Melanie C's new single is confusing - watch the premiere of the 'Rock Me' video now!

"not a lesbian"

Melanie C was a Spice Girl and then she wasn't.  She was a solo dance-pop star and then she wasn't.  Most recently, though, Mel was a sort of indie-rock chick, but if her new single is anything to go by, NOW SHE ISN'T.

If all of this flip-flopping leaves you a bit confused as to what Melanie "is," exactly, we don't blame you, and it certainly doesn't help matters that the single that is meant to announce to the world that she is NO LONGER "ROCK" is ACTUALLY CALLED 'ROCK ME.'

But her management's utter lack of situational awareness aside, C's new track is actually kind of a jam.  Not a "this will be huge" jam, though.  More of a "this would have been huge if it had been recorded by Kelly Clarkson in 2004," or perhaps more accurately, "by Sophie Ellis-Bextor when she was, you know, popular," kind of jam.

As for the video, it's nothing spectacular. Since the song will be used as the theme for the upcoming FIFA womens' soccer/football competition, there are lots of soccer-y people doing soccer-y things which is all well and good, but we don't even get to see them until like a minute into the clip after Mel has firmly established that she should NEVER AGAIN BE ALLOWED TO DANCE UNDER ANY SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES. 



"Meh."

ATTENTION EVERYONE: THIS IS THE NEW BRITNEY SINGLE ARTWORK

We will let you come to your own conclusion, as long as that conclusion is that IT IS TERRIBLE.

Thank god the song is still amazing.

The Nicola 'Beat Of My Drum' video is here and it is ridiculously good

#TeamGinger

So the new Nicola single is PROPERLY OUT now, and the breakdown of reactions goes something like this...

...except the uneaten pie stands for people who love the song and the small, sad, eaten portion stands for people who obviously have no taste in music and therefore do not enjoy the tune in the least.  And also just had a LOT of empty calories.

Though it's been out only a couple hours, 'Beat' is already in the Top 20 of iTunes, so apparently the large number of people who love the song are also the same people who are the sort to legally download a track that they like, which is definitely good news for everyone on Team Ginger.

The bigger news, however, is that ahead of its "official debut" tomorrow, the video has already found its way onto the interwebs.  And it is what we term a RESOUNDING TRIUMPH.

It's obviously made "on a bit of a budget" but is a perfect example of how natural charisma and a few fun and unique ideas can do quite a lot with very little.  In fact, it has more spunk and energy than most any of the videos coming from the big stars these days.  It's free from the overblown audacity that has become a near requisite element of post-Gaga music video making, and it is all the better for it.

There is no sweeping camera work, no "bigger is better" explosions or giant dance club scenes for no reason - it's just a girl with a ton of talent doing what she does best in front of a filming crew.  The viewer is left with the (correct) impression that Nicola is in fact the MAIN EVENT of the video, and we should all be grateful for this.  With a tiny flip of her hair and a few dance moves that look as effortless as they are well executed, Nic is shaping up to be "the real deal" and all the other divas out there who rely on tricks and big budgets and all manner of unshockingly-shocking antics should be VERY WORRIED INDEED.

Nicola Roberts is the new pop diva to watch out for - listen to the premiere of debut solo single 'Beat Of My Drum' now!

And THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is how you make an epic single cover

Nicola Roberts was always the sort of forgotten one in Girls Aloud - well, along with all the other ones who weren't Cheryl Cole.  But then she got kind of fashionable and then she got kind of fierce and with the debut just now of her first solo track, she also has VERY PROMISING MUSICAL OUTPUT.

Produced by some people that did things for Goldfrapp and a guy that made Britney sound like she gave a shit, 'Beat Of My Drum' does a great job of introducing Nicola as one of the very few artists who are not afraid to chuck out something that sounds completely different to everything else that is on the radio.

It's urgent, it's frantic, it's a barely-contained hurricane of beats and samples, but every time it verges on getting a little too messy it pulls it back and dives head-first into a brilliantly catchy chorus.  It does just what a great debut pop single should do - it pushes the boundaries but doesn't go over them, guides the conversation instead of just being part of it, and it makes a GIANT FLASHING NEON STATEMENT to the throngs of pop plebs chomping at the bit.

And that statement is: "Nicola is about to be huge."



"Wicked."

Jesus, the new Beyonce is really good - listen to the premiere now!

Bitch please, y'all thought I wasn't gonna come back bigger and better?

Ok we were more than a little bit worried there for a bit - 'Run The World (Girls)' was at best a mess, and at worst a human tragedy on par with one of those stories from India that are like 'MOTORCYCLE CRASH KILLS 12,000' or something.  

But, with 'Run' languishing in the depths of the charts even after a number of high-profile promo attempts, B's people have smartened up and begun preparing the next wave of Beyonce's '4' album campaign.

AND IT IS VERY VERY GOOD.

