So we were "on vacation" for the past few days which means we were far too drunk to post anything. But nevertheless, stuff continued to happen. THIS IS THAT STUFF:
1. Adele covered Vogue UK in epic fashion:
"werk"
2. Gaga chucked out the first of five (?!) "extra" music videos for 'Yoü And I,' further underscoring the fact that it is kind of shit and not really "catching on." All we have to say is at least she's not in man-drag this time.
Lady Gaga: "Look, I can be ladylike!" World: "Too late, no one cares."
3. Madonna's second directorial effort debuted and it is....not good. Here's her talking about it with the BBC.
"I can and will have you killed just for looking me in the eye"
We heart Kelly pretty hard around these parts. Not like, hand-clapping, jumping-up-and-down-like-she's-Kylie hard, but QUITE HARD ENOUGH, thank you very much. So it is with much excitement that we awaited the unveiling of her brand new single 'Mr. Know It All' yesterday. Would it be poppy 'Since You Been Gone' Kelly? Would it be ANGRY SHOUTY 'My December' Kelly? Or would it be .....well those are really the only two.
And at the end of the day it's kind of neither. 'Know' is like a harder version of an above-average Natasha Bedingfield song. Which is not to say it's bad in the least. We just prefer our Kelly with a bit more of a 'My Life Would Suck' edge. Especially for a lead single, since the whole point of one is to recapture everyone's attention. And we're just not sure this is the song that will do that.
What the song does do, however, is tease a slightly more grown-up sounding Kelly. Which is VERY EXCITING. We always felt like deep down inside her (underneath the chili fries) there was a hell of an artist, beyond the slick production of her biggest hits. An artist with more subtlety and depth than we've seen, all propped up by THAT VOICE.
Judging by 'Mr. Know It All' we might just get a little bit of that Kelly on the new record. And maybe that's why they went ahead with this track. It's an enticing teaser of what glorious music might just be to come.
Which is all very good and we're super looking forward to hearing it, but when the album comes out there better be one power ballad AT LEAST as good as 'Because of You' and two 'Since You've Been Gone' corkers with remix EPs. Also there needs to be one crap song that seems to get less and less crap as time goes on until eventually the "true fans" all look at it as a hidden gem and demand that Kelly sing it on tour, even though in actuality it is crap. So GET ON THAT, KELLY.
Okay. So if you didn't watch the MTV Video Music Awards last night, you missed...well, you missed some things. As Adam Levine famously Tweeted the other day, it's the one day of the year that MTV pretends to still care about music, and as such it comes across as pretty disingenuous at the best of times, but it's still the most interesting awards show in America that isn't about porn.
It was a jam-packed evening, during which Gaga officially became lame and insufferable, Britney got what was coming to her (The Video Vanguard Award), and Beyonce WURQ-ed her preggo ass off. And also, for no reason, the new Nicki Minaj/Rihanna video debuted.
And it's weird, people. Like, 80's Mad Max weird, with Nicki just bitch-stomping around looking kind of like Aretha Franklin until Rihanna wanders aimlessly into frame looking confused. Oh and they're standing in the middle of a plane crash. Because the song is named 'Fly.'
So already we know the whole thing is a bit batsh*t crazy, but whatever, it's Nicki and Rihanna so that's kind of par for the course, and when the chips are down the song is one of Nicki's best so far. So if you can get over the inherently uncomfortable image of two women writhing their poons around sexually on an empty smoldering swingset at the epicenter of a horrifying disaster, then it's all-in-all NOT TOO BAD.
There is a new thing called a Ronika. It is a band that consists of one girl and also, presumably, some computers and instruments and things, but mostly just the girl. Who is named Ronika.
The interesting thing about Ronika is that she is VERY GOOD and also that she is a lot like Madonna back when she was amazing. Her songs have an 80's/90's tinge, and there's a definite vocal similarity. In fact, she kind of comes off like a really good Madonna impersonator who everyone goes to see and thinks "she should totally do songs." And then she did.
There are a slew of ways Roni is similar to Ms. M - vocal style, musical style, and the fact that the gays will probably enjoy her very much. She is also different than Madonna, but mostly in good ways. Let's compare and contrast, shall we?
