Jailbait Boyband Ahoy - here's the One Direction album sampler!

Not an American Eagle ad.

So One Direction came in third place in the UK X Factor, but by all accounts have done QUITE WELL since then.  They signed a £2 million record contract with SyCo Music, chucked out a number 1 single, and are gearing up to foist their debut album on the world.

And here's the thing - it's not crap.  Well, it's kind of crap.  But it's good, wholesome, radio-friendly crap, featuring songs written by Ed Sheeran and THE ACTUAL KELLY CLARKSON.  There are some definite jams on the record, as you can hear below, and if you can get past the fact that it's a bunch of kids who can't even get served in a pub jumping around talking about how amazing real love is, then you're a) better at ignoring logical inconsistencies than we are, and b) probably going to enjoy this record very much. 

The label certainly has a lot of faith in the band (KELLY CLARKSON!) and as evidence of that, the band - before they've released a single album - have already announced a headlining tour of the UK and Ireland.  Sure, it'll probably be in the back lot of an Asda, but come on.  How many headlining tours have YOU embarked on?

(KELLY CLARKSON!!)

Foster The People 'Call It What You Want' in new video - watch the premiere now!

Come with me, away to a place where three hot men stand in a picture and have kind of a rapey vibe

Foster the People are awesome and everyone knows it, which is probably why they have been doing QUITE WELL in "the business" lately.  This is apparent from the band's presence at the top of charts all over the place and their high profile appearances on shows like SNL, but perhaps most obvious from the fact that their new video clip has a VERY BIG BUDGET.

It's all shiny and pretty and well-lit, and is also interesting and playful and fun to watch.  In short, it is a very good music video.

Here are some things about it:

1.  There are four giant golden fists in it which, much to our dismay, were not used for actual fisting at any point during the clip.
2.  The band hangs around a super nice house and destroys parts of it, which probably means that they won't be invited back so don't be holding your breath for a sequel video
3.  The clip features all sorts of nonsensical still-lifes, like a band member sitting on a couch holding an umbrella even though he is inside (whimsical!), and one of the band with his head in a fishbowl while the fish flops around desperately on the ground (MURDER!)
4.  There is some text at the bottom of the screen sometimes but you don't need to concern yourself with that because it doesn't really advance the "plot" of the video very much at all so if you are at work or something and you have to watch the clip in a tiny window and keep minimizing it because you think you hear your boss shuffling down the hallway in that way she does because she insists on not doing up her shoes because she's always trying to prove how "laid back" she is and how she's just "one of you guys, dudes", then don't worry because you won't be missing much.  But it's still a fun read if you have a few minutes
5.  Several (all) of the band are VERY HOT.
6.  Altogether the video is, as we said before, what we call "a very good video" and is just the kind of video a very good band should be making at this stage in their career.  So...well done everyone.

Foster the People

Little Boots is back - hear 'Shake It Til Your Heart Breaks' now, and get a FREE MIXTAPE DOWNLOAD

Behind these eyes is a tiny amazing song factory filled with a round-the-clock workforce of pop goblins.

Maybe the most shocking thing about Little Boots is that to our knowledge no one in any interview ever has asked her just how big her boots actually are.  That's a troubling fact, to be sure, but is likely because every interviewer has found themselves utterly overcome with her output of VERY GOOD POP MUSIC.

And can we blame them?  After all, this is the woman who gave us 'New In Town,' with its urban-jazz hands video clip, and the post-Gaga RedOne brilliance that was 'Remedy.'  In fact, screw it, this is the woman who gave us the entire 'Hands' album which is literally amazing in parts and a bit crap in others but averages out to a SOLID B+ which is pretty much the best a pop album can get these days unless you're Kylie.

And now Ms. Boots is back with her follow-up LP, or at least the lead buzz single from it.  The track is called 'Shake Until Your Heart Breaks,' is already the frontrunner for "most brilliant song title of the year," and is amazing.  It sees the artist go in a harder, clubbier direction than her past output, with pretty spectacular results.  And thanks to the magic of the interwebs, you can hear it here right now:

Little Boots - Shake Till Your Heart Breaks by mdrezk

Amazing.

