Beyonce's 'Dance For You' video proves she needs to pop that kid out and get back to it

Don't worry, B.  We're bored too.

Ok look, Beyonce.  We know you're pregnant.  We know you have "other things" to think about.  But that really doesn't mean you should start slacking on your day job.  Which, judging from your latest video, is exactly what you've begun to do.  We know some record exec told you that in today's "new model" you have to have new product out every two and a half days, but like you, we're hoping this is a passing fad. 

Because until then, decent pop stars like you will be forced to trot out boring crap like this, which serves only to distract us from the LITERALLY AMAZING things you've taken actual time and care in putting together, like the 'Countdown' video that everyone loved for about ten minutes and then forgot about. 

Also, when the hell did you shoot this?  You're obviously not "showing" in this clip, which means it was filmed quite some time ago.  Did you just film budget videos for every single song on your album and then sit on them like a fabulously sassy bird on a stash of eggs?  Because if so, maybe this is one you should have "accidentally kicked out of the nest" during a particularly active nightmare if you know what we're saying. 

Do you?  Do you know what we're saying, Beyonce? 

Because we're saying it's crap. 

So stop being pregnant or whatever your problem is and get back to making amazing videos because having to write mean things about you makes us sad and WE DO NOT LIKE TO BE SAD.

Beyonce's 'Countdown' preview is rather amazing

"I told you I'm not Tyra Banks, so stop calling!"

Beyonce is probably the most consistent pop star on the planet these days.  We say that not because she's necessarily our favorite, but because no matter what she does or when she does it, we all know well ahead of time that it will be UH MAY ZING.

But beyond the raw talent, B has something that most other acts don't have anymore - a little bit of subtlety.  Sure, everything is highly stylized, and yeah, a lot of the stuff is over the top, but this is pop for chrissake, it has to be.  What we're talking about is Bey's ability to make a point without beating the listener over the head with it, or get a message across without ramming it down our throats.

Like in her new video preview for 'Countdown.'  Where the message is 'THIS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING.'  And rightly so.  It's the best song on the album and arguably one that could have started things off a tad better for the campaign.  The LP wasn't the flop some were predicting, but it didn't exactly blow everyone away with its sales either.  But had 'Countdown' led things off, we have a feeling history would be VERY DIFFERENT INDEED.



"Yes."

Jesus, the new Beyonce is really good - listen to the premiere now!

Bitch please, y'all thought I wasn't gonna come back bigger and better?

Ok we were more than a little bit worried there for a bit - 'Run The World (Girls)' was at best a mess, and at worst a human tragedy on par with one of those stories from India that are like 'MOTORCYCLE CRASH KILLS 12,000' or something.  

But, with 'Run' languishing in the depths of the charts even after a number of high-profile promo attempts, B's people have smartened up and begun preparing the next wave of Beyonce's '4' album campaign.

AND IT IS VERY VERY GOOD.

It's a thing called 'Best I Never Had' and it is a ballad on an epic scale as really only Beyonce can do these days.  For anyone who has ever loved someone they never could have, it will likely be QUITE MOVING INDEED.  And for anyone who has not, well, go to hell you soulless monsters.



AMAZING.

Beyonce's new video can 'Run The World' but it can't run the charts :(

I am not Shakira.

Beyonce hasn't had very many good B'Days lately, has she?

While former bandmate Kelly Rowland continues her ascent into the ranks of pop's elite, Beyonce has stumbled on...somewhat tougher times.  Anticipation was sky-high for the lead single from her new album '4,' which often leads to disappointment.  Especially when the single turns out to be a steaming heap of rabbit poo.

After landing with a resounding thud at #33 in the US and #18 in the UK, the video was delayed.  And then delayed again.  And then everyone forgot about it for a while and went out for a nice meal, and then they delayed it one more time.  But hark!  The day has arrived, o remaining three people who care!

Apparently determined to beat the apocalypse by AT LEAST ONE DAY, Beyonce has deigned to finally chuck the 'Girls' video onto the interwebs for all to see in its Pepsi-commercial-looking glory. 

