We love Hurts. You should love Hurts. Everyone should love Hurts and anyone who doesn't should go sit on a steak knife.
Here's their new video for their moody and broody holiday track 'All I Want For Christmas Is New Years Day'. It's all retro and stylish and features lots of slicked back hair and vests. In other words it is EXTREMELY WATCHABLE.
We thought this melancholy song was the perfect post for today, as a delightful (CURSED) snow is gently falling over New York City and reminding us all that Seasonal Affective Disorder is a SERIOUS MEDICAL CONDITION.
Something truly magical has happened, ScopiSubjects. And we are all lucky enough to be alive today to witness it. Thanks to the release of this video coupled with the magic of the interwebs, we will all someday sit in our flying wheelchairs and relate to our children's children just where we were when we first saw Ke$ha look GOOD.
We know you are doubtful. We know this throws your worldview into pandemonium. But it's true. Someone - somehow - convinced everyone's favorite louse-house to shower and put on some makeup that didn't come from Avril Lavigne's garbage bin, and we hate to say it but the girl scrubs up pretty damn good. Sure it's in a totally Eurotrash way, and - in this video, at least - as soon as you get past the fact she is wearing deodorant you are suddenly struck with the stark reality that Ke$ha CANNOT DANCE, MOVE, OR MAKE A CONVINCING FACIAL EXPRESSION TO SAVE HER LIFE, but if this girl is going to keep assaulting our consciousness with tunes we'll take any improvement we can get.
The clip itself is super sparkly and such - it starts with an ACTUAL BIG BANG, symbolizing either the "beginning of life and the universe," or "how Ke$ha got a record deal" (see what we did there) depending on your interpretation, and then flashes (quite literally) into a by-the-numbers trip to THE CLUB and THE STREETS.
We're still not loving the song, and we still think she probably smells like cat pee up close, but in the interest of positive reinforcement we would like to say:
"THANK YOU KE$HA, FOR TAKING A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. Here is an award for showering"
"We R Who We R" is out now in the US and elsewhere, and will be released January 11 in the UK.
Whatever became of that whole Enrique-waterskiing-nude thing? Does anyone know? Well if you happened to capture it on your phone or something feel free to forward it to us. Not that we're into that sort of thing. It's just a weird curiosity. Like when squirrels mate or Rachel Zoe eats.
Anyway, here's the video for the mole-less one's new Spanish-language single. It's a faux-'street' thing that comes very close to making us believe that SUPER HARD RAPPERS would hang out with Enrique, but ultimately falls just a bit short. And it goes without saying that the whole thing is autotuned to within an inch of its life, but eh, it's not like we listen to his tunes for his super voice.
Life just hasn't been what we all expected for our little genie in a bottle, has it?
After countless (this is a lie, we could easily count them but cannot be bothered) hit singles and albums, her last LP straggled into the public consciousness already saddled with an "EPIC FLOP" metatag. And, sadly, on the flop front it did not disappoint. Not content to reject ONLY HER ALBUMS, the public decided that even her individual tracks should be shunned like a leper in a steamroom. Singles wise, she hasn't troubled the top 20 since 2008, and her last track didn't even dent the HOT 100.
Then came 'Burlesque,' her 'Showgirls' wannabe film debut currently being laughed out of theaters, and a host of bad reviews that placed much of the blame on Xtina's shoulders. Sure the gays love it, but the gays love anything shiny these days - doubly so if Cher is somehow involved.
So what's a down and out bottle-blonde to do when her career goes tits-up? Yeah, you guessed it. Duet with a rapper.
Here's her knockoff of 'Love The Way You Lie' or 'Empire State of Mind' or any other generic heartwrenching-but-not-really rap/vocal collaboration, featuring the GENIUS AND ELOQUENT WORDSMITHING of a fresh-from-Federal Prison T.I.
