So today the debut single from much-lauded X-Factor runner-up Cher Lloyd hit the internet, and we were all set to talk about it except it's a bit crap. So instead we're going to talk about something a lot less crap and a lot more Kelly.
Rowland, to be precise. She continues her reign of the clubs over in Europe, of course, but Stateside her handlers have insisted on taking the "urban" route. To be fair, it's a route that has worked so far, as her last single 'Motivation,' outperformed former bandmate Beyonce's 'Run The World (Girls)' by quite a margin.
Following on from her BIG AMERICAN COMEBACK, Kelly has now chucked out a tune called 'Lay It On Me,' and though it continues the urban vibe set by her last single, 'Lay' is thankfully a little more pop. It features Big Sean (yeah, we don't know either) and is considerably less crap than many of the songs currently troubling the radio dial.
Apparently there's an album coming sometime soon, and with songs like this we're starting to very much look forward to it.
Ok so Nicola’s single has debuted at a lowly number 27 but there is NO REASON TO PANIC.
You see, Nicola (read: Nicola’s handlers) has a plan. A plan that probably didn’t include a barely-top-thirty debut, but a plan nonetheless. It’s a plan that hops on the relatively untested on-air/on-sale model of selling a record, which has come into existence to battle the marauding troupes of music-plundering pirates roaming the interweb seas, and is accordingly either insane or brilliant or both at the same time.
Traditionally, a song would go to radio a few weeks before its release, then a video would come out just as the single hit stores, and all of the pent up consumer demand would lead to a healthy peak position and all the GLORIOUS HEADLINES AND SHOWERINGS OF PRAISE that came with it. But then the evil pirates came, with their Limewires and their torrents, and EVERYTHING CHANGED. The throngs of music listeners became increasingly agitated that they could not own songs that they so very much loved until the “official release date,” so they began seeking out illegal copies. And also a lot of people just wanted their music for free, but we’re fixing that (read: not fixing it at all) by arresting children and housewives and stuff. As for the impatient masses, though, record companies came up with the on-air/on-sale model, where a track is available for purchase the very instant it debuts on the radio.
Some notable artists have used the on-air/on-sale model already, but the majority of those are acts who had some sort of clout with the record buying public already - Gaga, Katy Perry, people who can shift records based on their name alone. So what to do with an artist like poor ginger Nic? No one is going to buy the debut solo track of a girl who was in a band without hearing it first – especially after the whole Nadine debacle (sad face) – so it would be unreasonable to expect an impressive chart placing after only a few days at radio.
But on the flip side, postponing the release could lead to some of those who want the track downloading it illegally, costing the label the revenue from those sales. So the record company had a choice – either sacrifice a decent chart debut and risk the headlines proclaiming Nicola’s solo career a flop before it had even begun, or make a few hundred extra pounds off of some £0.79 downloads.
And we all know which one they chose.
BUT FEAR NOT, SCOPISUBJECTS – for the “men upstairs” have thought this all through. For you see, Nicola's number-twenty-seven-charting 'Beat Of My Drum' is more of a “buzz single” than a "proper single, and is only intended to drum up interest for the NEXT single, which will have the brand recognition created by this one behind it. And THAT ONE (not THIS ONE) is the single that will properly launch the album, and be the one that everyone should care about.
So in essence, according to the record company, who is always honest and forthcoming and infallible in every way, “everything is fine and this isn’t a disaster because we all knew it wouldn’t be a hit anyway because it was never intended to be, unless when it’s actually released it BECOMES a hit, in which case that’s what we always intended and we’re very glad it turned out just as we had planned.”
Just so we’re clear on that. But the one thing we're not clear on still is whether the new on-air/on-sale model is a wise move for artists like Nicola, or should be confined to established acts who can sell records even without heavy airplay and weeks of promotion. Is it really worth sacrificing a top ten chart position for a few extra pennies? Or would a chart-storming debut create better buzz for the album and future singles than does a couple low-selling weeks of extra availability? We tend to think the latter, but we're sure whoever does the books at Music Accounting Towers would disagree.
However this whole thing turns out, though, we’d just like to point out that this album is shaping up to be a genuine masterpiece of pop, in a way that is deeply, deeply exciting. In fact, we'll go so far as to say tat all signs are pointing to it being the genre-defining record of the year that Gaga thought she was making but wasn’t. And no number 27 chart debut can take that away.
KATY PERRY KNOWS HOW TO MAKE A VIDEO AND THIS IS SOMETHING WE NEED TO ALL ACCEPT.
Ok we know we've been kind of hard on Katy, but we think that if we are all honest with ourselves we know exactly why. She's always come off kind of snotty, and had a forced "OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I'M SUPER FUN AND WILL PROBABLY GIVE YOU A HANDY-J IF YOU BUY ME SHOTS" vibe. Plus she married that hairy scarecrow thing.
