Madonna GOES FOR THE GAYS with 'Girl Gone Wild' video - watch the teaser now!

I'm like your grandma.  But naked.

So not everyone (read: almost no one) was super pleased with Madge-mantis' BIG COMEBACK SINGLE 'Give Me All Your Luvin,' and after it made its one-and-done appearance on the US charts and epically flopped in the UK, all the new album's hopes were pinned on the second track from her new LP.  

The track is called 'Girl Gone Wild' and it is kind of a shitshow.  It's essentially a retread of 'Celebration' (both songs were done by Benny Bennassi) and manages to sound both over- and under-produced at the same time.  It's a bit behind the curve of the whole "dance revolution" that has taken over the pop world, but to be fair it has some stomping remixes to accompany it so not everything is lost and it might just rule the clubs for a good few months.

While its chart prospects may be in doubt, we're not sure that was ever the point.  Because what we are sure of is that this is not a track intended to appeal to the mainstream.  Like, at all.  Madonna knows that her only remaining hardcore fan-base is THE GAYS, and anyone with one or more gay as a Facebook friend knows that the second this came out they were ALL OVER IT in epic fashion, tossing all the "werk"s and "furrce"s they could muster at it even though it is terrible.

If that wasn't sign enough that this track is squarely aimed at the confirmed bachelors of the world, we also have handy proof in the video teaser for the clip which showed up online today.  It's all Kazaky-ish abs-and-pecs madness with guy-on-guy action and quick black and white cuts (courtesy of the literally awesome photo team Mert & Marcus of Vogue, W, and general Conde Nast-y fame) and the whole thing would be RATHER SHOCKING INDEED if this was 2003 and if Lady Gaga never happened.

Also Madonna fingers herself in the preview.  Because of course she does.

'Girl Gone Wild' is out now for download and is....not doing well.  But when you're selling out 100,000-capacity stadiums at $400 a pop and boatloads of albums, who cares about putting out a relevant single?

Not Madonna.  Because fuck you she's Madonna.

As a caveat to all of this, however, the rest of the album is kind of brilliant in an epic sense - which actually just angers us more because OF ALL THE TRACKS SHE COULD HAVE CHOSEN WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THIS GARBAGE?


Madonna - Girl Gone Wild (Teaser) from Roberto on Vimeo.

Ladyhawke is back with Black White & Blue - watch the premiere now!

"I'm prettier when you can't see my teeth."

So last night some lady sang some songs at the World Bowling Championship or something and it was VERY VERY GOOD even though the whole opening was ripped off Kylie's 'Aphrodite' Tour in a shockingly blatant way.  But today life must go on and SO IT DOES in the form of a rather brilliant track by retro-svengali Ladyhawke.

It's called Black White & Blue and is an obvious play on the AMERICA F*CK YEAH theme but also on bruising (?) but most importantly it is a LITTLE BIT TREMENDOUS. 

Equally tremendous is the video for the song, which is all retro-chic with soft lighting, late-70's pastels and a kind of awkward photo shoot that feels a bit like when your uncle used to make you bounce on his knee even though he wasn't really your uncle, just some guy your dad knew from the bar, and also the fact that you were 16. 

Anyway, the video is really good and even though everyone is still talking about Madge's all-conquering halftime show, it deserves some goddamn recognition.

MADONNA'S SINGLE COVER IS AMAZING - album/single press release ahoy!

This is what we in the business call a "brilliant single cover"

So Madge-Mantis is gearing up for her first studio album since the...less than spectacular 'Hard Candy,' and if the promo campaign for the record is anything to go by, that LP's relative failure taught Miss M some Hard lessons.  (Ed:  groan.)

First, Madonna's wisely moved up the availability date of the track on iTunes.  Originally it was slated to be available on February 7, two whole days after her Superbowl performance.  It might be a reflection of the terrifyingly fast-moving world we now live in, but those two days could have (likely would have) meant the difference between possibly having a chart-topping hit for the first time since 'Music' way back in 2001, and everyone forgetting that the song even exists.