As we all lolled about in tryptophan comas and ran frantically on treadmills in a vain attempt to work off the full-fat Cool Whip we ate straight from the tub over Thanksgiving break, Kylie performed atop some ducks in the Macy's Parade and readied her brand new holiday track 'Let It Snow.' A track that, luckily for us, can be previewed RIGHT NOW.
A word of caution though, this link comes to us from Perez Hilton, and we cannot promise that your viewing of it will not support his site/evil cause/bileous plot to overthrow the world by punching one Black Eyed Pea at a time. Why Kylie has decided to give him the exclusive no one will ever know, but whatever, it's done and it's the holidays so we should be filled with the spirit of FORGIVENESS and FESTIVE TIDINGS and all that bullshit.
'Let It Snow' is a jazzy little holiday tune that (wisely) sidesteps the tendency for artists to try and make Christmas very NOW and TRENDY (see: Mariah/Christina/N*Sync/the inevitable Glee debacle that is sure to come) and will slide in nicely alongside her 'Santa Baby' to become a perennial classic.
Our only complaint is that it for no reason is not the b-side to her new single 'Better Than Today.' If there ever was a way to boost its sales, this would be it. 'Let it Snow' is available from iTunes starting next week.
And suddenly Fergie realized she was at the wrong Quinceanera
Alright, we all know the new BEP track is a steaming, lowbrow amalgamation of everything mediocre in this world. So, coming from a group once known for their ground-breaking jams, you'd think they'd at least try extra hard to make a super great video for 'The Time', wouldn't you?
Well, they didn't.
The musical collective - who are fast becoming the Old Navy of pop music - have decided to do the ABSOLUTE LEAST AMOUNT OF WORK POSSIBLE in creating the clip, and mostly just mouth things at the screen while walking through streets/clubs/other places Snooki probably hangs out, and then have GROUNDBREAKING VISUAL EFFECTS layered on top of them by other people who specialize in that sort of thing.
In all honesty the pixel thing is pretty cool, but it's nothing we haven't seen before and certainly can't wash away the taste of pure evil that lingers in our ears every time we hear the song. So to Fergie and the other people in the group who are not Fergie but wish they were, we would like to just say: either try harder or don't bother.
"See me after class" etc.
'The Time (Dirty Bit)' is off the BEP's new album 'The Beginning' (ironic, because they certainly are starting to sound like they are very much at THE END) which "drops" November 29.
We here at ScopiSat are generally positive and uplifting people. It is not in our nature to revel in the misfortune of others, even when they bring it on themselves by wearing RIDICULOUS THINGS AND BLEETING LIKE A SHEEP INTO A MICROPHONE.
So, having said that, here are some good things about the Miley Cyrus performance of her new death dirge 'Forgiveness and Love':
1. Her hair didn't look as horrible as it has in the past.
2. By recycling a burial shroud BEAUTIFUL GOWN from the late 19th century she set a fine example for the youth of America, leading the charge in the "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" campaign.
3. There wasn't a stripper pole in sight, although we're sure in a pinch any one of those candelabras could be straddled and ground against - which in retrospect really could have taken this performance to the next level.
4. The performance provided temporary employment to a number of live musicians, and in these economic times that is truly something to be applauded.
5. Clocking in at a measly 3:25 the whole debacle could have been dragged out much, much longer.
ScopiSat is of the opinion that 'Better Than Today' is VERY GOOD, and is, in fact, the best choice the K-Mo folks could have made to put the pop princess back on top after the disappointing chart run of 'Get Outta My Way.' Others - namely die-hard Kylie fans - disagree, but perhaps this shiny new video will silence some of that discontent.
They certainly didn't blow the budget on this one, but somehow it still manages to come off looking less thrown together than 'Get Outta My Way' did, and is the most "Kylie" a Kylie video has been in ages.
It's also a world better than yesterday's debut of the video for her Taio Cruz duet 'Higher,' which isn't horrible but is essentailly one long BMW advert.
Anyway, here is 'Better Than Today' in all its Pac Man pop goodness:
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