Much buzz has been spent on Sophia Somajo, who has been referred to more than once as "the next big thing." Now, to be fair, if every "next big thing" turned out to be the ACTUAL next big thing, we would be overrun with popstars dancing through the supermarkets and laundromats and the world would be a VERY DIFFERENT (read: AMAZING) place. But alas, most of these "hotly-tipped" whipper snappers turn out to be a whole lot of nothing, and while they are usually quite good, they more often than not put out a "top 85 single" and then go off to manage an HSBC branch or something.
But every so often the blogs get it right, and we have a feeling Sophia Somajo may be the actual real deal - at least if her new jam is any indication. 'Wristcutters, Inc.' is a happy-go-lucky song about suicide and self-mutilation with a hoppity little beat and some glorious production. Also it has a sort of "Asian theme" going - because, why not? - and, most importantly, it's got a great melody that plants itself immovably in your brain like Jessica Simpson in a booth at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
It really shouldn't be a surprise that the track is phenomenal, though, since Somajo has writing credits on some VERY GOOD things like Robyn's 'Body Talk' album, has notched up a few hits in Scandinavia, and, most of all, because Sophia is SWEDISH and if history has taught us anything it's that being Swedish automatically makes you a very talented songwriter.
Sometimes when I'm sad I just look at my boobs and then everything is ok
In the future everything small will be smaller and everything big will be bigger and everyone will be smarter and prettier and Robyn will sing lead vocals on everything because that IS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.
It is truly one of the wonders of the modern world that Robyn keeps managing to chuck out brilliant tunes with such alarming consistency. More shocking is that her tracks are awesome EVEN WHEN THEY AREN'T HER TRACKS. You see, usually when we see any incarnation of "Random DJ ft. Established Pop Star," it is a signal to groan, beat our heads into our desks and then go on and on about "The 90's" and how everything bad is Jay-Z's fault, but RoRo has thrown our entire worldview into utter disarray with her latest offering.
The song is by some people called Savage Skulls & Douster, who we think are lumber suppliers or the owners of a mildly successful glass repair business or something, but none of that is really important. What IS important is that Robyn sings on it and is in the music video and that both are GOOD.
The video, quite thankfully, breaks out of R's usual "Omg I love this song...wait THIS is the video? That's stupid." mold and instead we get a delightful romp with a van and tennis and Robyn wiggling her hips while holding a rose. Also, in the video Robyn is wearing a jean jacket, which everyone knows is the harbinger of AMAZINGNESS.
There is a thing called Menya and it is very good. It is 2 girls and a boy and some listenable music and also, sometimes, stuffed animals, even though the plush things don't actually sing ( :( ). One of the members, Good Goose (the boy), is about to put out a balls-to-the-wall-brilliant mixtape (Note: exciting), and ScopiSat might just have some exclusives for you from the man himself (Note: EXCITING). But until then we can all get our Menya fix on by downloading the band's first two EP's for ABSOLUTELY FREE.
For the unindoctrinated looking for a jumping off point, check out 'Oh!' off the band's 2008 'The Ol' Reacharound.' It's fun and happy and it has a video, and really, in a recession that's about all you can ask, isn't it. Also the band as a whole are not unattractive which certainly doesn't hinder the clip in the least, and at the end of the day, the fact of the matter is the song title features PUNCTUATION which means it is AMAZING.
Now go get your free downloads at the Menya website HERE
"I can TOTALLY go two weeks without washing it, right?"
We always know a video is going to be good when it says the person's name in big letters at the beginning. We imagine it's because there is some sort of approval process, where the artist sits down and says "ok that was alright, but I'm not putting my name in big letters at the beginning because it's not THAT good" and then the dejected crew cancel their plans, go off and add some special effects, post-produce out some wrinkles and cellulite, and then the artist says "hurrah, now I love it, here's a giant stamp of my name in a super special font that I had made at Kinkos" and everyone goes home happy.
Even if that's not what happens, it still holds true that videos with the artist's name at the beginning in big letters are, as a rule, 35% better than videos without it. And Avril's new clip is no exception.
Any regular ScopiSat reader knows that we pretty much hate Avril Lavigne, and it QUITE VEXES US when she puts out stuff like 'Girlfriend' or, in this case, 'What The Hell,' because it's difficult to truly despise someone while you're nodding your head to their tune. But whatever, life is hard, and we just have to deal with it.