The revised plan is now for the video to debut during American Idol on Feb. 2, the track will be available from iTunes on Feb. 3, and any pre-orders of the album made between Feb. 3 and Feb. 6 will come with a free download of the single and remix.

The second big piece of information the Evil Queen has deigned to give us is that the album will feature no less than EIGHTEEN TRACKS (amazing, unless half of them or filler which - let's be honest - they very well might be) from the likes of William Orbit, her 'Ray of Light' collaborator, Martin Solveig, The Demolition Crew, Marco “Benny” Benassi and Alessandro “Alle” Benassi, Hardy “Indiigo” Muanza, Michael Malih and of course at least one written by Madonna - presumably her Elton John/David Furnish-incensing 'Masterpiece' from her film 'W.E.'

To be fair we haven't been this excited about a Madonna project since 'Confessions on a Dancefloor' came out, so fingers crossed that everything goes right.  But with a killer single (and flat out amazing single cover) and the most prime promo gigs available, we're not too worried.  And we imagine neither is she.


Here's a promo for the video that includes approximately 2.3 seconds of the clip in seizure-like flashes:



Yes.

BRITNEY'S BRAND NEW MADONNA COVER IS AMAZING - Listen to 'Burnin Up' in full

oh hello.

So however we feel about Madonna-mantis nowadays, no one can deny that she had some DEFINITE JAMS.  One of our favorites of the above-mentioned jams was a 1983 tune called 'Burnin Up,' which was actually Madge's first ever single.  It didn't dent the Hot 100, but did peak in the top 3 of the dance charts, and set the Material Monster up for her worldwide dominance that she enjoys from her macrobiotic oxygen pod today.

So when we heard that Britney was planning a cover of the song we were understandably VERY EXCITED.  And then we heard a clip and we were VERY VERY EXCITED.  And now the full version has leaked and it is KIND OF AMAZING.

Sure, it sounds like a b-side, and yeah it doesn't top the original, but who here really expected that it would?  The answer is no one.

But it's still amazing.

Lady Gaga teases us with her 'Alejandro' video - watch the exclusive clip now!

Lady Gaga went on (of all places) Larry King Live last night to talk about her health, Michael Jackson, and her new video 'Alejandro.' Contrary to reports prior to the show, she did not premiere the whole clip, but instead offered an odd sort of teaser. It's short (as teasers are, we suppose) and gives some idea what exactly might be in store. It's a whole black and white stylish affair that brings to mind Madonna's 'Vogue' and 'Justify My Love' clips. Funnily enough, Gaga's current incarnation seems to be a pretty by the book restyling of Madge's early 90's 'Erotica' phase. Severe makeup, art deco influences (round glasses much?) and a dash of the 1930's. The video is, thankfully, stripped down a bit from her usual wackiness, but as we pointed out when the 'Telephone' video premiered, she seems to just be progressing chronologically through Madonna's various career incarnations. Let's take a look, shall we?

Could a short pixie cut be next? Judging by her 'performance' in 'Telephone,' lets just hope she doesn't get the acting bug... 'Body of Evidence,' anyone?

Still, we're pretty darn excited, as despite any feeling as to Gaga's current career choices the video itself looks pretty great. What do you readers think?

Can we just talk about Madonna's 'Interview' cover shoot? Watch the video now!

Rejoice, cougars of the world, for we now live in a time where we can all age in reverse and miraculously appear EXACTLY THE SAME as we did in 1991.  Don't believe us?  Witness the new cover and photo shoot for Madonna-mantis' 'Interview' spread below...

Interestingly, we're also apparently still co-opting Catholic imagery and using it in "sexy ways" as a kind of "fuck you" to the church because they totally don't have any problems or detractors or molestation issues already.

