Aqua's 'How R U Doin?' video is not terrible just like the song - watch now

Totally credible band.

Oh Aqua.  With your Casio beats and mousy vocals.  With your poetic lyrics and ridiculous Euro-raps.  Back in the day we were SUPER DUPER AWESOMELY CLOSE.  Besties even.  We would skip and laugh and play hopscotch and giggle about the cute boys who we were too scared to talk to, and shop and gossip and totally get our periods at the exact same time.  Nothing could touch us and no one could break us.  And then we grew up.

And in growing up, we grew apart.  Life wasn't so simple anymore.  You had some stuff going on, and we CERTAINLY HAD SOME STUFF GOING ON, and then we smoked a lot of salvia and fell in with the bad girls who hung out in the bathroom and swore a lot, while you were off doing your competitive cheerleading and experimenting with bulimia.  

But a few months ago we ran into you unexpectedly.  It was great to see you - it really was - but we kept it quick cause you were doing this whole tacky Christmas single thing and we really didn't want to bother you.  And also because the track was really shit and we didn't want to have to lie to you about it when you were like 'OMG HOW GREAT IS OUR NEW HOLIDAY SONG?'

Since then we've checked in with each other a couple times, and it's been really nice to be back in each others' lives,  especially now that you seem to be getting back on your feet. The new song you've done, 'How R U Doin,' is actually kind of listenable, and the video isn't as terrible as it very easily could have been.

I guess what we're trying to say is, we may never be super close again, and it's not like we'll ever go back to braiding each others' hair in our pjs, or stealing noserings from Claire's Accessories, but it's really great to see you doing so well, and next time you're in town we should totally grab coffee and catch up.

Unless you have a shit holiday single out.

Take That, new X-Men: listen to the new track from the film

Yes.  This happened.

Take That, the UK super-band who scored a single US hit back in 1996 with 'Back For Good,' have been one of the few acts to experience not one, but two meteoric rises.  They burst on the scene during the boyband heyday in the early 1990s, only to split up a few years later when "the fat one" Robbie Williams left to design handbags or something.

The group reformed, however, in 2006 (then sans Williams) and immediately snatched the title of "hottest group of singing DILFs around" which should be an actual award but is not. ( :-( )  They guys became so hot, in fact, that Williams rejoined the band in 2010, presumably after his handbag business folded.

Now, having firmly and homoerotically reclaimed their position at the top of the writhing heap of boybands, the reformed fivesome have been tapped to deliver the official song for this summer's X-Men: First Class movie.  It's basically a rip off of Muse, but it's got a nice chorus if you stick with it long enough, and we'll at least probably get to see the boys pretend to be superheroes in the video or something.

Take That - Love Love by zzmkl

Cascada are in 'San Francisco' in new video - watch the premiere now!

This was supposed to be an Ikea sideboard :-(

Cascada, that quintessentially Eurotrash dance outfit that keeps racking up hits for some reason, is back with their new single and it is kind of shockingly good.  They scored a worldwide smash with the Gaga rip-off 'Evacuate the Dancefloor,' but for their latest jam they've opted to rip off Katy Perry's 'California Gurls' instead.  Which we guess is appropriate, because CALIFORNIA IS WHERE SAN FRANCISCO IS.

Whereas 'Evacuate' relied on its inherent cheapness as a sort of novelty, 'San Francisco' is slick and polished and almost credible.  It's kind of like if a real pop act was singing a Cascada song.  In other words it is QUITE GOOD INDEED.

It is one of those songs that takes other parts of songs and repurposes them in a completely transparent way but still manages to come out the other side as a fully functional Frankenstein monster of a pop hit, and at the very least it should keep all the gays in booty shorts dancing on Fire Island this summer.  Which is super hard (read: NOT HARD) - the gays are notoriously discerning (read: NOT DISCERNING IN THE LEAST) as far as their dance music goes - because it's not like they'll make anything with a beat that is released between May and August into a hit (read: THEY WILL).

Whether 'San Francisco' can break out of the rooftop-in-the-city-summer-jam niche remains to be seen, but regardless it'll make a nice addition to any poolside playlist.



#DerivativeButStillGood

Listen to Lady Gaga's BRAND NEW SINGLE 'Edge of Glory' right now because it is AMAZING

"we are the same, you and I..."

We don't know just how we feel about new singles coming out literally minutes after the previous single's video debuts, but there's nothing we can do about that as it is JUST THE WORLD WE NOW LIVE IN, so whatever.  We do, however, know how we feel about Gaga's brand new track she just unveiled on the interwebs, called 'Edge Of Glory.'

WE FEEL VERY GOOD ABOUT IT INDEED.

It's an amazing, teary, amazing song that sets the album up far better than either of the two prior singles, and might just win us back to her side if she plays her next few moves right and doesn't start preaching again.