So it has been with a certain amount of dismay and dread that we have watched the whole promo campaign for 'Last Friday Night' unfold. First there was the literally epic single cover that showed up on "the blogs." Then there was the cute little teaser that introduced the world to KP's alter ego - the nerdy outcast with thousands of dollars of corrective dental gear named Katy Beth Terry. We knew the day would come when the video would come out in full, and that on that day our WORLD AS WE KNEW IT MAY BE CHANGED FOREVER.
And today, dear readers, is that day.
For there are a lot of amazing things in this song, and more importantly there are a lot of amazing things happening in this video. In fact, a rather large proportion of all the things in the video clip are actually amazing. 95%, to be exact.
There is the wheelchair kid from Glee who somehow learned how to walk for this clip, there is Hanson, there is DEBBIE GIBSON, there is Kenny G, and in a SURPRISE TWIST there is Katy Perry being an actually tolerable person.
So however we feel about Madonna-mantis nowadays, no one can deny that she had some DEFINITE JAMS. One of our favorites of the above-mentioned jams was a 1983 tune called 'Burnin Up,' which was actually Madge's first ever single. It didn't dent the Hot 100, but did peak in the top 3 of the dance charts, and set the Material Monster up for her worldwide dominance that she enjoys from her macrobiotic oxygen pod today.
So when we heard that Britney was planning a cover of the song we were understandably VERY EXCITED. And then we heard a clip and we were VERY VERY EXCITED. And now the full version has leaked and it is KIND OF AMAZING.
Sure, it sounds like a b-side, and yeah it doesn't top the original, but who here really expected that it would? The answer is no one.
The Wanted's new song is a step in a very "now" direction, but while many artists and groups are ruined by blindly following trends, it just so happens that the club-banger-hands-in-the-air thing suits the boys from the band very well indeed.
We first brought you the sexual pun of a song a couple weeks ago, and now the gents have ramped up promotion for the tune with a music video. It all starts off with some big titles in white letters and then some shots of the guys in the band and then some more letters and HOLY SHIT THEY'RE NAKED.
We first told you about Florrie quite a while back, just about when she chucked out the ACTUALLY AMAZING 'Summer Nights' - which incidentally has been getting us through some STANK-ASS HOT Summer Nights here in New York City lately.
With the news that she would be releasing a new EP of tracks this summer we decided that now was as good a time as any to revisit the subject of her as an artist, so, as any good music writer would do, we spent 2 minutes on Wikipedia reading about things that people say that she has done that may or may not have happened. And we found many (read: not many) things. Such as the following...
Some fun facts about Florrie "the artist":
1. She was the house drummer for Xenomania (amazing)
Some fun facts about Florrie's music:
1. IT IS VERY GOOD (amazing)
Some fun facts about Florrie's new video:
1. It is very good in the way that a more talented version of January Jones writhing around a soundstage in black and white would be good (amazing?)
And that's all we really have to say about that.
'Experimenting' is off Florrie's upcoming second EP, which will be out on June 14
It's quite a good time to be a ginger, isn't it? Nicola is gearing up to lord over the pop landscape, Flo-Mo is holding down the indie side of things, and last we saw, Rihanna still refused to rinse the neon Kool-Aid out of her hair.
Obviously (read: not at all obvious and, in fact, quite unlikely) seizing on this GINGER REVOLUTION, Miss Machine has opted to release a brand new song. It continues the Flo's tradition of chucking out tunes that are quite good, though some of that can be put down to the fact that it was first done by a bona fide pop icon by the name of Buddy Holly who was so awesome that Weezer did a song about him.
The whole thing is in aid of this Buddy Holly covers album thing that is happening, so unfortunately this doesn't signal an impending new Florence album, but we'll take what we can get as gingers are notoriously thrifty with their musical output.
Seriously, when was the last time Ginger Spice put out a song?
We have sort of a love/hate relationship with Katy Perry. In fact, you might say that our feelings toward her are Hot and Cold (Ed Note: this is terrible. DELETE.). But not only is her new song 'Last Friday Night' kind of great, she's begun teasing what promises to be a genuinely amusing clip for the new single. This is VERY DISCONCERTING for us, as we were quite comfortable in our haughty disdain for the sugary starlet.
While she never took herself seriously in the way Gaga has of late ("EVERYTHING I SAY IS VERY IMPORTANT "), KP always gave off the impression that she took not taking herself seriously very seriously ("NOTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT AND IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU KNOW I THINK THAT") which is maybe even more annoying. Because, as any kid on a family vacation to a water park can tell you, forced fun is infinitely worse than no fun at all.
But here we have Katy "bringing the LOLz" and such, and that throws a giant glittery monkeywrench in our Well-Oiled Machine of Largely Unwarranted Hate. And we will never forgive her for making us like her.
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