 Anyway, here's Madge and her Golem-arms fellating a crucifix in her Depends.  JUST LIKE IN 1991 except YOUNGER and with the distinct odor of Aspirin and pee.  Our guess is that, in her advanced years, Mantis has literally forgotten that any of this happened before, and one night awoke in her cryo-chamber believing wholeheartedly that the hazy memories in her dementia-riddled mind were actually the seeds of a BRILLIANTLY GROUNDBREAKING IDEA.

:(



"unnatural"

Who wants to see Sue Sylvester in full on 'Vogue' regalia for 'Glee'?

The 'Glee' Madonna episode just gets better and better, as pictures have leaked of none other than Sue Sylvester recreating the iconic imagery of 1990's 'Vogue.'  What do you readers think of how 'Sue C's It'?

  I think we can all agree, this is not terrible.

Who wants to hear Glee do Madonna? Watch the video now!

On April 20th something VERY AMAZING will happen. It doesn't sound as good to break it down - essentially some adults playing children will be singing the songs of a woman who is old enough to be their grandmother but dresses like she is 19. See, not as good right. But still, Gleeks rejoice, as we witness the sampler of the Glee kids singing Madonna's repertoire of some of the best pop hits of all time.

The episode will get its own album (conveniently available on for preorder on iTunes), but here are clips of the highlights:





"Phenomenal."

Watch Sue Sylvester don a Madonna cone bra in the preview for upcoming all-Madge 'Glee!'

How excited are we about the impending return of 'Glee?'  The answer is very.  Add Madonna into the mix and we're absolutely foaming at the mouth.  Here's a little preview, courtesy of Entertainment Tonight:




***warning to British viewers, the clip contains spoilers from the first series




"Exciting."

Who wants to hear a new Madonna track? (new song)

Ok so it's not exactly NEW...  'Across The Sky' was recorded during the 'Hard Candy' sessions and features vocals from Justin Timberlake.  It's alright, as it goes, but we'd love to hear what sound Madge is going to come up with next.  The youth-clinging R&B swagger isn't doing it for us...

Madonna's new single is a 'Revolver' - listen to the remix now!

For Madonna's next single off her 'Celebration' package, Mantis-arms has tapped production genius David Guetta to rework 'Revolver.'  It sounds like a Britney track, feels like a hit, and still will probably peak somewhere below number 70.  But hey, it's all about album sales these days isn't it... The best part about the remix is the lack of Lil' Wayne's rap which plagues the original. 



No word on a physical release for the single, but 'Celebration' is out now in a variety of formats and track listings

Barbra kicks the pants off Mariah and Madonna on the US album charts

Diva War '09 has come to a close, and I think we'll all agree the result is somewhat unexpected.   A 67 year old just beat Mariah to the Billboard 200 pole position by quite a few copies, and beat Madonna by a few hundred cargo ships full.  Not only that, but Mariah got beat by emo band Paramore.  Last go-round Ms. Carey bowed with about 400k in her first week, but she's clearly off her game, only managing to pawn off 168k.  Madonna, meanwhile, is way down at 7, which isn't tragic for a greatest hits package, most of which has been released in greatest hits form already.  So that's done and dusted then. 

Chart Chat UK: October 4, 2009

This week is boring.  Taio Cruz holds tight at the top, Shakira stays put at 4, and the only real movement is at the bottom of the top ten.  Temper Trap hops into the number 7 position, with their slow-burning single 'Sweet Disposition.'  Pitbull grabs another hit, as 'Hotel Room Service' gets delivered at 9, and Dizzee Rascal's 'Dirtee Cash' rings up at 10.  Down at 14, Madonna continues her slide down the hooker pole with her latest, as all the focus has been pushed to the decent selling album.  La Roux, while flopping at 27 with the full release of 'I'm Not Your Toy,' doesn't take the honors of the biggest failure of the week.  That title goes to Natalie Imbruglia, whose electro-Coldplay comeback doesn't even make the top 40 despite the song being LITERALLY AMAZING.  Radio just didn't support this one at all.  Shame, programmers.  Shame. 

