we'd only do it with some of them because they're in a famous band, but to be fair it is A VERY GOOD BAND who does VERY GOOD SONGS like 'Lightning.'  Actually, though, now that we think of it, maybe we ARE complaining about their OVERT SEXINESS.  We almost wish that they weren't quite so damn hot, since that is bound to get in the way of anyone enjoying their tracks for what they are - rather brilliant slices of of-the-moment pop.

Take 'Lightning' for example: while we're all staring at their chiseled-but-not-too-chiseled triceps, a great beat is happening, and while everyone is enamored with the post-production-"sexy" flesh tone they've all been given, a catchy melody is thumping around.  So in the interest of journalistic integrity we must ask:  ARE THE WANTED TOO SEXY FOR THEIR OWN GOOD?

And of course the answer is no.

Take it off, boys.

Luciana ropes in THE ACTUAL BETTY WHITE for 'I'm Still Hot' - listen now!

We would totally see this "buddy cop" movie

We could spend hours and hours wringing our hands in confusion as to how this collaboration came about exactly, or we could spend those hours enjoying the very good song that resulted. 

It's a song by Luciana and it features Betty White.  So, it is AMAZING. 

The track is called 'I'm Still Hot,' and is a by-the-numbers club track but done exceptionally well - which is kind of Luciana's "thing".  She doesn't really bring anything particularly new to the table ("ooh look a woman talking over some beats" etc.) but her mode of delivery is pretty great.  She's also featured on some rather awesome tracks (Taio Cruz's 'Come On Girl' being just one) but now has gotten QUITE THE STAR to feature on one of her own.

The original version of 'Hot' has already hit the top 3 of the dance charts, and we have a feeling this remix will push it to the summit.  Because who doesn't love Betty White?  She's sweet, she's crass, she's funny, and most importantly, she's still hot.

If this version of 'Hot' charts, this will be Ms. White's first appearance on Billboard in the US, or on the official UK countdown.  And we can't wait to see her name on both of them.

Rihanna/Calvin Harris' 'We Found Love' premiere! Listen now!

Just another day at the office.

So the new Rihanna is here and it is both very good and very disappointing. 

It is very good because, objectively, it is VERY GOOD.  It has a great catchy hook and a punchy beat and bassline that just begs to be shoulder-dipped to. 

It is disappointing because, listened to in context, it is a song we have heard many times before, from an artist who has made a career of being different and somewhat special. 

Of course it will be #1 for two months and, at the very least, make everyone stop talking about Lady Gaga for a precious few moments, but to be honest, Rihanna, WE EXPECTED A BIT MORE FROM YOU.

You can listen to the premiere HERE thanks to some French piracy.

"Needs work; see us after class" etc

Jennifer Lopez's 'Papi' is KIND OF AMAZING - watch the premiere now!

seashells remind people of vaginas

Jennifer Lopez's third single from her album 'Love(unnecessary punctuation)' is called 'Papi' and it is not terrible, although it is a little creepy.  The video for the song is not terrible either - in that it's better than her last one - but there's something a little .....off about it too.  In fact, it's almost like two videos in one.  One, which is weird and strangely directed, and the other which is brilliant and FIERCE (finger snap bitch stomp). 

The concept is fantastic:  J.Lo eats a cookie which will "bring back love" and through its magic (?) becomes irresistible to all men (ok so by "fantastic" we mean utterly ridiculous but still amazing) and then they fight over her and then break into a budget-busting riot on a city street because why not?

Sounds epic, right?  IT IS.

But the first half of the video is just kind of strange. Not like, BAD strange -far from it, in fact, but there's just something odd about how everything goes down.  The ideas are all fine, but maybe something in the execution just went a little wrong.  Whatever happened, though, it ultimately doesn't matter because the last half of the video saves the whole thing.  Once J.Ho realizes her new-found powers, she COMMANDS THEM WITH DANCE MOVES (amazing) and does a whole dance break thing in booty shorts (AMAZING), and by the hot guy appears with NO EXPLANATION and wisks her away, everyone's completely forgotten all about the first half of the video anyway so in the end SHE WINS.

And you know what, people?  We win too.



"AMAZING."

Agnes warns 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart' in new single - listen to the premiere now!

"Before DulcoLax, every day was a struggle"

Agnes is a pop star who comes from Sweden.  Since she comes from Sweden, it would be safe to assume that she is amazing even without any direct evidence to support that assumption, but luckily for our well-respected editorial integrity (citation needed) Agnes has put out some songs in the past (like her hit single 'Release Me') that indisputably proves it.

She started her career on Swedish Idol, and has since become their answer to Kelly Clarkson but gayer and without the boring "artistic" album, and has steadily been building a healthy following outside her home country.  In fact, the aforementioned 'Release Me' went all the way to the UK top 5 - though to be fair that may have just been because everyone thought it was a Leona Lewis song. 

Different people.

Now, international success in tow, Agnes is ready to launch her fourth album, and is gearing up for it with the RATHER GOOD lead single 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart.'  It is, thank god, not a cover of the Elton John/Kiki Dee hit (not that their tune isn't amazing, we're just guessing some Swedish broad doing a eurotrash cover of it probably wouldn't be met with too much success.  Except in Romania.  They'll buy anything in Romania.) but is instead a FULLY NEW, FULLY FANTASTIC jam.

A big-budget video is coming shortly, and if this is all played right (and if the girl from Cascada doesn't have her killed for stealing her thunder) Agnes might just get the sustained international success her royalty accountants so desperately crave.