For the video to the aforementioned 'Hell,' Miss Lavigne has pulled out all the stops, thrown on her best emo makeup, her Hot Topic fingerless gloves, and F*CKING GONE TO TOWN. Quite literally, in fact. She wakes up with some hottie, does some things, crashes a cab, and then gallavants around the city while a very good song plays and she mouths along. In short, it's an extremely adequate video, and in this day and age that's really all anyone can ask.
We know you have like, a baby and stuff, but if you could get your ass moving on that new album that would be super. We have heard from "the blogs" that you have recorded a number of songs (all of which are obviously brilliant) so it really shouldn't be too much trouble to throw a dart at a list of completed tunes and compile a track listing. You could even make it a game - some sort of Twister with song titles, or, in a pinch, just have the maid pick some. We're really not fussed how it gets compiled, just as long as there are a minimum of 11 tracks and no more than 14 because any more than that and it looks like you're taking the project way too seriously.
And none of this "I'm not doing an album as such, I'm just recording tracks and letting them have a life of their own because I'm such an artist and record labels are evil" bullshit either. We want a FULL ALBUM with a PHYSICAL RELEASE and PROPER PROMOTION on at least one mid-table primetime chat show. You don't have to talk - in fact, it's probably best that you do not, as the "Irish AND ginger" thing kind of creeps people out - but you do have to sing the album's lead single and wear something batshit insane while doing it.
Additionally, we would like you to drum up interest in the project by starting a feud with a "current" pop strumpet. Right now we're thinking Avril Lavigne because she's not a real musician and probably doesn't know who you are, and thus wouldn't know what she was getting herself into. Also we think she's a fake bitch, though her new single is quite alright so she gets a pass for now, but if you could take her down a few pegs we'd really appreciate it and it might sell a few of your records to boot.
Anyway, back to the music - on the album we shall require:
- 1 ballad (not a weird "ambient noise-with-vocal" thing, a PROPER POWER BALLAD that will make us cry when we are drunk). A duet is unacceptable.
- 1 sell-out single (Max Martin or equivalent)
- 1 techno song that goes on for at least 7 minutes for no reason
- 2 filler tracks that will someday be lauded as masterpieces
- a hidden track in which you subtly declare your allegiance to a weird religious cult or something, just so you can get on a few morning shows and "defend your position" while shilling the record shamelessly.
We realize a lot of your "crazy" thunder was stolen by one Miss Gaga over the past couple years. And to be honest we're not real sure what to do about that, but we have complete faith that you will come up with something unique and artsy (like when you shuffled around London dressed as a series of walking, fully-lit set designs) and if worst comes to worst we'd be fine with you doing some sort of nip-slip or pantless drunken rage.
Having said all that, we do appreciate the constant trickle of VERY GOOD tunes dribbling from your talent-teat, like this new jam, 'Boadicea,' you did with dance producer Mason. But seriously, Ro. Let's get this album thing together.
Yesterday we chucked up some Cloverfield-style footage from a fashion show, during which a good deal of thumping went on. This thumping was apparently a new Lady Gaga song, but no one could really tell anything about it for sure except that it was kind of like 'Teeth' but "stompier" and also that it was VERY GOOD.
Well now there's a full-on remix thing on the interwebs, posted by one of the team behind the fashion show. It features a super art-school-y video that shows a bunch of things that very few people would care anything about if it wasn't paired with a new Gaga track, but all around the whole thing is doing quite an alright job of drumming up interest in the Lady's 'Born This Way' album.
Because it needed so much help.
Anyway here's the video. We warn you. It is good. Well, as good as 4 minutes of one phrase repeating over and over to a beat can be. Which is still pretty damn good.
We have a whole theory about Miss Gaga that she has achieved a completely unsustainable level of fame and notoriety, and that she will soon end up being the Cyndi Lauper of this generation, eclipsed by a new Madonna. Part of that is because her music is brilliant but also challenging, but mostly it's because she wears MEAT AS CLOTHING because it is somehow interesting.
To be fair we really have no idea how the whole Gaga thing will turn out, but with the debut of this 'Born This Way' album track yesterday at Thierry Mugler's runway show, her sophomore (sort of) album is shaping up to be nothing less than fantastic.
Many a pop diva have relied on the svengali-like talents of RedOne to bolster their careers, and J.Lo is the latest to jump on the producer's magical bandwagon.
'On The Floor' samples Kaoma's 1989 track 'Lambada,' which was a number one smash worldwide, but stalled in the States just outside the top 40. Something tells us that J.Lo's jam may have an oddly similar run at the charts. It's got the J.Lo name, which still means something to people who buy perfume in supermarkets, and samples a pretty well known song, which means something to older people who remember J.Lo and who also tend to buy perfumes in supermarkets. It'll probably rocket up the charts real fast (and go back down them just as quickly) in Europe, but in the US....not so much.