It's epic, it's well done, she is "fierce" and "werk"-ing in it.  In fact, it's a very good video, if a little overblown (thanks, Lady Gaga for creating a world where EVERYTHING MUST BE A RIDICULOUS SPECTACULAR), but it's just such a shame that the song is so absolutely terrible.

BRAND NEW BEYONCE - listen to 'Girls' and tell us how crap it is

Miss Knowles hears her single for the first time and collapses in shame

It all started as a clear, fine spring day.  The birds were chirping, the air was crisp.  A feeling of hope and renewal abounded throughout the city.

Children, skipping their way to their schoolyards, smiled and laughed, laden only with the concerns of the young and innocent.

And then this happened.

 It is the new record by an artist who usually turns out TOP NOTCH CORKERS OF THE HIGHEST CALIBER.  It is the MUCH-LAUDED lead track from her upcoming, presumably all-conquering LP.  It is the song that has been teased and previewed to within an inch of its life to drum up interest.  And it is kind of crap.

To be fair, this is apparently only a demo, and the final version has been reworked by Diplo - of Britney etc. fame.  So it may turn out to be amazing in its final form.  But RIGHT NOW IT IS NOT AND THE WORLD DESERVES TO KNOW.



"not particularly good."

The best Lady Gaga/Beyonce spoof video ever in the history of everything

That is all.

In case you hadn't heard, Lady Gaga has done a video for a song called 'Telephone'

Oh you had?  Well here it is:



Some notes:

1.  Beyonce makes a very good Bettie Page
2.  By going straight from stealing chubby early 80's Madonna's look to stealing svelte early 90's Madonna's classy Blonde Ambition look, Gaga has graciously sidestepped the whole mid-80's True Blue-era cropped platinum/unruly eyebrows/"capri pants give you chubby ankles" mess
3.  For some reason we MUST have a Virgin Mobile phone now
4.  Somewhere Quentin Tarantino is rubbing one out while watching a wall of plasma screen televisions all playing this video clip on a loop
5.  Beyonce is AMAZING
6.  Lady Gaga is AMAZING
7.  This video is AMAZING

Let's see how Gaga's 'Telephone' video is shaping up (new pictures)

"very well"

Debut at 1130PM on E! on Thursday.

The Gaga/Beyonce collaboration 'Telephone' video gets a release date - watch the advert now!

We know guys, it's not out yet. We're sad too. But never fear - an ad just aired that confirms the 'Telephone' premiere will indeed occur on Thursday on E! Entertainment TV. Rejoice. Apparently the video will debut online at some point before or close to the TV premiere. Rejoice doubly.

The FIRST EVER live tv performance of Lady Gaga's 'Telephone' - watch now

We're not gonna lie, we're a little underwhelmed with Gaga's choice of 'Telephone' as a single. 

We get it- it has Beyonce, and a slightly more urban vibe, but both 'Teeth' and 'Alejandro' are far better tracks in our opinion. 


 However, live performances like this give a new life to the track, and it might just win us over yet.  Here's the very first tv performance of the track, on last night's Jonathan Ross show:



"above average"

Beyonce and Lady Gaga mess up your 'Video Phone' - watch the video now!

Ok so by now most everyone that cares has seen the 'Video Phone' er...video.  It goes without saying that the song is utter crap, but the video does have some interesting bits.  Such as:

1.  When Beyonce dances around in a Princess Leia bikini like she's in a TLC video
2.  When Lady Gaga appears for NO REASON
3.  The end bit where Beyonce looks like Bettie Page and pulls it off
4.  The blatant SuperSoaker sponsorship deal that funded this whole debacle



3/10  See me after class.

Lady Gaga's collaboration with Beyonce has just leaked and we can listen to it right now

Beyonce. Lady Gaga. Singing a song together. It is called 'Telephone' but that doesn't matter because it could be called 'Poo Loaf' and it would still be AMAZING.



Lady Gaga also sang on Beyonce's new track 'Video Phone' but it isn't nearly as good so we're ignoring that one.

'Telephone' features on Lady Gaga's 'Fame Monster' album, out Nov 23