It's a thing called 'Best I Never Had' and it is a ballad on an epic scale as really only Beyonce can do these days.  For anyone who has ever loved someone they never could have, it will likely be QUITE MOVING INDEED.  And for anyone who has not, well, go to hell you soulless monsters.



AMAZING.

Joe Jonas is gonna try to knock Justin Timberlake's pop prince tiara off with 'See No More'

"I AM QUITE SEXY"

Once upon a time, in a land far away - unless you live in Los Angeles, in which case much of this actually happened quite nearby - there was a young boy named Joe.  

Joe was adorable and precocious, and had two brothers, each nearly as adorable and precocious as he.  Except for one of them who was kind of fugly.

They lived a happy life in New Jersey, to the extent that living a happy life in New Jersey is possible, but always dreamed of something more.  Joe, in particular, could often be found sitting atop a garbage heap, gazing at the petrochemical factory fumes and daydreaming of a world where he could roam free and be independent and date hot chicks so people wouldn't think he was gay cause he TOTALLY WASN'T GAY.

One day the boys went into the local market to buy some magic beans or something, and there they found a music store.  At the shop owner's prodding, the three boys picked up some instruments, and after finding that they were actually quite good, decided to start a "music band."  They laughed and played and strummed on their instruments in blissful ignorance of the world around them, until a humble talent scout from the distant shire of Hollywood Recordsville heard news of this talented threesome and set off to acquire them for his master's court of internationally popular jesters.

Through child labor laws and nosy parents with their kids' "best interest" at heart, the humble talent scout trekked in his pursuit of Joe and his kin.  And when finally he reached his goal, the boys were better than he had ever dreamed.  "Talented!" he exclaimed, "and adorable!" he chimed, and with a greedy glint in his eye he locked Joe and the boys up in a rather fabulous birdcage from Anthropologie, and stole away into the night.

For years the boys were held captive, forced to play their instruments and dance in a chastely sexual way for the scout's master.  Until one day Joe stood up to the master (Joe was always the brave one) and shouted "NO MORE!  I AM STRIKING OUT ON MY OWN, FOR I DO NOT NEED YOU!"

The master flew into a rage at this outburst, and screamed "you'll never make it on your own!  Boys like you never make it on your own!" and stared a demonic stare that would instill terror in all but the mightiest warriors.  But Joe could not be cowered.  He tightened his fists, and closed his eyes, and in a calm, steady voice replied "but master, what of Michael Jackson?  And of Justin Timberlake?  And of the fat one from Take That who made handbags for a while or whatever?"

At this, the master chortled into his man-cleavage, confident that he had the upper hand.  "Joe, my boy, those jesters all had killer debut solo singles.  You're just out of your league.  Stay here, in my terrifyingly Disney-esque castle and play crap music for teenagers with your brothers."

And then Joe, unmoved by the master's intimidation, took a deep breath, whipped this out and said "suck it, master.  I'm a fucking pop star now."

It's a Kylie kind of weekend - listen to the full version of the brand new track 'Silence' now!

'I think I got some Ke$ha in my teeth'

Well we're just getting spoiled now - not only have some spectacular mixes of new single 'Put Your Hands Up' leaked, but now we can hear the complete version of the B-side.  It's a new track called 'Silence' and it is RATHER BRILLIANT.

It's considerably darker sounding than K-Mo's 'Aphrodite' LP, which may be why it was rejected from the final track listing.  While it's still a FULL ON DANCE FLOOR CORKER, it's a good deal less sparkly and glittery.  It replaces the sunshine and unicorns of the album with a menacing and more organic vibe, and features the slightly genius pop lyric 'I understand you in the silence so there is no need to say a word; It feels so right you can't deny it, the best is what you haven't heard.' 

VERY GOOD INDEED.

FREE DOWNLOAD - Get a ragingly awesome mix of Kylie's new single 'Put Your Hands Up' now!

fact.

Despite telling everyone that there would be no more singles released from the Aphrodite album, our K-Mo has only gone ahead and commissioned a load of mixes for 'Put Your Hands Up' and is preparing to service them to radio and download outlets.  Which, according to the generally accepted industry standard, will make it an ACTUAL SINGLE and therefore also make Kylie a LYING JEZEBEL who can never be trusted.

But when we get output as golden as this, what's a little lack of trust between friends?

The Basto's Major Mayhem Edit received its first premiere on the UK's Gaydar Radio a short time ago, and a DJ by the name of DJScorpio has made a quite decent re-edit of it (taking out the British person speaking over the beginning, for instance).

The Mayhem Edit itself is a brilliant rework of the tune, and would probably do some significant chart damage as the worldwide official single mix.  Which, considering the debacle that has been Kylie's European promotion lately, means this version will be stuck on some random EP or only released to radio stations in South Africa or something.  So maybe it won't (but hopefully it does) get the exposure it deserves, but luckily for all you ScopiSubjects you can download it now for ABSOLUTELY FREE.

Happy Summer, everyone.

  Put Your Hands Up (Djscorpio's Basto's Major Mayhem Edit Re-edit) by djscorpio-lmn