1. Ronika can sing. Madonna can shout in tune or coo slightly off tune. ADVANTAGE RONIKA
2. Ronika is a British person. Madonna would like to be a British person but is not. ADVANTAGE RONIKA.
3. Ronika has one name but it is a bit crap. Madonna also has one name and it is amazing. ADVANTAGE MADONNA
4. Ronika is young. Madonna would like to be young but is not. ADVANTAGE RONIKA x1000
So at this point we can probably all agree that things are looking pretty dire for Madge-Mantis in the EPIC DIVA SHOWDOWN ring. But there is one thing that Ronika can't counter and that is that Madonna is Madonna and being Madonna beats everything including being the president or Jesus. So...
5. M A D O N N A star-asterisk-italics-bold-underline THE END
All in all, though, Madonna's trump card does nothing to take away from the fact that Ronika is AMAZING and that her new song is Fantastic with a capital F. So enjoy 'In The City' and get a free download of it HERE.
...because a lady should never be seen without lipstick.
So Brit's been doing pretty well, eh? The first 3 tracks from LP 'Femme Fatale' have gone top 10 in the US - something she has never achieved before - and her personal life has been pretty calm in comparison to her storied past. She's on a world tour with sellouts all over the place, and gets groped by hot dancers every night. Also she's not fat anymore. Not that we care about that sort of thing, but it should be noted.
In any case...IT IS GOOD TO BE BRITNEY.
Understandably, Brit-Brit and her people want to keep the good times rolling, so they've begun gearing up for a fourth possible single from the album, by commissioning some remixes. Some F*CKING BRILLIANT REMIXES. Like this one.
It is a version of 'Seal It With A Kiss' and it's by something called a Peter Thomas who apparently remixes things. It is VERY GOOD, and thanks to music journalist extraordinaire Arjan we can all enjoy an absolutely free download of it as well (just click on the download button at the right side of the player). Make sure you hug him if you see him.
The mix keeps it short and sweet - clocking in at under 4 minutes - but packs a hell of a punch. It's all thumping beats, high-energy synths, and of course Britney's trademark autotune vocals. So staple in your "going out" weave, put on your best leopard print mini, and ROCK THE F OUT, because this baby's a corker.
"Look at this old guy I just met...he says his name is Ke$ha. That's a stupid name."
Ok so here's the thing. When we heard that Ke$ha was going to be rolling around in a musical mudpit with uber-rocker Alice Cooper we were all *eyeroll*/"oh dear"/"what the hell has this world come to, can't we just have another Kylie album already?". And understandably so. It sounds terrible, no?
But a snippet (does half the song still count as a snippet?!) of the track has appeared and it is SHOCKINGLY NOT HORRIFIC. It's nothing spectacular, but it's not a world away from what "a hit" sounds like these days (which is either a good or bad thing depending on whether you're under the age of 15 or not). As well as the two artists mesh together, it's absolutely clear that this collaboration was the result of some clever marketing, though, and not any organic development of musical rapport - but that's pretty par for the course these days. You know, because Rihanna, Britney and Nikki are SUCH GOOD FRIENDS.
Getting Ke$ha on his new track may seem like quite a coup for Mr. Cooper: Ke$ha is coming off her top 10 U.S. hit 'Blow,' while Alice is coming off...well, beta-blockers, probably. But while on the surface it might seem like Ke$ha's slumming it with a has-been, one can never underestimate the importance of converting 50-year-old tattoo artists into fans.
In any case, whatever marketing deals are behind this duet, we're certainly not hating it. It has a beat and you can dance to it and we're in a recession for chrissake, we can't be picky.
Marina Lambrini Diamandis, our favorite Greek pop goddess (better known by her stage name Marina and the Diamonds) has been knocking around for a couple years now. She's super popular on "the blogs" and everything - which we suppose is the noughties equivalent of being "big on the coffee shop scene" in the 90's - but has never quite gained traction in the mainstream even though she is AMAZING.
It almost happened ("it" in this case being "WILD AND SPECTACULAR SUCCESS") when her single 'Hollywood' very nearly managed a top 10 spot in the UK. But alas, it was not to be and it eventually petered out at a frustrating #12. In the US she's fared even worse, relegated to Pitchfork articles and being mentioned by hipsters over PBR at the flannel swatch shop or wherever it is they hang out.
Sadface.
But (expectant drumroll) all that may be about to change (choir singing), as her new video has just premiered and it is....surprising. She always had a mainstream vibe, but her new jam takes it to a whole different level. It's not a world away from what Britney and Rihanna and, well, everyone else, are putting out at the moment, just infused with a healthy dose of character. And that character is what is going to make or break her - do people want to hear a unique voice along with their slick dance-pop? Or do they prefer the anyone-could-have-sung-this-autotuned-mess status quo?
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