The UK Top Ten:
1 - Taio Cruz: Break Your Heart
2 - Jay-Z ft Alicia Keyes: Empire State of Mind
3 - David Guetta Ft Akon: Sexy Chick
4 - Shakira: She Wolf
5 - Black Eyed Peas: I Gotta Feeling
6 - Jay-Z ft Rihanna & Kanye West
7 - Temper Trap: Sweet Disposition
8 - Pixie Lott: Boys & Girls
9 - Pitbull: Hotel Room Service
10-Dizzee Rascal: Dirtee Cash

Madonna meets Gaga on SNL (video)

It was bound to happen.  Everyone knew it would.  With all the praise-heaping and ego stroking these two have done lately, they were destined to meet in a spectacular fashion, and what better way than in a dodgy SNL skit with bad lines and wooden acting? 



If you want something ACTUALLY funny, check out Gaga's Andy Samberg encounter:

Madonna matches Elvis' record, behind only the Beatles

This week, Madonna's new greatest hits package bowed at Number 1 in the UK, giving her 11 chart-topping albums there. That ties the record Elvis set (rather, his estate set) in 2008 with 'The King.' That leaves her only behind the Beatles, whose 15 number 1 albums make them the most successful act in the history of the albums chart.
Mantis-arms has found much greater success across the pond than in her native country, as she only has 7 U.S. chart topping albums. That leaves her in a tie for 7th, with Led Zepplin and U2. That all may change this coming week when 'Celebration' gets released stateside, but considering the tepid response so far, fans shouldn't be too hopeful. No reason to pout, though. Sales should be strong through the holidays, and after only a week the package has already gone gold in England and platinum in Finland.

Chart Chat UK, September 27, 2009

The top two stays the same this week, as both Taio Cruz and David Guetta hold steady at 1 and 2 respectively. At 3, Jay-Z and Alicia Keys leap up 12 places with 'Empire State of Mind', and kick Madonna all the way down to 8 with her latest, 'Celebration.' Shakira edges up a spot with 'She Wolf,' flip-flopping with Jay-Z's last hit, 'Run This Town,' which hangs on at 5 and gives Mr. -Z his second top five hit this week. The Black Eyed Peas refuse to let go of their chart death-grip (which is thankfully less severe than in the U.S. where they have spent a full 6 months at the top with their last two tracks), and back up the chart to 6. Mini Viva hangs on to a top ten placing for one more week, as 'Left My Heart In Tokyo' slides to 10. I think everyone was a bit surprised at its success, and more so at its staying power. Our first new entry is at 11, as Dizzee Rascal continues his chart onslaught with 'Dirtee Cash.' The song isn't even an official single yet, but its impending release has set downloaders' hearts aflutter. My guess is this song's future is looking rather good. At 12 we find Temper Trap, with their lovely 'Sweet Disposition' pushing up another few places. The Australian band may just crack the top ten if this unconventional chart trajectory continues. Released all the back in 2008, 'Disposition' this week manages its highest chart placing yet. Not a lot else is going on, save for the number 35 entry for new Sugababes member Jade Ewen. With all the 'babes drama, this single was more or less dumped - its release more a contractual obligation than an effort to have a hit - so a top 40 placing isn't the end of the world. Jade just recorded vocals on the Sugababes next single, which in our opinion is one of their best yet, so Ms. Ewen has nothing to worry about.


The UK Top 10:

1 - Taio Cruz: Break Your Heart
2 - David Guetta ft Akon: Sexy Chick
3 - Jay-Z ft Alicia Keys: Empire State of Mind
4 - Shakira: She Wolf
5 - Jay-Z ft Rihanna & Kanye West: Run This Town
6 - Black Eyed Peas: I Gotta Feeling
7 - Pixie Lott: Boys & Girls
8 - Madonna: Celebration
9 - Dizzee Rascal: Holiday
10-Mini Viva: Left My Heart in Tokyo

