Jessie J wants to 'Do It Like A Dude' - which is unfortunate, because most of the ones we know don't do it very well :(

Jessie J is a bit of an issue for us.  She's super good-looking and seems to have genuine talent (she co-wrote Miley's 'Party In The USA'), but she insists on putting out tuneless dated crap like 'Do It Like A Dude.'

This is the kind of unfortunate R&B style-over-substance unfortunateness that preceded, and arguably brought on, the pop renaissance, and certainly would have fit into the music landscape of the mid-2000's.

In a way us pop fans owe a debt to that time... it took the image-over-melody movement to its extreme, and drove the idea so far into the ground that it allowed pop, with all its hooks and earnestness, to come back with a vengeance. 

But now, in the 20-teens, a track like this seems hopelessly out of place.  The song itself is essentially non-existent, instead letting the beats and sound effects do all the heavy lifting - which is odd, as she is quite an accomplished songwriter ('PARTY IN THE USfreakinA', PEOPLE).  Indeed, if someone were to attempt to remake 'Do It' in a different, more straightforward style (say, a rock or country cover), they would be left with little more than a terrifying mess resembling a not-very-gifted-five-year-old's poem.

It irks us, dear readers.

It keeps us awake at night.

It leaves us shaking our fists at the sky and screaming "WHY WOULD A MERCIFUL GOD ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN" while the camera pans up through falling rain, VERY DRAMATIC music plays, and the image turns sepia because that is what is done when something is meant to be MOODY.

Having said all that, it is unfortunately for all these same reasons that it will inevitably be huge and inescapable for the next year, after which it will disappear entirely until being resurrected by the "This Is 2010" special edition of the NOW series - which will by that time be delivered, Matrix-style, directly into neck-mounted USB drives - on which the track will feature not because it is a brilliant song, but because the royalty payment is so cheap.

The whole debacle is made all the more sad because her other tunes are actually quite listenable, and despite the rather intimidating (read: ACTUALLY FRIGHTENING) video below, Jessie herself seems like a perfectly decent person.  We're sure we'll be hearing more of her in the future, but you'll forgive us if we wait til the next single to jump on the Jessie J bandwagon.