Also, Little Boots is embarking on a "DJ tour" which is apparently a thing that DJs do, which will see her spinning in clubs literally all around the world.  Presumably to show just how awesome that is going to be, she's also offered up a mix tape of tracks that everyone can have as a download for ABSOLUTELY NO CHARGE because she knows pop music fans are cheap. 


FREE MIXTAPE DOWNLOAD (feat. 'Shake It Til Your Heart Breaks')
SHAKE UNTIL YOUR HEART BREAKS MIXTAPE by LittleBoots

Also amazing.  And free.

Will Young's new video for 'Come On' is adorable - watch now!

I AM A TORSO, ROAR

There are two things which are always adorable and those things are Will Young and puppies.  So it makes complete sense that someone somewhere had the brilliant idea of combining the two into one music video, to be released at a dark time in human history in order to rescue mankind from its sadness.  Kind of our failsafe plan, if you will.

And so the other day, in the midst of economic strife, political uprisings and the wrong person winning Project Runway (we assume -  we haven't seen it, but it's a safe bet), Will Young's 'Come On' video was released from its protective casing and projected around the interwebs for all to see.

And what has happened since then?

Yesterday the European debt crisis was largely resolved, the U.S. stock market closed about 12,000 for the first time in ages, a boy was rescued from the rubble of the Turkey earthquake 5 days after becoming trapped, and a bunch of gay soldiers sued the ass off the U.S. government for denying them equal rights.

ALL BECAUSE OF THE WILL YOUNG VIDEO.




Arf.

Last night we heard VV Brown's forthcoming album and this is what it is like

One of these people bought their nails at Walgreens.

Last night we were lucky enough to be invited to the VV Brown listening party for her new album (which comes out in early 2012).  It was also her birthday party so there was some cake and also some cute lollipops with "VV Brown" written on them that looked like this:

Amazing.

Also she is very pretty in person and even though we're relatively certain she was wearing a weave, her nails were fantastic and she bought them at Walgreens.

The listening party was part of music blogger extraordinaire Arjan's ARTIST #TALK series, where artists come and......talk.  Also they play music and some other things happen, but mostly it's a bunch of INFLUENTIAL TASTEMAKERS walking around talking about their blogs and chugging Prosecco from the open bar.

Lots of Prosecco.

It was a nice little soiree at Dylan's Candy Bar on the upper East side of NYC and despite being surrounded by carbs for most of the evening we had QUITE THE TIME OF IT.

Here is what we discovered:

1. VV Brown is amazing
2. Her favorite songs to record on the new album were "Famous" and "Fire" because she likes the letter F very much and also because those songs are very good.
3. She wishes she had written 'Bohemian Rhapsody' but she did not
4. The new album has lots of songs on it.
5. At least one of the songs is fast.
6. At least one of them is slow.
7. The slow one is essentially about sex and having sex and how good sex feels, and features VV having a vocal orgasm about 2/3 of the way through.
8. Another of the songs is midtempo and showcases VV getting "gangsta" and is very good, albeit in a not-at-all-a-single sort of way.  
9. VV Brown is amazing.

Here is VV listening to a song and looking pensive:

"I am pensive"

 And here is VV blowing out candles on her cake:

See?  Weave.

The whole thing was very nicely done and despite some sound issues and the fact that no one in the back could hear anything except once when VV Brown got upset talking about "The Other 99%", it was a great evening to showcase what is a VERY GOOD RECORD.

VV also played her new single 'Children,' (which sounds like this:)


and gave everyone in attendance free copies of a remix package (read: the above track but WITH A DONK ON IT) which tells us that her label is looking to break the US market at least partially through "the clubs" and such and accordingly all the gays will be hearing quite a lot more from her on their drunken nights out this winter.