MIGHT. 

Kelly Rowland's 'What A Feeling' video gives us quite the feeling

"...and now it's MY B'Day"

In a kind of insane twist of fate, this week finds Kelly Rowland's weeks-old U.S. single 'Motivation' sitting a full five spots above former bandmate Beyonce's one-week-old lead single 'Girls.'  Sure, 'Motivation' is only at #43 (while 'Girls' is languishing at #48) but to be completely fair that's about 100 places higher than either track deserves.  Because they are shit.

While Kelly's fans Stateside got the ironically de-motivational R&B turd, though, everywhere else is getting the far-superior 'What A Feeling,' which continues Miss Rowland's string of RATHER GOOD DANCE ANTHEMS.  It's already scaling the charts over in Europe, and it goes without saying that the gays are FIRMLY ON BOARD, so the only thing left for our Kelly to do is invest $12 in a video that no one will care about but will "get the job done."

And that's exactly what has happened, with somewhat surprisingly good results.

A few things to note:

1.  Even though this is a dance song, Kelly is still URBAN because there is GRAFFITTI
2.  Alex Gaudino looks like a douchebag and probably is
3.  Kelly can now dance rather well, and whoever she worked with needs to receive some sort of industry award because - as anyone who has seen Kelly do anything can attest to - THIS HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN THE CASE
4.  Seriously.  Douchebag.



"VERY GOOD"

Oh look it's LADY GAGA'S JUDAS VIDEO

...as you do.

Lady Gaga has a song out and it is called 'Judas' and she has done a video for it.  Some of it is in black and white and some of it is in color, and some of it is in black and white and color all at the same time.  There are bikes and boobs and also some dancing, but mostly there are weird religious overtones and Lady Gaga looking ACTUALLY HOT.

It is what people tend to call "VERY GOOD" and almost makes up for how "meh" the song is.  But not quite.


EDIT: FIXED VIDEO - it should work until the interweb police find it again :(
EDIT 2:  You can watch the video HERE (for now)

Frankmusik's new video featuring Far East Movement is VERY GOOD in a boring Vegas-y kind of way

"My snake is huge and has a taste for hairy creatures"

Frankmusik has a weirdly sexy name, which is fitting because he's a weirdly sexy guy.  He also does weirdly sexy music, and accordingly hasn't found much mainstream success as yet, because people like "weird" and they like "sexy" but don't often like "weirdly sexy" unless it's a blue alien in "Avatar" with big boobs.

Frank's (we call him Frank) new single, 'Do It In The AM' is looking to change that, though - it features Far East Movement, who have scored two recent US top ten hits, which is probably why the track has been launched in the US rather than Frankmusik's native UK.  It's also probably why the video is all desert-y and sort of Vegas/Southwest themed - something that the Brits don't really connect much with, in the same way that they don't connect with Wal*Marts or skin that tans. 

To be honest we don't connect much with a lot of the video's imagery either, but we do connect with LINGERING CLOSEUPS OF DELICIOUS-LOOKING CHILI DOGS, so this video gets a pass from us and then some. 

The song isn't half bad either - it's not as electro-wacky as 'Better Off As Two,' but to be fair that's probably on purpose. 

It'll certainly be interesting to see where the whole Frankmusik thing goes next after this, especially if the track achieves any sort of success Stateside (IT WON'T), and actually it will probably be just as interesting to watch if the song flops (IT WILL).

Regardless of how 'Do It In The AM' does, though, we still totally would let Frank (we call him Frank, remember) do pretty much whatever he wanted to us in the AM.  Or the PM...

J.Lo says 'I'm Into You' - watch the video premiere now!

"To the craft services table, Jeeves.  Princess style."

It wasn't too long ago that we looked upon J.Lo with the kind of disgusted empathy that rich people direct toward the homeless wretches who huddle in their helicopter garages.  Jenny was back on the block, down on her luck, and the world had largely turned its back on her.  But wasn't it SOMEWHAT her own damn fault for like, having kids and a life and stuff?

The answer to that question is of course yes.

Or no or something.

Anyway her music was really shit for a while and that was probably the biggest problem, to be honest. Look at Britney - the girl doubled her body weight, forgot how to dance, married a stupider version of Vanilla Ice, and still topped the charts because HER MUSIC WAS SICK.  J.Ho on the other hand just kind of....went away for a while and every so often yakked up a tuneless cowpie of a record for no reason.

Well, the past is the past and JENNIFER THE CELEBRITY is certainly back on her game - American Idol, Most Beautiful Person, chart-topping success... but unfortunately JENNIFER THE MUSICIAN is not.  'I'm Into You' may have a sexy (BOOBS) and arty (BLACK AND WHITE) video to go with it, but no amount of "uncensored director's cut" horniness can polish this turd.

But it's ok.  She's still pretty.