Chart Chat UK: September 20, 2009

This week there's lots of action on the chart, as we have a new number 1, a missed opportunity, and an up-and-comer. First up is Taio Cruz with his new single 'Break Your Heart.' Taio is a busy man - he's reportedly working with Kylie and Leona and everyone else under the sun - but even with all that going on he has managed to bag his first chart topper. Not so lucky is our number 3 entry. Madonna's had a lot more luck over in the UK than she has in her home country, where she releases singles more as concert promotions rather than to become hits in their own right. In the UK, however, she has been enjoying some the biggest hits of her career. In the past eleven years every one of her album's lead singles have hit the top, save 'American Life' (which hit number 2 in 2003). All that means that 'Celebration' becomes her lowest-charting lead single since 'Evita's' 'You Must Love Me.' Number 3 is nothing to sniff at, especially for an artist that has been going at it for as long as she, but one can't help but feel this track just isn't resonating with listeners as well as hoped. Number 5 finds quite the opposite situation, as Shakira racks up her sixth top ten. Leaping twenty places this week, 'She Wolf' is a solid bet to become her second chart topper after its full physical release this coming week. Pixie Lott tumbles all the way down to 6 from 1, but she shouldn't be too upset with this result. What's really going on is everyone stopped buying the single and started buying the album, which bows at 6 on the album chart this week. ScopiSat faves Mini Viva hang in there at 9, and Sugababes manage another week in the top ten despite my predictions of a swift demise. With all the rumors of a lineup change, perhaps the single got a sales bump from the idea this may be the last chance to buy a 'Babes track in this incarnation. The rest of the chart is pretty quiet, save an honorable mention for Little Boots, whose 'Remedy' maintains a slow descent at 13, and the appearance of what will surely be a huge hit for Jay-Z and Alicia Keys. 'Empire State of Mind' debuts at 15 this week solely off the back of the duo's US MTV Video Music Awards performance, giving Jay-Z two hits in the top 20 this week. With a full single campaign in the works, it would be very very foolish to expect anything less than chart greatness from this track.

The UK Top Ten:
1 - Taio Cruz: Break Your Heart
2 - David Guetta ft Akon: Sexy Chick
3 - Madonna: Celebration
4 - Jay-Z ft Rihanna & Kanye West: Run This Town
5 - Shakira: She Wolf
6 - Pixie Lott: Boys & Girls
7 - Black Eyed Peas: I Gotta Feeling
8 - Dizzee Rascal: Holiday
9 - Mini Viva: Left My Heart in Tokyo
10- Sugababes: Get Sexy

The second Madonna 'Celebration' video is very good isn't it

Madonna - Celebration (Fan Version) Video by Madonna - MySpace Video

Yes. It is.

Listen to Madonna's new full leaked track 'Revolver' ft Lil Wayne

A new Madonna song has surfaced and it is both crap and amazing. It is amazing because it is Madonna but sounds like Britney or Rihanna without being terribly unoriginal. It is crap because...well because of Lil Wayne. As a whole the track is overwrought, overproduced, and nothing we haven't heard before. But somehow (read: because it is Madonna and she's had some practice at this sort of thing) it ultimately ends up a fantastic anthem that is literally begging to be a single.




'Revolver' features on Madonna's new greatest hits, out Sept 29

Madonna hits 40....number 1's

If Mantis-arms continues at this pace, her tally of number ones will soon match her age. And that's a LOT.

Billboard's Chart Beat this week focuses solely on Madonna and her quite extraordinary feat of achieving 40...FORTY number ones on the Dance/Club Play Chart. Fittingly, the song that rounded out her total is 'Celebration,' a track off her forthcoming greatest hits that is heavily influenced by her career's greatest chart toppers. In all honesty it is quite an amazing record. That's forty individual songs that have at one time or another been the absolute biggest dance song in the entire country. So, hats (or dancing shoes or whatever) off to you, Madge....why don't you go work out or something to celebrate. You clearly have been slacking off.

Billboard's Chart Beat has a nice rundown of all Madonna's hits with dates and chart positions and all that music-nerd stuff that people like us TOTALLY get off on, so head over to their site and check it out.