Sky Ferreira singing something produced by Frankmusik? "Yes, please"! - listen now!

I'm not Lourdes, you assholes

Sky Ferreira, the totally underage, totally next big thing, was supposed to conquer the world on 1-11-11, when her debut album was - until recently - scheduled to be released.  Of course, not a lot of details of that original plan are available, but we have it from a reliable source that the original plot was pretty much to sell millions of downloads which would somehow turn each computer in the world into an autonomous battle machine, all of which would then unite together in battle to crush the human race and replace it with an all-powerful network of autotune plugins and install Ke$ha as Queen of the Robots until she died of raging syphilis. 

Fortunately for us that's not happening.  Instead, Sky has gone back into the studio to do some new tracks for the LP, because she's "grown musically," which actually means "the record company said my singles flopped so now I'm grounded [sad face emoticon] LOL"  etc.

We're kind of okay with that, though, since it gives the budding starlet some time to pull something genius out of her ass and live up to her MESSIAH-LIKE POTENTIAL.  Besides, it's not like she doesn't have time.  She's got a good 3 years before she has to begin her drug-fueled downward spiral and have a lesbian affair with Snooki for publicity.  And it's not like Ke$ha has anywhere to be.  In fact, this is probably good for her.  It gives us a chance to develop better and better Treponema pallidum (look it up) treatments before the robots kill off all the scientists.

Anyway, here's something to tide us all over - a good-but-not-spectacular tune produced by ScopiSat fave Frankmusik.  It's a lot more downtempo than her previous songs which is fine we guess.  But we can't help feeling like a race of self-actualized machines could probably come up with something better....



"whatever."

Kylie reveals details about what is being called the "biggest and best music show in history" - spoilers inside!

This is what it looks like when 50,000 gay men climax over their favorite pop diva

So Kylie FINALLY decided to tell everyone some details about her upcoming 'Les Folies' tour.  And - no shock here - it is going to best everything that has ever come before it, including Madonna's and Britney's shows, and even acts like U2.  It's shaping up to be the most intricate and spectacular pop show of all time and that's not even coming from us.  I mean, we totally are sure it is, but we're a little biased so we're probably not the best source of objective information.

Anyhow, K-Mo spoonfed her fans tiny tidbits in a series of "facts" posted on her Facebook page, and we have compiled them below.

Enjoy, ScopiSubjects.

FACT 1: The Les Folies tour will have the most technologically advanced and extravagant stage that has ever been built to date.
FACT 2: The tour will have 20 trucks. 10 trucks alone are going to transport the stage.
FACT 3: The stage is made of more than 1 million movable parts.
FACT 4: The stage will have seven lifts and is the best, most complex and exceptional stage that has ever been built for a venue.
ACT 5: The lighting design consists of more than 600 light sources.
FACT 6: The worldwide unique “Wet Zone” is making it possible for the audience to experience a brand new 4D show!
FACT 7: The developers of the water show at Bellagio and the Disney California Adventure theme parks are creating the water elements of the Les Folies tour. (Examples of their work here.)
FACT 8: During the show water-jets will shoot water up to 30 metres high.
FACT 9: The crew consists of more than 120 people, including 20 background dancers, musical artists and air acrobats
FACT 10: Approximately 200 costumes will be shown during the show.
FACT 11: To transport the artists quickly from A to B, a special “Fly System” has been developed which is inspired by the Spiderman Theatrical Show from Broadway.
FACT 12: The stage will look like the picture above…
FACT 13: The total weight of the stage equipment totals 45 tons.
FACT 14: The whole stage plus equipment is worth $25,000,000 US!
FACT 15: The stage has been designed by the RoadRage Group.
FACT 16: The stage is being assembled and built by TAIT Towers of Limit, the world’s biggest and best stage building company.
FACT 17: The lighting design has been created by Nick Whitehouse, who already worked with Kylie on her 2009 North American tour and KylieX2008 tour!

"ACTUALLY AMAZING"