It's once again that time, ScopiSubjects. This week's installment of our namesake post is a doozy, too, so get your Dramamine out because it's going to be a Technicolor orgy of PURE CLASS up in here in a second.
First some boring history bullcrap: Jody Miller was a kind of mid-table country singer back in the 1960's and 1970's, with a few top ten country hits and a couple mainstream top 40 singles. At the beginning of her mediocre journey through semi-fame, though, things were looking up when she released 'Queen Of The House,' an "answer record" to Roger Miller's smash 'King Of The Road.' The song made it to number 12 on the Billboard Hot 100, and remains Miss Miller's signature tune.
Now the interesting stuff: Jody's version of 'House' gave us far more than just a track for aging drag queens in the south to mouth along to in between bourbon shots. The tune also spawned Jody's first Scopitone, an ABSOLUTE GEM of a clip. It really has just about everything you'd want in a video - dancing milkmen, girls in bikinis frying things, and an AquaNet budget more than the GDP of most developed nations.
It's no secret we have a little love affair with former Mis-Teeq member/failed solo artist/Strictly Come Dancing champion/successful solo artist Alesha Dixon. It was super exciting when she finally capitalized on her Dancing win with a Platinum album and mega hits 'The Boy Does Nothing' and 'Breathe Slow,' but since then things have.....not gone terribly well.
Her third album (her second as an ACTUALLY POPULAR PERSON) 'The Entertainer' came out earlier this year, slid off the bruised and broken back off its disastrous lead single 'Drummer Boy,' and collapsed into a heap of sequins and broken dreams with a dainty thud.
At number 84.
At that point any other artist would probably get told off by their record company, spend their liquid assets on drugs, and have their agent start shilling a reality show to one of MTV's satellite stations. But not our girl Alesha. No, Miss Dixon stared down "the haters" and hauled out the heavy artillery for a big-ass relaunch in the form of 'Every Little Part of Me.'
The song features no less than Jay Sean, who had some hits once, and it (thankfully) is pretty listenable in a poor-man's-Rihanna kind of way. All in all, it's probably the song that should have served as the lead single, but that's all in the past and there's no changing it now even though some poor recently-unemployed record exec is probably drinking himself to sleep right now wishing that he could.
For its part, the video is alternatively BRILLIANT and INCOMPREHENSIBLY BAD, and quite often is both all at the same time. It's not that it's terrible quality or anything, it's just that it commits one of the cardinal sins of music videos by raising far more questions than it answers. For instance:
1. Why is Alesha dancing in a parking garage in a ball gown? Is this some sort of creepy audition for an "independent film" where the director just wants to "see you dance"? Because we've been on those auditions and let us tell you - those movies NEVER end up getting the financing to actually get started.
2. Why are Alesha and Jay wearing scarves over their faces in order to, presumably, commit some crime without exposing their identities? In case they haven't read the news lately, the authorities can see your ovaries through your clothes if they want to. And it's not like they are wearing full face masks anyway - their eyes are completely exposed. And if prime time television has taught us ANYTHING it's that any dumbass with a computer can pull CCTV footage and say the word "enhance" over and over until a crystal clear image shows up and gets run through a database that inexplicably contains the headshots of everyone who has ever lived. Maybe, you posit, it is chilly where they are? Yes, this could be it, but none of the principal players' other clothing suggests this, so we're left with our original preposition that Alesha and Jay's characters are well-dressed-but-not-very-good criminals of some sort, stealing something, for some reason that we are supposed to care about but don't. In scarves.
3. Why is it 'To Be Continued?' They were arrested. Is the next installment going to detail their trip through the penal system? Or will they somehow escape from TWO DOZEN HEAVILY ARMED POLICEMEN? It seems highly unlikely, don't you think? Also, we don't care. Just end the damn thing. You're not Lady Gaga.
Perhaps the biggest question this whole thing raises, though, is whether this rather obvious attack on our senses will resurrect Alesha's career. It certainly has the stench of "last chance"-ness about it, so here's hoping it at least improves on her last single's #46 placing. Otherwise Alesha won't be able to get arrested anymore. :-(
Kid Sister chucked out a quite listenable tune called 'Right Hand Hi' a long time ago and then, judging by her public profile over the last few months, went to the spa for about a year or so.
Luckily they appear to have had a rather advanced recording studio at whatever spa it was, and Miss Sister was able to lay down some tracks in between mud baths or whatever the hell goes on in those places. She's actually worked with some pretty great people, and her stuff isn't half bad. But once you've been the "next big thing" and then disappeared, it's hard to get that momentum back. Especially when that Nikki Minaj thing kinda stole your thunder...