Which is amazing.

Thanks to VV, Arjan, HP, Dylan's Candy Bar, and Capitol Records for a great night out.

Taio Cruz and Flo Rida have a 'Hangover' in new video - watch the premiere now!

Everything about this photograph is painfully on-trend.

One time we had a house party and invited all our friends and everyone laughed and danced and listened to music and got drunk and did some drugs we bought from a girl who thought she was Ke$ha and broke things and fornicated with each other and then all fell asleep and when we woke up we had a HANGOVER.

That is the sort of thing that Taio Cruz has done as well, apparently - as nearly all of us have - except that instead of cleaning up the mess afterward like a normal person, he decided to just hire a maid and go off to write a song about it.  Or, more accurately, Tramar Dillard, Lukasz Gottwald and Henry Walter decided to write a song about it, and then Taio came along and said "this sounds like just the sort of thing I am looking for, but wouldn't it be a much better track, artistically speaking, if I could get royalties for it?" and added two words to the background of the middle eight and listed himself as a lyricist in the liner notes.

That, of course, is the kind of thing that happens all the time in "the industry", and we're usually fine with it as long as the added words are good or at least serviceable.  But in this case THAT IS QUITE SIMPLY NOT POSSIBLE because literally each and every word of this song is its own, centralized black hole of swirling poo.

It is four minutes of hedonistic nonsense that is the unfortunate end result of the long-building trend in music where a committee of parrots or squirrels or something randomly select words relating "the club" or "being drunk" or "wanting to get drunk", and then put a donk over it and watch it go to number 1.

But just when we think it can't get worse, there is the video, which is essentially a straight-to-dvd sequel of AN ACTUAL MOVIE THAT THEY ALREADY MADE TWICE called 'The Hangover,' but with a worse soundtrack and less attractive actors.  It even has a wacky Asian guy who does ridiculous things and humiliates himself, because it's not like everyone in the world saw those movies and knows exactly what is going on here.

"Womp womp" etc.

Kelly Clarkson rocks out The X-Factor with 'Mr. Know It All'

omg y'all no way

Kelly Clarkson visited the new show by the man who made her a star, and showed everyone exactly why she was the one that made it.  Because if Justin Guarini was up on that stage....well, let's just not go down that road. 

While performing 'Mr. Know-It-All' on Simon Cowell's U.S. version of 'X-Factor', Miss Clarkson ruled the stage in pitch-perfect voice and with a commanding presence, along with a troupe of drummers wearing the now-requisite (thanks, Gaga) ridiculous outfits that must accompany ANY SORT OF LIVE PERFORMANCE FOR ANY REASON.  Luckily Kelly was able to ignore them completely and go about her divaish business.

It was a great performance of a great song, but we can't help but feeling like having someone like Kelly on the show only underscores just how lackluster the contestants are.  Sure, they don't have a team of handlers primping and prodding them, and no, they haven't had months of vocal coaching to perfect every second of each song they sing, but Kelly just has a certain something that blows most everyone else off the stage. 

Also she's looking quite thin.  So...good for you, Kelly.

Garbage is BACK, BITCHZZZZZ - listen to their cover of U2's 'Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses' now

This is why I'm hot.

There are several reasons why Garbage is amazing.  They are, in ascending order:

5: #1 Crush
4: Shirley Manson
3: Version 2.0 generally
2: Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go)
1: Shirley Manson again

We've been holding our breath over the band's INCREDIBLY EXCITING REUNION ever since we heard about it, and now, finally, some new material has surfaced.  Ok, so it's not exactly "new," in that it's actually a cover of an old U2 song, but it's new for them, and it's something we haven't heard before.  And really let's be honest - our personal perception of things is all we care about.

The track is a by-the-numbers cover with a little bit of the old Garbage attitude thrown in for good measure, but it certainly works as a primer for what's to come and is at the very least an exciting sign that somewhere in the world, Shirley Manson is standing in a room being sexy with a microphone.



"mmm."