Anyhow, for those of you who don't remember (i.e. ALL OF YOU), this is what 'Right Hand Hi' was like:
Not bad, eh? Well if you'd like some more things that sound like that but slightly different, here's a link to a whole bunch of Nikki Mina...er, Kid Sister tunes:
Ok we already talked about how absolutely dire the new Ricky Martin single is (think Jack Johnson if his music were written by a committee of old people who "don't get this new fangled jibber jab they play on the radio" and also don't speak English particularly well). Also Ricky's voice is completely wrong for the style he's attempting.
We were reserving our judgment for the whole project until we saw the video, but, having watched the premiere, we can now confirm with complete confidence that NOTHING ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING IS GOOD.
Some issues:
1. It's not 2002. White backgrounds behind beautiful children with "natural makeup" are best left to old-school VH1 and cancer-charity videos.
2. We get it. You're gay. You don't have to cram it down our throats (heh). Seriously, this onslought of gayness would be like Ellen saying "I'm Gay" on the cover of People, and then immediately following it up with an hourlong primetime special during which she does nothing but scissor a local women's soccer team.
3. The video does not distract us enough from how wretched the song is. It needs flashing lights. And colors. And flashing colored lights. Or puppies. Flashing puppies, preferably. Even nudity would be fine. And yeah, we know, he gets his shirt off in this clip, but we saw more than this when he was doing yoga on the beach with his "companion" back before he liked it up the butt.
4. Coming out (heh) with a song about how happy you are only makes everyone think you're trying awfully hard to convince everyone you're happy.
So it's finally official, K-Mo is going to once again grace the continent of North America with her goddess-like presence. The show will be scaled down from the worldwide version, to fit in the smaller venues at which she's playing, but as her last NA tour showed, smaller isn't necessarily worse.
In any case, if you feel like clawing through some gays to get a glimpse of the PRINCESS OF EVERYTHING, AMEX cardholders can get tickets from 10am Friday on, and general on-sale is Jan 14 at 10am.
Aphrodite ‘Les Folies’ North American tour dates:
Apr 28 Montreal at Bell Centre
Apr 29 Boston, MA at Agganis Arena
Apr 30 Washington, D.C. at GMU Patriot Center
May 02 New York, NY at Hammerstein Ballroom
May 03 New York, NY at Hammerstein Ballroom
May 06 Atlanta, GA at Fox Theatre
May 07 Fort Lauderdale, FL at BankAtlantic Center
May 08 Orlando, FL at Hard Rock Live Orlando
May 10 Houston, TX at Verizon Wireless Theatre
May 18 Dallas, TX at Verizon Theatre at Grand Prairie
May 20 Los Angeles, CA at Hollywood Bowl
May 21 San Francisco, CA at Bill Graham Civic Auditorium
May 22 Las Vegas, NV at Colosseum at Caesar’s Palace
The other day we chucked up a guide vocal demo of Britney's new 'Hold It Against Me.' It was alright. Like, not terrible, and we could certainly see it being played ont he radio and such, but it was nothing that reached out and grabbed us.
Oh how a few days can change things. Brit's version of the song has just shown up on the interwebs, and we're pleased to report it is a billion times better than the one we'd already heard. It's BIGGER, STRONGER, FASTER and BRITNIER.
For this Saturday Scopitone posting, we've chosen a video that illustrates exactly why the format was absolutely brilliant in a way that will not, and can not, ever be replicated.
This clip is a mind-blowing masterpiece of incongruity. It features the "title characters" Mother Nature (who apparently is just a whore in a bonnet) and Father Time (her pimp?), a giant globe, some hastily-constructed backdrops, and some go-go dancers seizing wildly in time to what is apparently a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SONG than the one playing.
In short, it's a delight from start to finish, and everyone involved in this production should be very, very proud.
Sky Ferreira, the totally underage, totally next big thing, was supposed to conquer the world on 1-11-11, when her debut album was - until recently - scheduled to be released. Of course, not a lot of details of that original plan are available, but we have it from a reliable source that the original plot was pretty much to sell millions of downloads which would somehow turn each computer in the world into an autonomous battle machine, all of which would then unite together in battle to crush the human race and replace it with an all-powerful network of autotune plugins and install Ke$ha as Queen of the Robots until she died of raging syphilis.
Fortunately for us that's not happening. Instead, Sky has gone back into the studio to do some new tracks for the LP, because she's "grown musically," which actually means "the record company said my singles flopped so now I'm grounded [sad face emoticon] LOL" etc.
We're kind of okay with that, though, since it gives the budding starlet some time to pull something genius out of her ass and live up to her MESSIAH-LIKE POTENTIAL. Besides, it's not like she doesn't have time. She's got a good 3 years before she has to begin her drug-fueled downward spiral and have a lesbian affair with Snooki for publicity. And it's not like Ke$ha has anywhere to be. In fact, this is probably good for her. It gives us a chance to develop better and better Treponema pallidum (look it up) treatments before the robots kill off all the scientists.
Anyway, here's something to tide us all over - a good-but-not-spectacular tune produced by ScopiSat fave Frankmusik. It's a lot more downtempo than her previous songs which is fine we guess. But we can't help feeling like a race of self-actualized machines could probably come up with something better....
This is what it looks like when 50,000 gay men climax over their favorite pop diva
So Kylie FINALLY decided to tell everyone some details about her upcoming 'Les Folies' tour. And - no shock here - it is going to best everything that has ever come before it, including Madonna's and Britney's shows, and even acts like U2. It's shaping up to be the most intricate and spectacular pop show of all time and that's not even coming from us. I mean, we totally are sure it is, but we're a little biased so we're probably not the best source of objective information.
Anyhow, K-Mo spoonfed her fans tiny tidbits in a series of "facts" posted on her Facebook page, and we have compiled them below.
Enjoy, ScopiSubjects.
FACT 1: The Les Folies tour will have the most technologically advanced and extravagant stage that has ever been built to date.
FACT 2: The tour will have 20 trucks. 10 trucks alone are going to transport the stage.
FACT 3: The stage is made of more than 1 million movable parts.
FACT 4: The stage will have seven lifts and is the best, most complex and exceptional stage that has ever been built for a venue.
ACT 5: The lighting design consists of more than 600 light sources.
FACT 6: The worldwide unique “Wet Zone” is making it possible for the audience to experience a brand new 4D show!
FACT 7: The developers of the water show at Bellagio and the Disney California Adventure theme parks are creating the water elements of the Les Folies tour. (Examples of their work here.)
FACT 8: During the show water-jets will shoot water up to 30 metres high.
FACT 9: The crew consists of more than 120 people, including 20 background dancers, musical artists and air acrobats
FACT 10: Approximately 200 costumes will be shown during the show.
FACT 11: To transport the artists quickly from A to B, a special “Fly System” has been developed which is inspired by the Spiderman Theatrical Show from Broadway.
FACT 12: The stage will look like the picture above…
FACT 13: The total weight of the stage equipment totals 45 tons.
FACT 14: The whole stage plus equipment is worth $25,000,000 US!
FACT 15: The stage has been designed by the RoadRage Group.
FACT 16: The stage is being assembled and built by TAIT Towers of Limit, the world’s biggest and best stage building company.
FACT 17: The lighting design has been created by Nick Whitehouse, who already worked with Kylie on her 2009 North American tour and KylieX2008 tour!
So we all knew it'd happen - Brit's track has (maybe) leaked a few days ahead of its official radio date. But as Britney herself knows all too well, loose lips sink ships and all that.
The track that leaked doesn't feature Britney's vocals but is likely a demo of the song, sung by a session singer that has a lot more vocal ability than B-Sizzle but isn't batshit insane and therefore can't sell her own records. :(
As for the song, it's a kind of Ke$ha-but-less-disease-riddled dirty dance affair with a pretty catchy chorus. Like it's totally a B+, but with a hot video or a date with Justin Beiber it could easily bump up to an A- by association. It's all about the buzz these days anyway.
Anyway, you all can hear it right now by heading over HERE to our Facebook page and liking us!
Dammit, Natalia, you're confusing the hell out of us. First you release 'Mirrors,' a very adequate jam, only to follow it up with an ill-advised buzz track, the substantially less good (read: a bit crap) 'Activate My Heart.' Now, a mere two weeks later, another track has surfaced, and it is - somewhat troublingly - quite good indeed. How are we supposed to determine whether you are any good or not, Miss Kills? And, without this knowledge, how can we possibly continue living as though there is ANY CERTAINTY IN THIS WORLD?
This whole buzz campaign could actually help you out down the line, we suppose, since - thanks to "the blogs" and such - you can get feedback on what sounds resonate with the modern pop fan before you commit to a whole album. Chuck out a few buzz songs and see what sticks, etc... In fact, a savvy record company might mount just this kind of campaign for that exact purpose. Yes....yes they might.....
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